Ever feel like you're losing in love? Can't ever get past the first date? Do women give you fake numbers or simply leave half way through a date when you've gone off to the restroom? Well, it's time for your luck to change my friend! Follow these simple dating tips to help ensure that your love life is everything you ever wanted it to be.
1. You are what you eat
Chances are that if you're on the dating scene, sooner or later you'll take someone out for a meal; heck everybody has to eat at some point. It doesn't matter much where you take your date as long as they like that kind of food, everyone has different tastes, Indian, Italian, Chinese, there's no right or wrong; but what does matter is what you order.
That's a spicy meatball!
Now guys, it may impress your buddies and show off your macho endurance that you can eat the spiciest vindaloo at your local Indian restaurant with only minimum sweating, eye watering, and fifteen pints of water. It may impress your friends but don't expect your date to be amazed by your iron gut.. for some reason women are just strange that way. Likewise, unless you take some industrial strength chewing gum or bleach-like mouthwash along with you, don't be surprised if she won't kiss you afterwards, or for that matter if she doesn't stand downwind of you. Flatulence that could kill a bear and the ability to melt through bank vaults with your dragon breath alone just aren't great qualities on a date.
If you ever want to get beyond the first date, then spare some thought for how messy your food is going to be. No one, but no one, can manage to eat a spaghetti bolognaise or noodle soup without a little spray back or splashing, and messy eaters should be worried that you may look like you're in a splatterfest horror film after going toe to toe with a plate of bolognaise. Even if you don't care if you get a few specks of food down your best shirt, she'll definitely be less than impressed to end up wearing half your meal on her new dress.
Also bear in mind allergies and diets before taking your lady out for a meal. Chances are your vegetarian date won't be too happy to watch you chow down on a giant t-bone steak or a viel kebab. It doesn't matter how good your slab of bleeding meat tastes, if your date ends up thinking you're more wolf than man, your craving for bloody flesh will mean the chances of a repeat date are fairly small.
Death by peanut
Please, please, please, ask if she has any allergies before you order. Remember it's not just what she eats that can prove lethal, but what you eat too. That peanut satay chicken may seem pretty good now, but it could be a killer later on. Picture the scene.. you make a good impression over dinner, all goes well, you get a good night kiss. And then while kissing your ugly mug she gets a big whiff of that lovely peanut sauce on your breath. Any date that ends with the woman being taken away in the back of an ambulance, blue in the face from lack of oxygen because her allergic reaction to your peanut breath has closed all the muscles in her throat, cannot be considered a success. Chances of being asked out for a second date are slim, and that's just if she survives.
2. Jibber Jabber
Everybody says the art of conversation is dead in our modern world; if it is, be grateful. There's nothing more awkward than having to make small talk with someone you've just met, but hey you're on a date, it comes with the territory. Suck it up and deal with it big guy.
So, tell me about yourself.
Everyone's heard the old cliché, when on a date ask lots of questions about the lady, she'll be flattered and you won't have to think of too much conversation. But don't take this to extremes. If you don't say anything about yourself she won't think that you're mysterious and attractive, but more likely that you've got a shady past, skeletons in your closet, corpses under the floorboards; creepy stuff.
On the other hand don't go overboard talking about yourself. Don't go into detailed explanations of why you're single, why you're last relationship ended in crockery throwing matches, your bad habits, why women don't find you attractive. She'll think you're self obsessed, and you'll probably say something that'll just plain scare her off. It's all about striking up some kind of balance.
3. Let's do Dutch, baby.
A lady loves a gentleman, right? Holding doors open, helping her to her seat, taking her coat, it's not sexist, it's just good manners. Just don't go too overboard with it. When it comes to paying the bill for a meal or evenings drinks, it's always a tricky moment. Should you pay it all, being kind and generous and all that? Or should you be modern and show your love of equality, splitting it between you? Ideally you should offer to pay, to show you're willing and to show you've enjoyed her company. If she suggests going Dutch and splitting it then at least you've made the offer. Whatever happens don't insist on paying if she does want to split it. You won't be seeming like an old fashioned gent, but more likely a cad and a bounder. You'll seem to be living in the last century, when women weren't treated as equals, were chained to the kitchen and the bedroom, and men thought women couldn't look after themselves; not a great impression to be making. So offer to pay, but then also be prepared to split it, or compromise and let her take care of the tip. Whatever happens, do not insist that she pay! Tightwad.
If, miraculously, the date is going well enough that you get invited back to her place for coffee, watch out! We all know that sometimes 'coffee' can sometimes be a veiled invitation for something just as hot and steamy, but rarely had in a mug. But hold your horses Casanova, don't jump the gun. Sometimes coffee really does just mean coffee. She won't thank you if she comes out of the kitchen and finds you lounging on her sofa in nothing but your tiger skin posing pouch all ready for action, when all she wanted was a warm evening drink. If that happens, then you're more likely to end up wearing the coffee (and that can leave some really nasty scalds when you're in nothing but your boxers) than getting any 'coffee' action.
5. I'll call you. No, really.
If you haven't managed to scare off your date yet, and things have even gone well enough that she's considering a second date, for Pete's sake call her! It's not big and macho to leave her hanging for weeks, waiting for you to call. You're not playing it cool, you're being a jerk. By the time you actually call her back, if you ever remember to, she'll have doubtless gone off with another guy, someone who actually gets in touch within a month of saying he will. Equally, don't call her the second you get home to tell her what a great time you had, you'll just come across as needy and desperate. Aim for somewhere in the middle of macho and needy, call her the next day, say you had a good time without telling her it was the single best few hours of your entire miserable life. Show a little tact. You never know, you might just get that second date.