When He’s Not Ready for a Commitment... and You Are

It can be very painful when the man you thought was going to be "the one" tells you that he's not ready for a commitment. When this happens, some women react by trying very hard to become the perfect girlfriend. They try to prove they are indispensible by doing everything for him, but this strategy doesn't work. The best strategy in this situation may seem more painful in the short run, but it is the only one that works in the long run.

You want a serious relationship; he doesn't. How often have you been in that situation? This can be one of the most painful experiences to live through, especially when you are really, really in love with the guy. You thought that everything was going great and you were getting closer and closer to each other, and BAM! You had "the talk" and he told you those dreaded words, "I'm just not ready for a commitment right now."

Too many women who are faced with this situation simply refuse to believe it. Instead, they tell themselves, "We belong together, I just know it. We're so perfect for each other. I'm going to hang in there and show him how perfect I am for him." And then they try to do all the things that will show the guy how much he needs her. They will double down on doing the cooking and cleaning, making romantic gestures, giving gifts, and going all-out in the sex department.

This strategy is not going to work. Even if it seems to work for a while, it will fail in the long run. Eventually he is going to feel like he's boxed into a corner and he's going to blame you for it. He'll let you keep doing his laundry, cook his meals, and warm his bed, but he isn't going to fall in love with you. He might keep you around because he likes the convenience, even if he doesn't like the guilt. But to him, you're just the maid of convenience.

The LAST thing you should do when he says he doesn't see the two of you having a future together is try to prove to him that you are indispensable. You should NOT be trying to show him how nice you are or how sexy you are, thinking that he is going to change his mind, because HE WON'T. He may keep you around a little bit longer, but he won't fall in love with you. And the pain you suffer may even greater when he inevitably will for his next relationship. The right thing for you to do is to say, "Goodbye. Have a nice life. I'm going to look for somebody who does want to make a commitment to me."

When you feel hopelessly in love with this guy who keeps telling you that you don't have a future together, this is really hard to do. It's hard to accept that he really doesn't want you in the picture that he has of his future life. It's hard to believe that you are better off without him, because at the moment all you feel is pain and confusion.

At a time like this, you need to pull yourself together, and put yourself first. Instead of feeling sad that you lost this great love you thought you had, it's time to rediscover yourself. Put yourself first for a while. Get some new hobbies. Take a trip. Spend quality time with your girlfriends. You need to make your own life the best it can be... so that when you meet the next great guy, he will be blown away by how happy and fulfilled you are.