Let Go and Move on – How to Cope With Feelings for an Ex

Let Go and Move on How to Cope With Feelings for an Ex

Whatever the circumstances are that brought your relationship to an end, it's inevitable that both sides will grieve for the passing of your once great romance. Whether you ended it or he did, the feelings that you experience following the break-up can be intense, and sometimes unexpected. Here are some tips to help you work your way through this difficult period and come out the other side ready to embrace love once more.

Accept that you won't get back together

Although you may feel that your love deserves a second chance, the likelihood of rekindling your romance and making the relationship successful again is doubtful. However heart-breaking it is to face up to, you both split up for a reason and that isn't going to go away. He's not pining for you and trying to build up the courage to call; he's moving on with his life and so should you.

Try to limit contact

You may have convinced yourself that you're just going to give him a quick call about picking up your mail, but you know full well that you're hoping for more and will turn the conversation to your relationship given half a chance. After your break-up, attempt to keep contact to an absolute minimum. If you have a helpful friend or family member, ask that person if he or she would communicate with your ex on your behalf. There's no shame in such actions. Keeping your distance will give you time to relax and you won't have to worry about what to say to him.

Rid yourself of reminders

Reminders of him around your home can act as emotional triggers. Will bursting into tears every time you see the mug he drank his morning coffee from help you? If objects you associate with him are bringing difficult emotions to the surface, rid yourself of them. If you have the courage to, throw them away. If letting go is too difficult at the moment, pack them into a box and give them to a friend to take care of.

Talk to people you trust and don't feel guilty

No one expects you to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start living life normally within weeks of a break-up. You have every right to be upset and angry. Don't feel guilty for releasing these emotions. Talk to friends and family who you trust to be sympathetic and treat your discussions with confidence. Do not provide too much information to people who are still close to your ex. Not only will you be putting these friends in an uncomfortable position, but things you say could easily be misconstrued and get back to your ex-partner.

Plan for your future

A sudden change to your image of the future can be jarring. Where once you saw marriage and kids on the horizon, now you only see uncertainty. Embrace it. Every day will be different and whatever you decide to do is completely in your control. If you've always wanted to visit Australia, start saving money for the trip of a lifetime. If you wanted to try salsa dance lessons but your ex always refused, take some girlfriends and laugh all night long.

Don't force regret about the relationship

Regret is an easy emotion to experience. On the other hand, positivity is hard work. Don't force yourself to feel regret about the relationship. There were many good and bad aspects to your relationship and you need to accept both. Your relationship wasn't time wasted. It was an opportunity to grow and learn. Although your break-up was difficult, you gained so much knowledge about being a partner and being a relationship. Look on the relationship positively and use your experience to make your next relationship one to cherish.

No one ever said that love was easy. The feelings you have for your ex are still raw. It will take time, but you will come out of the other side of this period with a new-found love of life and your ex will be a distant memory. Now is the time to let go and move on.

Comments (2)

1960Harleygirl
i love the lines in the song from big wreck (wolves) "bleed out your heart, if it's still beating, for someone else...break all those chains that keep you tethered, that keep you safe"

made me realize so hard in that moment that i will never be able to love another until i let go of the one that chooses not to be with me...
Ellla
thank you for this brilliant article. it's so true and what i needed

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