Life with an Ex +

Stroke and Life after Surviving one

I have an interesting story to share with you and maybe it may help anyone struggling with dealing with an ex husband or ex boyfriend that you share children with. Life does sometimes bless you amongst struggles in life, and you do see a silver lining in it. i have had that experience twice in my life and has changed me for the person I am today. Seven years ago I was going through a rough time with my disability children and my husband who was a philanderer and a cheat and a thief. Now don't get me wrong I have no anger towards him at all and have dealt with all this just fine and I am merely stating true facts here and not a put down towards him in either way shape or form and he is a changed man from then to now. He and I did not see eye on anything with the raising of the two kids with their disabilites so wasn't any type of support at all and i raised them alone. It was a blessing for me as I watched two beautiful children grow into teenagers matured and fun loving like me while he missed out on it. When I separated from him then he was visiting the kids and I supervised his visits myself which turned out to be a good thing as I had had the kids with me since they were born anyways and raised them alone while he did his thing. While we were separated we learned things about ourselves that we had never shared while we were married to one another. He wasn't able to cope with two kids being handicapped because he had felt it was his fault they were like that and he assumed I blamed him for it. He also told me that it was a pride thing with men that they didn;t want to admit there was a flaw in their children. I never realized that about him and so we talked it through and worked that out with his visits but he still had not achieved normal visits with the kids but it worked for us, in the end. When two years later he suffered a stroke he had no memory of us or our marriage or the kids period. That was difficult to handle as he had no memories at all and had to retrain himself all over again and get to know me and the kidsn as something new but familiar in his life all over . I got called every simple name you could think of from pat, tom, bill, ed and my favourite two were jim and fred. I laugh at it now but it wasn't funny at the time, let me tell you.... there were days I wanted to punch his lights out as it was so annoying. However, when I put myself in his shoes and saw things from his eyes it changed my views in life and about the situation in a hurry. It helped me to realize men who were once strong in character can be so traumatized by a heath situation and are emotionally distressed as we women are and can be beaten down to nothing just as we women can. It changes you as a person when you can see someone through the pain and struggles they are going through. I have found more love, more forgiveness, and more compassion and affection and attention towards people than ever before. He still doesn't remember me or the kids births or anything from when we were married but he does have a new relationship with me and the kids and he is with his new sweetie and I couldn't be happier. There was a blessing in all of this as now I have a better understanding of men and how their emotions are and how they need as much love and attention and affection as we women do. They need us to listen and try to put ourselves in their place and know how things are for them as much as we want them to do it for us. Laughter is also a good policy to adopt as well and don't see it as a bad thing. As for bringing up the past i suggest you don't worry about the things you can't change and only change what you can. If you can find the humor and a blessing in the situation along the way do look for it and you will find it works better. It has for me and the kids and we are blessed largely. I am not giving this story for sympathy as I am a happy person with a lot of joy in her life and roll with all the ups and downs in life with fun and laughter and don;t let a lot bother me at all. When you are deciding what is best for the kids remember it took love to bring them into the world they live in and even if they were a surprise they are kids who deserve the best from the two of you always and you will find sometimes the things you meant to each other at that time will mean more when you are looking for another mate for your partner in the second half of your life. This article isn't meant to give you advice or put you down or make fun of anyone but if it helps someone along the way, then I am glad I shared it with you. My ex and I have a good relationship and one with the kids now and even though his visits he isn't able to have his kids by himself with his fiance as she has to take care of him and isn't able to look after the kids too like normal people's visits are with their kids, it works for us . Keep the lines of communication open and you will discover new things about your ex in a whole new light and may surprise you too. Thanks for listening and remember this is only an article of interest not for any other reason being so if it helps someone then the objective was achieved. Please do not take offense to anything here as that wasn't my intent at all.