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Ok!!!
I see that you do need some direction with you profile. I am going to be nice, by the way, and still be helpful. Hopefully! I think you should be more specific about ...every thing. Maybe start with how you spend your free time, the things you enjoy or how you would like to spend your time if there was someone to share it with.
When describing yourself (which you need to do more of) try to stay positive. Instead of” I don't bond to groups very well and tend to go my own way, so people call me introverted,” try to say the same thing with out using the words: don’t, not etc... Maybe say some thing like: shy, enjoys small quiet setting, the best way to get to know me is in one on one conversation.
Having a dry sense of humor is not a bad thing but that joke was. Oh yah by the way the word “molested” needs to go. It’s a bad visual. And, yes, you do need to use the “I’m looking for” section to describe what you are looking for. If you use phrases with the words: intelligent , life of the party , sporty, like minded, quiet, loves animals, …It helps the women that read your profile be able to see themselves with you. The key to all this is using ADJECTIVES.
Let me know when you change your profile I’d love to read it.
Best of lock
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Just offer $150 per night... That will keep you jumping! Or you can do like most other guys profiles I have seen..... Lie..... you live in a mansion, you can buy Bill Gates, you are 6'3" tall and have a 9 inch penis, you are looking to get married soon and would love to meet a woman that already has 4 children!!!!! By 13 different men! 
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