Who Pays?

History has established that men pay for dates. After all, it wasn't until the latter half of the 20th century when women actually entered the work force in significant numbers. So logically, it was the man who paid since the female was usually unemployed or at least made significantly less money. This necessity was well established throughout time and helped to prove to the female and her family that he was able to take care of her well beyond courtship. Even when a woman comes into a marriage with a dowry, it is still expected for the man to provide for her as Wikipedia states a dowry is meant as protection from ill treatment from a husband and his family. The dowry "provides an incentive to the husband not to harm the wife." It is not meant as a means for the wife to pay her own way.

Today women in the workplace are a force to be reckoned with. They are shattering glass ceilings and according to the Minneapolis StarTribune are less affected by the current recession. Men are losing more jobs than women; however men earn more than women in the same jobs and more high paying jobs go to men. Women are breaking new ground and blowing away stereotypes but are still comparatively underpaid.

So who pays?

There isn't a clear cut answer. There are so many variables: is it a first date or the 10th date? Are you casually dating or in a relationship? Is either person unemployed? Does one person feel it's important to their pride to pay? Is one person excessively cheap? Does your culture dictate who pays? Many variables exist.

In my opinion, the FIRST date should be paid for by the person who asks the other out. That should be simple. However, I know many men who would insist upon paying even if a woman asked him out. But if a woman is doing the asking, she better be prepared to ante up. Beyond this... it's up to the couple to decide.

After the first few dates, the couple needs to discuss this and decide together who pays. Money issues are a top cause of divorce, so this topic is best dealt with openly and early on. Open, honest discussions lead to stronger relationships whether marriage is your goal or not. Understanding and accepting the other person's attitudes and opinions is a good thing, and it does not mean you have to agree. If you are uncomfortable discussing something as important as this with your significant other, this could be a red flag... use it as a filter. Not every pair is a perfect match. Discovering if your monetary attitudes are compatible will benefit you in the long run.

The reason most people date is to get to know each other and to find their best match, not to settle for just anyone. Who pays on a date is a step in the process of discovery. Dating not only helps you find the best person to spend your time with, it also helps you filter out those you'd be miserable with. Take your time, be honest with yourself and don't forget to have fun.