Long distance relationships often hold the unappealing reputation for being short-term, unreliable relationships that tend to sizzle then die a short time later. This reputation is not without satisfactory proof. Long distance relationships require more work than normal ones and they often fall prey to loneliness and miscommunication easier than relationships where the couple live in the same state or city. Here are a few reasons why long distance relationships ( LDRs) may be doomed from the very beginning.
Long distance relationships force couples to live parallel lives. You each have your own set of friends, go to different cafes and bars, have different hobbies, and even go to bed in different time zones. Most people in LDR relationships also resent the fact that they are not really like most couples who have a circle of common friends that they can hang out with.
Most couples find comfort in the fact that family and friends recognize them as part of a couple. A couple identity often helps solidify the bond between the couple and affirm to outsiders that there is something serious between them. It is harder to forge a couple identity if no one sees you together hanging out in the same cafe, having lunch in a restaurant or doing volunteer work together. For most couples, the lack of a couple identity undermines the value that they should place in their relationship. It makes it easier to think of the LDR as something that you only attend to when you are in front of the computer, but not when you are out with your friends.
Miscommunication is often the first enemy of long distance couples. Being unable to see the other person's body language can make it hard to decipher the real tone of a text message, an email, or even a voicemail. One or two misread signs are ok, but when this becomes the normal thing, it could easily lead to arguments and more miscommunication down the road.
Most couples start with a plan to talk each night, or to send messages all throughout the day. Skype is the LDR couple's weapon against countless nights of loneliness. However, as days turn to months you often notice that it gets easier to do something else, like watch TV or surf for the newest movies online while the other party is on a small Skype window in a corner of your computer screen. While some couples feel comfortable doing this night after night, there are times when one party wants to have a deep, meaningful conversation and the other party may not be up for the job because he is busy doing something else. This could cause the other party to feel like he or she is taken for granted or that the other party may not be the right person to go to when he or she needs someone who can engage her in an engaging and intelligent conversation.
This is true for some but not all. In the age of the internet it is not uncommon to develop feelings for someone who you meet online. You fall in love, or think you do, and both of you commit to stay in an exclusive relationship, not realizing the amount of commitment needed to stay faithful to someone you have never met. For most couples who start out this way, it does not take a lot to stray. There could be more attractive prospects nearby, and some may end up 'cheating' on the other with someone closer while maintaining the virtual relationship for fear of hurting the other party.
Not being able to see someone or know what they are doing, or not knowing the people that the other person is hanging out with, can leave the other party wondering if the other person is really where he is or doing what he says he is doing. LDRs require a lot of faith and if you are the type of person who finds it hard to trust someone, this could easily lead to doubt. Reassuring a doubting partner is also almost impossible to do the phone, which further adds to the problem.
A long distance relationship has worked for numerous couples in the past, and there are many couples who are making it work right now. However, the numbers do not lie. For every couple who succeeds in making an LDR worth their while, ten more end up in bitterness, resentment, and regret. Before entering an long distance relationship, it is important to remember that LDRs require double the amount of work, understanding, and appreciation that normal relationships require. If making a normal relationship work has taken its toll on you, ask yourself whether you can take the pressure of an long distance relationship before committing to one.Would YOU like to publish an article on Connecting Singles? Are you an expert at something, have an interesting story, or a good lesson to teach... why not share with other members. If you have experience or expertise in a topic that will be of interest to CS members, you may submit an article to be published on the site.
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Comments (14)
It's has worked for many of my friends who are happily married and living overseas and they celebrate more than a decade of marriage...
It's in the man's hand as they go looking for a somethings quick and then intimacy too plays a roll LDR who lives across thousands of miles can't be able to do that... BUT that's the best relationship as you have a great foundation and then comes the happy hour intimacy to play and yes that's a bonus... But some woman and men jump out of their relationship way too soon... And that exactly where they find the wrong kind partner...you will be even married but in time they keep looking for something else and then your back in the same position.
A decade I was a single never dated nor had any form of relationship with a gentleman...but I was pressured by my friends and I finally agreed and came in to this site... Was never active... But open my self to the world nearly two months now and there were more than 1200 response from gentleman even without a my pictures... But was not my choice and ignored and last June nearly end of the month a picture popped up on my matches and the very moment I saw it I had this feeling this is it...and I kept looking at the picture and I read him and what I could gather from the image was we both were looking for the same thing and once and for all... So twice I ignored it but then I realized if I don't go a step toward to find my partner he might not know I exist as I didn't have a picture... So I did the ultimate and wrote to himself and he wrote back we communicated few days on site. He kept sending his number to be contacted one to one still I insist that we write on our personal email...and then I shared and image of mine after few day.. And finally we were chatting on what'sapp...then he wanted to talk I was shy as I have not done this in ages... But after few days we spoke to...we liked each other and week passed we were like teenagers... But two weeks to it I started senses his eagerness dropping even though he still wanted to come see me...and then came with the ultimate words ...and even when I reminded him that those words should not be said easily...I wore pressistantly confirming...and current day he is extremely missed on my what'sapp account... I wanted to on one to one so if there are things to discuss and matter around we find method & ways to handle the situation.. But nothing.... So I am back in my little world... Knowing finding true love is difficult and it take a great deal for the gentleman...if you need intimacy within weeks then it's something build on that activity...you will put up with that person for some time due to the greed and fun your having...but there comes a day you two will seek others and get board...
My personal statement is Long distance relationship CAN work... But you should be committed and dedicated to your goal and not deviate from temptations.... If my friend who I was talking realize that reckless he puts him self to find someone quick near by will have a good chance but the other partner too be having the same appetite for intimacy... Heart aches are bound to happen there and cheating... Loyalty is limited to short time span...
I wish him good luck...as for me I want to meet people as pen pals now.. I don't want to go finding love because I know exactly what it is that I want it it's no longer with me.....
One of two things can happen. We stay in the "friend" zone, or one of us move to be with the other.
We all need someone there...when we need them. Not online or on the phone, just there.
If you love a person you will find a way to be with them without making excuses
I feel to enhance a Ldr, its best to talk on a daily basis not mainly at nights and if one party can travel to visit the other in the midst, there's more chance of the relationship been a success.
It works for busy people actually who wants some privacy
The biggest problem is only misscommunication.
If hes here i can touch and hugs him... and sure he will understand.
human touch is more than anything.
Same here, it could work, it might not...I'd say the odds of a LDR are not as good as a real relationship in person.
But if you don't try, you'll never know.