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The other side of Me
Most days I do well with the balance thing. The acceptance thing. The open up my heart and breath thing.
Other days i don't. I sit on my cushion and watch myself shake and tear at the pillars of my existence, Watch my inner elemental pound her fists and bang her head bloody on reality. Listen to her scream' this is SO NOT what I had planned for 2008!'
I hate that the inside of my mouth feels as though it is wearing one of those fuzzy white socks that comes in packs of six. Who the hell has six feet? Why would anyone want three identical pairs of socks? What fun is that?
Each week i download the new music for the station from our supplier. I listen to make sure it really fits our format. No sudden expletives or suicidal thoughts expressed in the third verse, second chorus. Most of it is just okay, but every now and then a rhythm pulls me to my feet. I dance, rejoice in lyrics that say more than shooby doo.
Today I almost fell AND IT REALLY PISSED ME OFF. I do not, and let me state it clearly so all the powers that be and every neuron hears, I do not accept a future where I do not dance. Where I sometimes shove the toothbrush in my eye if I forget and use the 'wrong' hand. Neither of my hands is a 'wrong' hand. One is just a tad misguided at the moment and we will fix that along with other things that just don't listen well anymore.
I will do what must be done, attempt patience, but I will not turn away from who I have been and let her disappear. I will not allow 'relax, I'll get it for you' while I can walk across a room. I will dance, not sit and tap timid toes on the sidelines.
I am a poet. I am a dancer. And right now I am angry.
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