This short but concise guide will help men have a little more understanding on women and how to deal with them.
Women have been around for a very long time, practically the same time as men; however this fact has been forgotten after hundreds of generations of male dominance.
In the past letters were written and women were verbally asked out, now it’s mainly via social media, women really don’t like being asked out via WhatsApp or a plain text, Try to actually speak with her, even if it’s through skype.
Always compliment a woman, even if she turns up for a date looking like she had been dragged through a hedge backwards, she has spent hours shaving her legs and armpits, doing her hair and changed clothes an average of 12 times before deciding on her outfit.
If you are out for dinner the woman will probably choose a salad while you get stuck into a steak, offer her fries etc. by gently pushing the plate towards her. If she insists on paying half the bill then let her.
If the date ends up with coitus, Always ensure the woman reaches a climax first, let her enjoy it, should she climax first you can be assured she will take care of you. (if you dont know how to ensure she climaxes first then shame on you)
Post coital interaction is vital, don’t get up and wipe your deflating appendage on the curtains and head off for a snack or to watch TV, stay and cuddle her, hold her in your arms so together you can enjoy the special moment.
If a woman says “fine” It’s not fine, she is annoyed, it's best to lose the argument or simply say sorry even if you have no idea why she is mad at you, Women have a very long memory and will get her revenge on way or another, sometimes a few years after your transgression.
In short, woman are our equals, be kind and complementary and let her know you will protect her with your life.
The word politics comes from the Greek word Politikos, basically something about Citizens and public life.
Much has changed since men wore bath sheets and spoke about meaningful issues, now a Politician is basically a self-serving thief being paid by large corporations to help them achieve profit through bribery and corruption.
Political parties should consist of those supporting the current elected Government and those who are opposed to the current Government, However if you are opposed to anything you are labelled as a Libtard which means you are a retarded liberal thinker.
Political Supporters: These vary from the “don’t care” to the blatant, the blatant seem to think that they are the only people who saw something on TV or on the internet, they will for example publish dozens of articles or “blogs” on the same subject, Blatant’s are known to ingest the sweetcorn directly from a Politicians excretal orifice while the Libtards simply hold up signs or break into tears for no reason or for good reason.
It’s generally thought that Politicians listen to the “Power of the people” this is false, the people mean nothing to a politician unless you are very wealthy and help pay for the political lifestyle politicians enjoy, this includes big houses, private jets, shagging other people’s wife’s/husbands and in some cases lots of Golf, You the people are just trailer trash.
Political opinion ebbs and flows depending on policy, Yes your opinion counts but you are not entitled to demean or insult people who don’t agree with your thoughts, Its very narrow minded and makes you look like an idiot.
Romeo & Juliet- The modern version by William Mapshake
At a nightclub in 1976 Romeo was doing his best to impress a bird he fancied called Julie, His dancing skills worked and they fell in love.
The next day they walked hand in hand to a chemist for an after the act contraceptive pill but found out they had not been invented yet.
Over a Costa coffee they decided that although their parents hated each other due to Juliet’s dad selling a shite car to Romeo’s dad they would get have to get married in secret.
They flew over to Vegas and at the Elvis Presley One Dollar Church they got married, gambled a bit and watched a Tom Jones show before returning to England.
Juliet’s high school sweetheart named Paris had meanwhile appeared on the scene after a lengthy prison sentence for theft of kitchen and kitchen related storage items and wanted “His bird”.
He knew how to appeal to Juliet’s Mom and bribed her with a huge amount of Tupperware so he could marry Juliet and in time take over the used car business; Juliet was a bit angry but had to agree as she knew her mom had already used the salad spinner and 3 freezer containers.
After a few Gin and Tonics Juliet decided to fake her own death as she couldn’t be arsed marrying Paris, Her dealer pal gave her some sleeping pills and she took them and fell asleep.
She looked dead so was laid out for the family to look at, Poor Romeo saw her stiff lifeless body and promptly hanged himself with his new floral orange and brown bedspread.
When Julie awoke she heard that her secret love and hubby and kicked the bucket, she decided that she would also kill herself and did.
The moral of the story…Tupperware is rubbish and not worth dying for and condoms save lives.
Having a large property that borders onto derelict homes and orchards is becoming a security risk; I am finding illegal animals coming over the boundary and stealing my animal’s food, hanging around and generally causing the legal residents to be too scared to venture out after dark.
