How to Make Friends When You Are Over 30

How to Make Friends When You Are Over 30

Making friends during your teens and early twenties is relatively easy. At school or college, most people you meet are single, childless, and eager to make new friends, but as you age things change: people are busy with their careers, family and aging parents which leave people with little time. They seem to have made their lifelong friends, and of course many now have partners and children. Everyone needs love and support, especially during moments of crisis and pain, such as divorce or the death of a parent. It is often at such moments that people realize how few deep, loving relationships they have.

So how do you meet new people when you are no longer a college student or a 20-something in the first stages of your career? First, there is what might be called the "acquaintance stage," meaning initial contact. This is relatively easy. Anyone can join a sports club or take up golf in order to meet new people. But choose carefully. As anyone who has struggled through an unhappy marriage knows, spending time with the wrong person can make you feel much, much worse. Consider what you want. If you are by nature a sensitive, introverted sort and reeling from a divorce or the loss of a parent, you are unlikely to meet the kinds of people who suit you at a boxing or football club.

The next stage is trickier. How do you turn an acquaintance into a friend? Anyone can join an evening class, make more effort with work colleagues, or nod and smile at a neighbor. But moving to a close friendship requires courage, daring, and self-belief. The key is to take the initiative and be prepared for rejection. If you are going to progress to friendship, you must spend time together in a setting in which intimacy can develop. Find out their passions. Perhaps they love art or the theater, or maybe they are a sports fan. If you share an interest in such things, try inviting them to a play or a game. Don't be over-eager, but do be honest. Try saying "oh, I'm a bit of an art lover myself, but I don't know many people who share my interest. Maybe we could go to the new Rembrandt exhibition? It would be nice to go with someone for a change -- art has always been a solitary interest for me."

Then maybe invite them for a drink afterwards (alcohol or cup of coffee helps people relax). It can also be useful to talk about intimate things. You must be careful here. Don't rush your new friend and make them uncomfortable. When people first meet, they usually spend time figuring each other out. Don't go bursting into tears over a glass of wine and start telling them how lonely you have been since your wife left you. Do try steering the conversation toward deep, meaningful, and personal subjects whenever you can. Rather than asking them about their love-life, their career, or their children, begin by telling them about yours. Admit your vulnerabilities, failures, and fears, but do so in a light-hearted, jokey manner. Remember, you are testing the water. You may find this prompts them to open up about their own life. Once you reach this intimate stage, you must then invest time. As with any kind of relationship, time is the key.

Finally, consider your own behavior. Ask not what a new friend has to offer you, but what you have to offer a new friend. What do you imagine your new friend is looking for? People are different of course, but most want a friend who will listen attentively. And no one wants a friend who is miserable, negative, and pessimistic. Focus on the positive; if you spend the time talking about cancer, old age, and the climate crisis, don't be surprised if people do not want to see you again. Everyone knows about these horrible things, and they don't wish to be reminded during a dinner party. Instead, make an effort to talk about cheerful, happy things. And take an interest in as wide a range of subjects as possible. Nothing will seal a friendship quite like a mutual passion.

Above all, remember that you will get back what you give. If you approach the world with anger and aggression, if you seek to manipulate and use people, you won't get far. Approach the world with a kind, open, and loving heart without expecting or demanding such things in return, and people will naturally gravitate toward you.

Comments (2)

LuckyDuck2018
Oh I am full positive energy just running out time...biological clock is rapidly clicking telling me like timer I will so DONE when I reach 40! almost super insane...sigh trying this method...find my other me to complete the crazy circle of life how that hard...hmm its so hard I've been trying all means of dating services and all them failed...help

So yawn sleep doh I am still here...
JezzieStone
Get their hang out handle and send them VIDS LMAO head banger banana rolling on the floor laughing

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