cinnamongyrl Blog Post: Sat Jan 10, 2009 4:59 PM CST

cinnamongyrl Agoura Hills, California USA
Posted:Sat Jan 10, 2009 4:59 PM CST

Overseas relationships do not work....

and neither do long distance relationships.

Actually, I don't find that people are really trustworthy these days. There are too many characters out there looking for the bigger better deal. Too many men (I've encountered) looking for the next notch on their belt or bed frame or whatever. But, once I ask my questions, I pretty much know what they want.

It's cool. If you're that type of person then more power to you. It's just not what I want. And, we all want what we want...yes?

But, if you think that overseas relationships and long distance relationships can work - haha, don't be surprised to hear that the person you're seeing is also seeing someone else or worse, many more others. These people know how many they can handle.

So there was this guy who contacted me, he said he read my profile and that he lived overseas. I think he said he lived in Germany, but said he was from South Africa or something like that. He travels for work. He complimented me on several of my pictures and said he would be coming to the states in 6 months and if I would like to meet him. "Why?” I thought, "If he read my profile, he would know what I wanted - and that it wasn't him. I wonder if he thinks he can sway my decision...let's see", I continue to think.

Of course - I run down my list of criteria and no, he's not what I want. So just to make sure, I ask him: How tall are you? 5'9" What is the most important thing to you in your life? "A woman, if I had one" he says. Then he continues down the list "...my job, my kids..." STOP! "Oh how many kids do you have?" I ask.
He says he doesn’t have any and wants kids. "Oh, really how many do you imagine having, IF you find the right woman of course?” I say.

He says, "I want two."

I then proceed to tell him I'm definitely not the woman for him. He wants kids and I would be a waste of time or a stepping stone to his next woman. And, Lord knows I don't want to be anyone’s stepping stone...I want to be the last woman to the man that matches me.

As I'm telling him this information, he asks me if I want to be friends with benefits. He asks me if I need any satisfaction. I ponder a bit...well I do have needs...but, I would rather have myself all stitched up down there than have someone I'm not attracted to and who's not a potential "forever" on top of me.

Wonderful! The truth comes out.

He tells me he can satisfy me in everyway.

I think, "Hahaha, nope, sorry you can't satisfy me in everyway. My gag reflexes would be set off or I'd need a blind fold..."

1. I don't find you attractive. 2. You're not husband material. 3. You want kids, which doesn't match me at all 4. You live overseas anyway...and that will never work out if I want to see you everyday. 5. You're too short for me 6. Did I mention I'm not attracted to you?

There's more to the list...but, why bother typing it all out.

I could add that he approached me exactly as I have stated everyone seems to approach me. With lies. He wanted to appear as though he would be interested in long term and really he just wanted a fling. The friends request was absolutely priceless!

How methodical. If he's capable of doing that...what else is he capable of?

One thing I do know...overseas doesn't work and liars don't work either. I do however, appreciate that the truth came out later. But, what I decided to do with it was my choice ultimately - I chose to walk away from it.

He's now on my blocked list. There's no sense of "that" resurfacing its ugly head. And, he's better off not hearing anymore rejections from me.

823 Views | 8 Comments



Comments

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voyager007 Khober Saudi Arabia
Sat Jan 10, 2009 6:12 PM CST
I truly agree with the title but not do much about the reasons listed. simply put; who is away from the eyes is away from the heart. So, distance do count, physical distance is somehow similar to the emotional distance. at least they should exist on the same soil to overcome the remaining obstacles to share a life and make a family together.
Profile Deleted
Sat Jan 10, 2009 8:30 PM CST
Strange wow DON'T we live in global village era? i know atleast a dozen people who found their matches in cyber world and now happily married.i had friend from phillipines found a guy on friendsfinder from newzealand and got married another one was from town who found a girl in india and got married was very controversial though:the guy was muslim the girl budhist this story can still be found on bbc.So the list is long i 'll stop here and go back to search for my soulmate.
qwiah shanghai, Shanghai China
Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:27 AM CST
sorry to say, maybe you can find one in your back yard and forget about this website. The good history of overseas relationship will always ranged.It is deeply rooted in the days that internet never existed. Post offices were always loaded with exchange of letters from pen-friends.
Is so regrettable today that untrusted people do exist every where and not that problem is overseas relationship.

