How do you respond when you have been wronged? When a relationship has been damaged, can it be restored? Is it possible to forgive and forget?
Every relationship has its ups and downs. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, you will be wronged. You may feel betrayed, victimized, or abandoned, and the wounds may be severe. So when that happens, are you able to forgive?
Forgiveness is not always easy. In fact, at times it can seem almost impossible. But forgiveness can be achieved by adhering to these three rules.
A. Do not keep bringing the issue up. When you continually pick at a wound, it never has the time to heal. Likewise, when you continually remind yourself and others about an injustice, you keep reopening the wound. You cannot get over it because you keep bringing it up. As a result, you are unable to extend forgiveness.
If you have been wronged, it may be necessary to discuss it once or twice with the offender. But the aim of these talks should be to work toward forgiveness and reconciliation. They should not be to cast blame, nor should the talks be ongoing in an attempt to make them feel guilt or shame. Forgiving means you are letting it go. You are not going to hold the wrong over their head, nor will you wield it as a weapon.
Abraham Lincoln was someone with the ability to forgive. Ralph Waldo Emerson described Lincoln with these words: "His heart was as great as the world, but there was no room in it to hold the memory of a wrong." If you are going to offer forgiveness, you must let go of the memory of a wrong.
B. Refuse to tell others about the wrongdoing. If they are not involved, they do not need to know about it. Gossiping about the person who has wronged you only serves to create an even greater chasm in your relationship. Plus, it will become much harder to extend forgiveness and restore your relationship with them.
There is no benefit for you in telling others about the wrongdoing. You will not feel better; you will only be feeding your feelings of resentment and bitterness. So do your best to keep the matter private. Only discuss it with those who are already involved, and even then only as a means to resolve the situation.
C. Leave the past in the past and move forward. Forgiveness is not a one-time decision; it is a journey. Forgiveness requires you to make a continual choice to leave the offense behind you. It is the decision that you are going to move forward in life. And as you do, the memory of the offense will become more and more distant. You may not be able to completely remove the wrong from your memory, but you can leave it in the past.
Particularly if the wounds are deep, you may find it difficult to forgive. It may even take years before the forgiveness is final. But over that time, the decision to forgive will become easier until the wrong is completely behind you.
Can you truly forgive and forget? You can forgive, yes. But forget? Probably not. It may never completely disappear from your memory. But you can decide that it will no longer be an issue in your relationship. You can determine that it will no longer shackle you to that moment in the past. You can choose to get beyond it and move forward in your life.
Would YOU like to publish an article on Connecting Singles? Are you an expert at something, have an interesting story, or a good lesson to teach... why not share with other members. If you have experience or expertise in a topic that will be of interest to CS members, you may submit an article to be published on the site.
Post your own Article »
Comments (4)
Here's a story of a Psychiatrist who worked at a Hospital for the Criminally Insane on the Big Island. It was SO BAD there that staff had to walk down the halls with their back to the wall. He supposedly never met a single patient but did this 'process' for all of them every day. Miraculously, the Hospital was closed three years later as all patients had become 'rehabilitatied enough to at least get moved to a Half-way House. You can find his story online. Just type "Ho oponopono". The process is simple: You simply recite the following" "'Person's name', I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me. Thank you.'" Now you must realize that you are NOT at fault in most cases. The 'please forgive me' part must be seen as you being a member of the human race so that what hurts on, hurts all. Unless this involved someone you have personally interacted with in a harmful way, you must not 'take it on'.
I have used this on drivers who have been tailgating me. 90% of the time, they immediately back off.
Just a suggestion............:)