Some illegals are drinking my pool water and often drowning in it, these wasps are unwanted; I have birds that think my fruit trees are purely for their consumption, cats that normally live in the olive groves bring rats and other vermin to illegal parties and probably take drugs.
My solution is simple, I shall build my walls higher, add razor wire along with booby traps, I shall make a point of taking baby birds, kittens, young wasps away from their parents and detain them but humanly supply them with little tin foil blankets (I’m not a barbarian).
I will make my gardens great again.
We men have no idea what a woman goes through preparing for a date or even a simple coffee meet up, They spend time and money on hair, nails clothing that more often than not costs more than a meal and drinks, yet we assume because we men pay for the meal we expect special thanks.
We men also have a false perception on what women like or how we think they like to dress.
So the questions are:
For the men, do you think a clean shirt, having a shave, washing the back, sack and crack is enough? And how do you think women should dress for a date.
For the women, how long do you typically prepare for a date, and how much do you spend on getting dolled up?
We have all probably eaten pies containing bits of human, now Scientists are combining human and pie DNA.
A Dr.Gregg has managed to not only combine human and pie DNA but has used his knowledge of genome and computer programming to upload human female DNA into a chicken and mushroom pasty, Her name is Annie and she had exhibited some PMS symptoms that Dr.Gregg has solved by being nice and pouring real gravy over her, she is calm and her skin is not flaking much now.
NASA’s Mars project will be manned by a Pieanaut who is a human/sausage roll hybrid named Carlos, he is currently undergoing extensive training and will soon be frozen and sent to Mars to form a new colony.
Here on Earth it won’t be long before we see pie/human babies growing up amongst us.
Naturally there has been some outrage:-
Sister Bidet-loo from the Holy something or other shouted with anger at the news before walking back into traffic and washing windscreens with her habit.
A Mr. Trump issued an executive order banning all pies from entering his Country. (although pies are welcome in California)
The EU issued a statement saying that Pies will now be given the same rights as cakes, Antelopes and Mobile phone companies.
The world is changing, are you ready?
This time of year we remember those persons who are no longer viable; we welcome those newly viable persons to celebrate their first season to be jolly.
Gifts allegedly made by vertically challenged non gender specific persons are placed under a holiday tree adorned with colourful multi-cultural decorations.
Non-affiliated Reindeer, one nasally challenged lay peacefully in a neutral diorama that was once called a nativity scene prior to becoming offensive, lyrics of songs of the past are now seen as racially insensitive and we now simply nod at each other while sipping on a glass of non-alcoholic egg and lactate based beverages, Long gone is the scent of roasting Turkey bird, replaced by a vegetarian nut loaf made from organic and free range non guilt complex forming ingredients.
Mistletoe is now banned due to the unwanted invasions of personal space with the sole purpose of s*xual assault against the opposite gender.
As midnight approaches the tension increases, the great genial non gender specific bearded person requests permission to enter private abodes by way of chimneys, archaic pieces of coal for the bad and gifts for the good are placed under the holiday tree, provided this person is left a small token of non-alcoholic sherry or a non-animal suet based pie our genderless giver will be happy.
Happy Holidays
During a recent conversation I was called a hoarder, I dont agree.
A small example of what I have:-
2 fridge freezers, a beer fridge and a chest freezer ( 2 kitchens)
3 Ovens
4 coffee machines (I did have 6)
50 plus coffee mugs and glasses ( I collected them)
4 dinner services,( I have these as I tend to put plates in my drawers and stack them on my printer and run out of plates after a week or so.)
5 Drills, about 6 sanders and more screwdrivers than the population of Wales.
Boxes of payslips and utilities bills from 20 years ago (as personal history)
I have stuff, so wonder am I a hoarder or just living in luxury?
Women require constant maintenance and servicing, some handy information to get the best performance out of a woman is:
Listen to her; she will make various noises, from a gentle purr to outlandish shouting, purr good shouting not! Listen carefully and nod your head and /or make sympathetic noises and this will help with her issues that she wants to describe or rant at you.
Women speak on average 20 000 words a day while men speak just 7000…
Hygiene: This is important; women don’t like a smelly mechanic, and remember you can come across as a stinky bastard in the cyber world too. Always keep your tool clean!
