Developing a Deeper Appreciation for the People You Love
He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~Epictetus
Many people are guilty of taking the people and the things in their life for granted. No matter what the situation, it seems that the natural human tendency is to see what you don't have or what others are doing wrong instead of focusing on the good things in life. Although it may be normal to wish for some things to be different, it is equally important not to take the people in your life for granted – especially those with whom you have a close relationship.
Defining Appreciation
To have appreciation is closely related to having gratitude. It is to be able to realize and recognize something or somebody in a thankful manner. When we appreciate something, we seek to understand it better. For example, somebody may have an appreciation for art, science, or the written word. When we appreciate somebody, we assign value to them and esteem them proportionately. But appreciation is not an inherent emotion like anger or happiness. It is something that is learned and developed through practice.
The Process of Appreciating
To analyze the process of appreciation, we must first look at the concept of focus – where we put our attention. Contrary to what many believe, this aspect of our cognitive function is under our complete control. We can choose to focus on the bills coming in the mail, or we can focus on the fact that we have a job and get a regular paycheck. The same goes with our relationships with people. We can look at the flaws and weaknesses in our friend or partner, or we can highlight their strong points and good qualities.
Where we put our attention has a lot to do with habitual thought patterns. For example, if we grew up in a household where our parents were always complaining then we may have formed a habit of looking for what we don't like about life. To develop appreciation, we have to practice examining our own thoughts and beliefs about people and make a conscious decision to change. Sometimes it takes getting out our cognitive magnifying glass and searching for the good in people. When we do this enough, it becomes second nature.
Tips for Learning to Appreciate People
Sometimes we don't see them, but blessings are all around us. If we are to enjoy those blessings, it is imperative that we recognize them. To help you learn to appreciate the loved ones in your life, follow these simple tips:
- Be proactive. When it comes to practicing appreciation, you must take a proactive approach. This means that the next time you are annoyed with a loved one, make a conscious decision to turn your focus toward their good qualities. Everybody has them and it will help you see the value in your relationship.
- Express your appreciation. Like love, appreciation is an action word. Make an effort to not only tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, but show them as well.
- Nix negativity. Make a resolution to not speak negatively about anybody. This will cause a positive shift in your thinking patterns.
One of the most valuable assets that humans have is the capacity to have relationships and to love one another. People who are able to appreciate the people they love have fuller, richer, more meaningful lives.