Posted: Wed Nov 5, 2008 7:14 AM CST
Getting old-Too Funny
My Views on Getting Old…it’s just too funny:
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
The nice thing about being senile is that you can hide your own Easter Eggs.
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia. I have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92; and I have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ’For fast relief’
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:05 PM CST
Erotica: Poem: Virgin Whore
VIRGIN WHORE
Woman don't grow sick at heart, unfurl
Let the stars be your guide-possess the world.
Though your pillow is of stone, dance and sing
Seek wonders to fire your mind and other things.
Your soul will slumber in eternal sleep without a name
But your memory will linger with frenzy and fame.
Female, lover of all things alive, passing without a trace,
Hiding the tumultuous privacy of storms upon your face.
Who so controlled you? None can claim that fate;
Intoxicated, we all seek your likeness to mate.
All feel your presence by your spell of might
Spirits drink of you all through the night.
To lay one finger upon your lips, our hearts clutch
To feel such painful joy from that one touch.
Our sinful pleasures are increased as never before
And the angels laugh when we plead for more.
If morning would break without the sun all would stay secure
For you, woman of liquid lips and silver floods, would endure.
When no voice is heard, no sign is near
You seek faces in dreams to see and hear.
Find peace in love's unselfishness, never quit, don't fall apart
Be the woman you can, covert the virgin fancies of the heart.
Her secrets of self-sacrifice are buried in sludge
But she holds herself apart of all she sees and does.
To gaze upon her eyes of love content your search is at an end
She dreams and prophesies, take her wealth, this female friend.
Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 10:03 PM CST
Erotica: Poem: Baked Alaska
BAKED ALASKA
I approach you with anticipating stealth
What's on the menu today?
I know your culinary talents, an abundance of wealth
You've laid the table, and I won't say nay.
I gaze longingly upon the spread
My mouth waters, sweat beads my body
As I gaze in awe and know my passion will be fed
I approach with a fear almost Godly.
Every known delight to man laid before me
I don't know where to start
I tentatively reach out to taste, can hardly see
As my breath races and so does my heart.
This is such a beautiful sight
One I knew you would prepare for me; at last.
I wished the long day to go fast, with all my might
So I may come home to you and ease my fast.
Now I will devour this feast
The sweet and the bitter, the dry and the wet
I will taste every morsel and not stop in the least
Because with every bite, a shiver I'll get.
After I have had my fill and am quite content
I'll cater to and pamper the chef, upon the bed she'll lay
As she deserves for being so exceptional and spent
So she can prepare a banquet for me another day.
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:12 PM CST
Erotica: Poem: Softly Savage
Softly Savage
Look at me, watch me, see me
What do you think you see?
Do you know what I wish to be?
Can you really reach down into me?
I will let you in on a secret
A desire I have, a special want
Something usually found in a crypt
So old it is; women, it haunts?
I want to be loved with savagery and bliss
I want to reach out in agony and joy
I want to be held hard and wildly kissed
I want to lose my breath and be coy.
I want to screech and throb
To clutch and scratch your back
To yank your hair, your sanity rob
To arch my body then go slack.
Come to me in the dead of night
Creep in beside me and coo
Curl around my legs and let me fight
For I have no other desire but you.
From the depths of sleep I will struggle
But stay with me and caress my lust
Don’t allow me to deny your touch; cuddle
Pin me down, swipe my sleep to dust.
Put your hands on me and wander
Feel me whither and sway
Listen to my moans; don’t stop to ponder
Capture me with your mouth; make me pay.
Don’t let me escape, ignore my pleas
For when I say “nay,” I mean “aye”
Throw your body over mine, my body sees
Pay no heed to my deep restless sighs
Dive deep into my eyes and see the truth
The desire and peak you have started
Know my wants as a woman; be uncouth
Swear at me; hold my legs parted
Taste me, lick me, and know me well
Force my legs open; raise my knees
Even if I resist hold onto that spell
For I lie, I want you to plea.
Love me tender; love me hard, in my loft
Bite my breasts; make me cry
Love me wild; love me soft
With a touch of savagery, love me dry.
©Daisy Dreams Creations Rêves de Marguerute/970826/CarmenEva
Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:11 PM CST
Erotica: Poem: Leave Me Evil
Leave Me Evil
When you get within close proximity of me
I can feel the tentacles of lust creeping
They drip down my neck and slither down
I can no longer pay attention, cannot see
My mind wanders off to illusions of touch
The lights flicker and dim
In my mind you are looking at me, wishing
And I decide I want you, oh so much!
I can feel sensations choke my chest and burn
I try to sit still but I can’t
I twist and turn, trying to dislodge this suction
But it won’t depart, worsens, my insides churn
I start to squirm, close my eyes, and lay back
I can see you in my mind; you are all over me
I can identify the desire in your soul to possess
An anticipating moan escapes; I await your attack.
I am a lady, never should feel the things that I do
Have to stay proper, follow the rules, and be contrite
“Hell!” I say. Lick me thoroughly with your evil
Rape my tongue; show me something new!
Suddenly I desire cool, black satin sheets
A bed surrounded with glimmering gauze
Wicked mirrors around and above
Barbaric fingers of flesh as we meet.
Seek and lap up my desire and lust
Eat my soul, suck my heart and chew me well
Kiss my anguish, search my eyes and laugh
But love me evilly, love me savagely, you must!
Ignore my pleas for release, kiss me silent, and use me well
Hear me yell in pleasure and continue your assault
Leave me soft and empty, limp and in a daze
But remember, your seed of evil, now in me dwells.
No man will ever be able to possess me as you did
He won’t get past my longing for your evil touch
I can fake it and pretend, be but a shell of flesh
For you, my demon, made me into one who’ll do as you bid.
©Daisy Dreams Creations Rêves de Marguerute/970602/CarmenEva