Manners and Etiquette: This is vital!, acting like a d*ck will ensure that the women loses interest, whether in real life or the cyber world being a narcissist or bully will only attract a woman of the lowest possible class and standard, for some this is adequate but any “relationship” won’t last, and you would have to scrap her, it could be costly to you too. Never compare her to your previous model.
Educated and informed: This is a vital part of woman maintenance, Showing cultural acceptance and being able to converse about current news and situations to family and relationship issues. Keep her manual updated!
Sense of humour : This is important, This does not just mean being witty, It also means not having for example a male hissy fit on the blogs or forums, most people in those locations don’t care about your self-serving woe is me crap, be upbeat, banter and make people laugh. laughing will make her inner engine purr.
Annual Inspection (MOT) Her annual inspection is purely to test that she has been well maintained and serviced, She should be checked for any leaks or other issues daily, these can range from tears to excess verbiage, often, simply washing the dishes will stop leaks.
Wear and tear is something to look out for, twisting her nipples like you are tuning a radio or digging into her inner workings without suitable permissions and essential lubricants will cause your inspection to fail.
If she needs fixing, then fix her, don’t wait until things fall apart, by then it will be too late.
Questions or additions?
Social justice busybodies and greedy public transport people are attempting to eradicate manspreading, its illegal in some countries including the USA and here in Spain.
LA, New York and Chicago fine men $75 for manspreading, Madrid is making it illegal too.
Manspreading is not a social disease, it’s not even a seating territorial issue, it’s because men’s scrotal sacks hurt when he is forced to sit in an unnatural position.
As the greed of transport companies increases the seat sizes are getting smaller, this means that even when a man has consciously sat with a reduced manspread he still takes up more than his allotted space.
New seating is being designed so that passengers are almost standing up; this may or may not help those adverse to spread legged males, so I wonder if in the future men will have to be castrated in order to use public transport.
I have noticed a correlation between the angle of the spread and proximity of females, the nearer a female the more the spread, so perhaps we should have separate male and female areas on planes, buses and trains.
You may argue that some men seem to be able to sit with their legs together, these are not real men, or perhaps some have learned to move the scrotal sack to a more comfortable position, it’s beyond me how they do it.
What are your views on manspreading, is it a natural thing or do you see it as something else?
qaStaHvIS qa' Hoch Segh je lalDan laj ghItlh blog pa' tlhIngan.
Hoch relevant, Hoch bImejpa' asimilated, resitance 'Iqbogh.
vaj transgender, pagh trans vay' SoH laj maH.
slim shady, nuqneH yIQam, nuqneH yIQam, Qam bel woDDI' real.
im vo' ruv nge' DechtaHvIS trans-irish?
bobby ewing Heghpu', qaStaHvIS yIn ghaH HoH 'e' babe qar.
DubelmoHchugh comments ghItlh neH tlhIngan.
To help, The translator is here
Ever since I was knee high to a zebra I had always dreamed of owning a pony, a pony of my very own. I scrimped and saved for many decades working 7 jobs at once; I sewed buttons on zipless jackets for 10 hours a day and worked as a plate washer at a major Burger chain.
Finally the day arrived, I had a paddock, a warm comfortable stable and a little rake all ready, Boomslang my pony was a reality.
We laughed and watched TV; we shared our meals and became the best of friends, his little grin always brightened up the cold dark days of winter.
One day a minibus of lost cheerleaders came by, they were cold and wet and in need of warmth, I invited them into the stable, they soon removed their skimpy wet outfits and warmed themselves in the hay. I offered hot cocoa and egg sandwiches and they gulped it all down and settled down to sleep.
I had a job down the coal mines before my hours at the cotton mills and left them under the care of my pony Boomslang.
I returned after my 78 hour shift ready for to ride Boomy around whilst I giggled uncontrollably and what greeted me will haunt me for the rest of my life, The cheerleaders had gone and the remains of my pony still glowed in the embers of a fire, his bones cleared of meat littered the stable, my bottle of Mayonnaise was also empty, Boomslang was gone, so were my dreams.
We all have dreams, or work hard towards achieving something, karma can strike and ruin them in an instant, but we can simply start again, after all dreams can be achieved with hard work and time.
Say whatever you want, just not that stuff that's dominating this place.
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