Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 9:06 PM CST
The Birth, Brief Life and Eternity of Love cont...
Steve and I had so many dreams and made so many wonderful plans for our future. Life was so good and I was happier than I had ever been. My son had some problems adjusting to the move, but he was happy. It meant the world to my son to have such a loving, healthy family and he loved Steve like a dad. Everything was going right and it seemed as though nothing could ever come between us, as I knew this love would last forever! 
After living together for 6 months, my world began to tumble down around me. Steve became ill and was admitted to the hospital. We were told that his appendix had ruptured, but everything would be okay after they did surgery. After the surgery, my son and I were at the hospital every day and night. We only left long enough for me to work and my son to attend school. On the 3rd day of Steve's hospitalization, I began to worry, as he was not doing well at all. He began having difficulty breathing and the nurses were neglecting him. Upon my arrival at the hospital that day, Steve told me that they would not even bring him a drink of water.
He could not get out of bed, due to the severe pain he was in and he was also becoming extremely bloated. I talked with the nurses and told them that something wasn't right. They assured me that he was okay and just needed to get out of bed and walk, even though I told them that he could not get out of bed. Like an idiot, I trusted them, as that is what I have been programmed to do. 
When I arrived to the hospital for my 2nd visit on the 4th day, Steve was failing fast. By this time, he began talking out of his head and having extreme breathing difficulty. A nurse's aide had put a re-breather mask on him the prior day, but he would not leave it on, telling me that they were trying to kill him. I explained that he had to wear it in order to get the oxygen he needed, but he insisted he could not breathe. Why didn't I "hear" him? I was very worried, but felt the staff knew what they were doing. I left that night, only to be called back an hour later. The nurse said Steve had pulled his IV and was wandering into other patients rooms. My son and I went back to the hospital and spent the night.
In the wee hours of the morning, Steve's breathing was worsening by the minute, and he was losing control of his bodily functions. I went to the nurse's station and told them that his oxygen saturation needed to be checked, as they were not doing this on a regular basis. His sats were down to 40, when they should be between 95-100. I began yelling at the nurses to intubate him; they refused, only telling him to stop panting like a puppy dog. I was irate and in a panic! 
I could not believe no one was listening to me, as I was running in and out of the room screaming, "SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HIM!" This was the last time Steve would witness my spunk. Apparently the nurse's aid that hooked up the re-breather oxygen mask had not filled the bag with oxygen, he was breathing carbon dioxide. These people that I was supposed to trust were suffocating him! 
Steve's life came to an end that morning, and I felt as if my life and his wonderful love had also come to an end. It has taken me almost 3 years to grieve his death and at times I wasn't so sure I would survive. As impossible as it was to realize then, I now know that true love never dies. His physical body may be gone, but his love will live on in my heart forever. 
Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 9:05 PM CST
The Birth, Brief Life and Eternity of Love
This is a true story that I wrote:
Sometimes in our lives, love blossoms, grows and lasts forever. I was blessed with this amazing love, although the physical aspect only lasted a year and a half. I may never find love again, but I will always have it in my heart because of one very special person. I will always feel blessed to have had the opportunity to be loved by him, and to love him with my whole being.
On a beautiful August day in 2003, love found me when I least expected it. At the time I did not realize what an impact it would ultimately have on my life.
Steve and I met on the Internet and talked for several months before deciding to meet. On that sunny, warm, August day, I had arranged a picnic and boating party for the people I worked with and invited Steve to join us. Surprisingly, he said yes and agreed to meet us there. As my sister and I drove to the shelter where the party was being held, I saw him sitting there at a picnic table. He looked so sweet and a bit nervous as I walked towards him. I introduced myself and felt an instant connection. I was not dressed up or wearing any make-up that day, as I was in my "boating clothes", which consisted of a pair of Capri's, T-shirt and a baseball cap. I was surprised that he even sparked an interest in me.
My bosses grown son was there and asked his mom how long we had been married. He told her that we looked as if we belonged together and was shocked that it was the first time we had me face to face. The comments of that stranger validated the instant feelings I was having for Steve.
I asked Steve if he wanted to ride in the truck with me while I backed the boat trailer into the water. Understand that I had only done that a couple of times and it takes skill and practice, which I did not have. There was a man waiting in line impatiently behind me. He must have felt I was taking too long because he cut me off as I was backing down the ramp with a 2000 pound boat. Oh, was I ticked off! I stopped the truck, jumped out and began yelling at the man. We had several heated words, while Steve was in he truck saying, in his adorable southern accent, "you are going to get my butt kicked!" 
After that incident, I thought I had blown it with that sweet man. He must of liked my spunk though; we were a couple from that day on. It still amazes me how quickly we realized we were made for one another. Before he left that evening, he thanked me for asking him to accompany me throughout the day. I intentionally did hat knowing how out of place he must have felt. I fell in love with Steve that day! 
Almost a year later, we decided to take the next step in our relationship by moving in together. Steve worked for for and only had 3 years until retirement. I opted to leave my job of 4 years, take my son and move to Louisville to be with him. We rented a beautiful house and made it a wonderful home, even though I did not find a job for 3 months and money was extremely tight.
I had never known a love like that before, and I was finally able to give my son the family I had always dreamed of. We had regular family meetings and did a lot of communicating. We did not have arguments; if we saw things differently, we agreed to disagree and moved on.
My spunk did reappear on a few occasions with his grown son, Steven, however. Steven moved in with us, agreeing to help pay rent and is the reason we had a 3 bedroom house. That boy wouldn't even get a job! 
This situation definitely did not help with our financial situation. Not only did we have to pick up Steven's share of the rent, we had to feed him too! 
Steven and I had quite a few disagreements, and I honestly felt he was taking advantage of Steve and I. This became very painful for Steve. He did not want to see or say anything bad about his name sake and first born son, even though he could see what was happening.
Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 11:39 PM CST
Random Thoughts
Sometimes I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life and it doesn't bother me too much. Other times, I feel so lonely and yearn for that special someone. I guess that means that I'm a bit confused or maybe it's because I haven't met the one that makes me feel "ready" to be in a relationship again.
I am such a sharing, caring person and desperately want someone to share with and care for. I was at my son's football game tonight and saw all the couples. I began to feel very out of place and lonely. I wanted someone to share those wonderful moments with...the excitement of his team winning the game by 50 points!
I have so much to give to the right person, but it has to be the "right" person. I used to "settle", just to have someone in my life and I can't and won't do that anymore. I need someone that will treat me as well as I treat them. I love to pamper, give compliments, give encouragement and talk openly about anything that comes to mind. I need and want a best friend that I can give my heart, body and soul to.
Are you out there? Can you love me for everything I am and everything I'm not, just as I will love you? I want to find the last love of my life!