Incoclusion, thanks for your topic and understand that in every relationship,there is few things we to promote and protect the relationship. In my case, I rather constant communication and tolerance not the distance or beauty that matters.
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Thrak Zwolle, Overijssel Netherlands
Sun Jan 11, 2009 7:44 AM CST
Ok one bad apple, but now you’re of the opinion all people from overseas are just the same. That seems to be a little disrespectful. Ok you were perhaps lightly bitten, but it’s no excuse to exclude the rest of the world. You will never know what your missing if you dont give things a chance.wine
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caribfun Port of Spain Trinidad and Tobago
Sun Jan 11, 2009 8:06 PM CST
I think after the first red flag you should have just ended contact. Long distance is only part of the introductory process. It works for some and not others.

I believe that when two persons are interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship that is long distance, there must be a decision by one or the other to choose within a "reasonable timeframe", when are you both going to be together. One party is going to have to make a big sacrifice. A "true relationship" requires the presence of both persons to spend time with each other physically, and decide on their future.

I respect you for your decision, this may not be for you. Sometimes people think after reading the needs in your profile that they can manipulate you into seeing things their way. Some are very experienced at this and sometime use their good looks as well.

Having said this I do know of many successful persons who were able to deal with the long distance and are happily married. A lady left Germany to marry a guy here in the Caribbean. A girl left the Caribbean to marry a guy in Australia. And many more. Personally I myself would be willing to make the sacrifice and travel to certain countries regularly, and live there if possible to be with someone who is serious about me. Just a few thoughts.
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Mystiflower mumbai India
Mon Jan 12, 2009 1:32 AM CST
so true and well said....teddybear
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Gowanheart GULFPORT, Mississippi USA
Mon Jan 12, 2009 9:54 PM CST
Agree....well said. I am not into flings, either. It's just not me. It can be difficult to sort through the contacts, but never give up! Dum spiro, spero!
palmtreesinoahu n.los angeles, California USA
Mon Jan 12, 2009 10:16 PM CST
YOU GO GIRL! BEEN THERE DONE THAT A FEW TIMES! this is so tru, you dont know how many else he may have in other states....i could rattle off a few expressions of bitterness, but i'm over it and have learned.frustrated mumbling applause
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cinnamongyrl Agoura Hills, California USA
Thu Feb 5, 2009 9:30 AM CST
That's okay, you don't have to agree. That's why it's my blog. It's funny what one person can understand from a blog.

The reasons are not reasons but, my opinion of the topic. I gave one example from several (as in 50x over 3 mos) replicated situations that happen to occur daily. I don't mind the interaction with others, I like it...I mind what they're really after. I mind "their intentions". If they just want sex, then say so. If they want a relationship, then say so. Anyone can lie or approach me with lies and this can be from overseas or my own backyard - I know this. I just prefer being honest and receiving it...and because I'm so picky I don't bother with a lot of people anyway. So being able to pick them apart and get the truth is priceless! I've already made my mind up after looking at a profile. One little thing off of my criteria and immediately it won't work for me. But, I like to toy with people that know they don't meet my criteria...it's fun. And, figuring out that they just wanted a meaningless relationship - well thats priceless too!

But, the fact is "TO ME", not being able to "see" someone everyday, in person, in physical form - touching and holding a hand or kissing them (if it gets to that point), isn't worth having a long distance or overseas relationship because physical interaction daily as in you live near someone can't happen unless they move here. The idea of starting off that way I don't mind, but, a love growing and becoming something, I don't think would work for me. I imagine: "I'm coming to see you, I'll be at the blah blah hotel. We can finally be together." She says "Oooh I can't wait to see you too." They have a great time and he leaves. She calls or emails, "When do I get to see you again?" he says "Not for a while maybe 4 months." The idea of all that talking and getting to know someone then immediately being physical isn't logical. I still don't know that person. I still don't know how they live or what they eat or how they eat or more. I need those little details. Maybe there's a reason people so many other people like it? Maybe they like the idea of not having someone around or them being that far away. Maybe there's excitement and anticipation in waiting for them at an airport?

But, I don't like that and this blog is about me. It's not an advertisement telling others not to have one. It's not a blog talking about one bad apple ruining it for me and that idea. I'm just putting a random thought out there, in an online journal because I like typing my writings. So long distance which is 25 miles away from me or overseas...no thank you! It's not for me.

Again...a straight opinion...in my blog. Thaz it.

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