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GentlejimGentlejim Blog (705)

4,176 Blog Comments705 Blog705 Blogs96 Forums26 Quizzes7 Threads

Happy New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR

EVERYONE!
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Going Def

When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid,

she becomes a Def Leppard....laugh
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What Do You Think?

You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a fish.rolling on the floor laughing
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Jock the Painter

Jock, the painter, often would thin his paint so it would go further.
So when the Church decided to do some deferred maintenance, Jock was able to put in the low bid, and got the job. As always, he thinned his paint way down with turpentine.

One day while he was up on the scaffolding -- the job almost finished -- he heard a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened.

The downpour washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Jock off his scaffold and onto the lawn among the gravestones and puddles of thinned and worthless paint.

Jock knew this was a warning from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice: “REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!”









It's easier to fool some people than to convince them that THEY have been fooled.
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I Saw The Doctor The Other Day.

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
> Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc:
> 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
> The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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I Saw The Doctor The Other Day.

I Saw The Doctor The Other Day. He checked me over completely and told me I was doing well except for one thing!
He told me to exercise more!

Ready for this?

I am doing diddly squats!

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Testing For Covid 19

You all have read that the corona virus tests takes a long time to get the results. I saw on the news last night that an American company named, Abbott Labs can test and have your results within 15 mins! That is great news!head banger
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A Frog

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this.)

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)

Never take life too seriously (well, maybe coronavirus)

??.•Pass it on!! Give someone else a reason to smile. ??
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Tidbits of Humor 2

What happens when a snowman has a temper/tantrum?

He has a meltdown! laugh laugh



Did you know santa claus knows karate?


He has a black belt! laugh laugh laugh




Jack, the town drunkard, was at his wit’s end, he had no money to buy even the barest necessities for his family. It was right before going to sleep one night that Jack prayed the following emotional prayer: “Dear Lord, please, all I’m asking for is some food to put on the table, NOTHING else! The booze I’ll buy myself.”







rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Two Brooms

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and
after a while they got to know each other so
well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom,
the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her
white dress. The groom broom was handsome
and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was
lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the
bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom,
'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'


'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.


Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt! !! !! !






'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

............ ........... ..............
Oh for goodness sake... Laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy... Even these silly
....little cute............. And clean jokes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds to me like she's ....... !

......been ....sweeping around!!!rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Joke

Back on January 9th, a group of HELL'S ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped. Rod, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby , … what ’ cha doin' up there on that railin'?"



She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"



"Why don't you give ol' Rod here your best last kiss?"



So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that, …and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.



After they breathlessly finished, Rod gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That's a real talent you're wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"



"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."



It’s unclear if she jumped or was pushed.
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Tidbits of Humor

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?

A: To make up for his miserable summer.

Q: Why couldn’t cavemen send cards?

A: The stamps kept falling off the rocks.

Q: What do you call an old snowman

A: Water.

laugh
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