Is Love All You Really Need?

Is Love All You Really Need

We are in a culture where love is considered the supreme, be-all and end-all, ultimate achievement that we can strive for in our lives. We romanticize the idea of love to such fantastical heights that we often lose sight of what being in love truly means in real life. We need to realize what love isn't, and be careful about having unrealistic expectations from ourselves and others. We should not expect love to fix all our problems in life.

John Lennon said "All you need is love." The Eagles said "When we're hungry, love will keep us alive." Savage Garden went so far as to say "I knew I loved you before I met you." Those are some strong words. Strong words that are, sadly, completely misguided and unrealistic.

As a culture, we've come to accept love as being almost deity-like. We tout it as the cure for all problems, the solution to all your troubles, the only thing you should ever hope to achieve in life. When we take these ridiculous expectations into our relationships, we are often disillusioned. We blame our partners for not being good enough or not loving us enough. We blame the universe for not aligning the stars to send the perfect person into our lives. We blame each other for being shallow and egocentric and selfish. But we forget that love isn't the ultimate solution. Being in love is great, but it's not the only thing you need in life.

Let's look at a few things that we overlook about love and being in love.

1. Being in love and being compatible with each other are two completely different things.

Read that sentence again. If it confuses you, it probably means that like the rest of us, you've come to believe those two things as interchangeable. Thousands of romance novels and movies have convinced us that against all odds, love will find a way. But reality doesn't support this statement. Being compatible with each other and being in love with each other are two scenarios that require a completely different set of criteria to exist.

We've all seen dozens of abusive relationships where people who are supposed to be in love constantly fight and even physically hurt each other. What is going on here? You could, at any given point in your life, fall in love with someone who has a worldview and a belief system that is completely in opposition to yours. You might want to travel, while they might want to put down roots and start a family. They might think being vegan is the path God wants you to walk, and you might think being vegan is a waste of time.

If you were to enter into a relationship with someone like this, how likely would it be to succeed even if you were totally in love?

When you are dissecting the relationship six months later after the inevitable disastrous breakup, you might be focusing on what you could've said and done differently. But this is a futile endeavor since the relationship was doomed to fail from the beginning.

When you want to date someone or enter into a committed relationship with them, you need to listen to your mind as well as your heart. You need to see if they are truly right for you and if being around them really makes you happy. If you're constantly at war, no love song can save your relationship.

2. Being in love doesn't automatically fix your issues.

Look, if you're someone who has a lot of emotional turmoil in their lives, or you date someone who does, you can't expect love to magically erase the slate. Guess what, if you are a jealous person by nature, you will remain a jealous person in your relationship. Ridding yourself of your emotional baggage is a process that is independent of love and dating. You need to work on your problems on your own. You can't just expect to meet a pretty girl, start dating her, and suddenly turn into Mr. Right overnight.

It's not the most obvious thing to consider, but even a bad relationship can be really addictive. You can get caught up in the roller-coaster of emotions, of constant fighting and making up, of hurling abuses at each other one day and then professing your undying love the next. A lot of people stay in bad relationships because they prefer it over feeling numb. Unless you are a stable person outside your relationship, you can't be a stable person in it.

3. It's not necessary to constantly sacrifice yourself in the name of love.

One of the more popularly touted characteristics of being in love is the willingness to sacrifice yourself. The ability to burn everything in your life at the altar of your relationship is hailed as noble and wonderful. While the fundamental thought of being able to think about another person's happiness above your own is great, it shouldn't be accepted at face value. We need to think outside ourselves, and most definitely, it is a big part of being in love. But let's dig a little deeper.

For example, you should always ask what it is you are sacrificing, and how important is it truly that you perform this sacrifice. If you are blindly forgoing your own ambitions, your self-esteem, your boundaries and your mission just because you want to stay with another person, it isn't exactly the most loving thing to do. Being in love doesn't mean accepting bad behavior or being infinitely tolerant. Engaging in this kind of 'sacrifice' all the time builds resentment, and that is the enemy of your relationship.

Think about it like this - if the person you are with wasn't your lover, but just a good friend, would you still accept this kind of behavior? More often than not, the answer is no. Considering this, if we want our lovers to also be our best friends, the same rules should apply to them. You don't need to tolerate abusive behavior from someone just because you are in a relationship with them.

Life is much, much larger than love. Before you think about falling in love, think about building a life that you love. Work on your self-esteem. Do things that you are passionate about. Climb a mountain, run a marathon, take a trip to a new city by yourself. Allow yourself to become a complete person before you buy into love as the Holy Grail. It isn't. Be with someone who falls in love with you for who you are and what you are doing with your life. Love is amazing, wonderful and truly beautiful. But life is about more than just love.

Would YOU like to publish an article on Connecting Singles?

Would YOU like to publish an article on Connecting Singles? Are you an expert at something, have an interesting story, or a good lesson to teach... why not share with other members. If you have experience or expertise in a topic that will be of interest to CS members, you may submit an article to be published on the site.
Post your own Article »

Attention: Report Abuse. If this article is inappropriate please report abuse.
We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience possible on our website. Read Our Privacy Policy Here