Posted:Sat Mar 7, 2009 7:11 AM CST
This weak in Adelaide. Vol 1 Num 4
The Weak that was:
Remember, I warned you about reading this blog. I know you think you're old enough but this blog has been scientifically proven as an effective laxative. If you must read it, do it from a lap top in your bathroom.
THURSDAY 5th March: Finally got another ride in. Went on another quest to find some small furry toys for my lovely Chinese girls. A friend told me about a chemist shop that had lots. Has to be small and furry. Stainless steel bedpans aren't terribly romantic I suspect.
Disappointed I put the pedals down into the head wind again and headed off to Glenelg. I found a new way through to cross the Patawalonga lake and get round the other side. That meant I didn't have to dismount and walk Pussy across the weir.
Oh. I should explain. My bicycle got called "Pussy." I mentioned to a friend that I felt like I had 20 orgasms every time I got off it. My Friend Doktor Badger, noted how the seat had a rather sensuous slot down the centre and dubbed the bike "Pussy." Now everyone asks "How's Pussy?" All except for my Greek friend Peter. Who, when I told him I just spent another 250 dollars on pussy, he asked me if there was a new whore house he was previously unaware of.
Anyway, I went for a rather skillful cruise down Jetty street looking for a toy shop and avoiding getting my tires stuck in the tram lines. I didn't find one. Disappointed for a second time, I came back to the Pat and caught the tail wind home. I didn't get a furry toy but it was a good trip.
Before I got home, I had to stop at the local news agent's to do the X-Lotto for MOTHRA. "Who's MOTHRA?" I hear you ask. MOTHRA is the creature in my attic Prey you never meet. It will suck your brains out given half a chance. Not because it likes eating brains per se, but because it spends the majority of it's time watching nothing but channel nine. Thus it's own brain has long since atrophied. It figures that by eating your's it might just muster the brain power to lift the remote and change the channel. In practice however, the remote hasn't work ever since MOTHRA used it to stir a cup of tea. MOTHRA hasn't noticed yet however.
So while I was at the news agency, I asked Tracy if she, by chance had some little furry toy things. So she dug round and came up with two really cute teddy bears. But they were identical. Tracy had a cunning plan. The bears had little ribbons around their necks. So she dragged me next door to this shop called the Laurel Tree. I can't quite figure out what they do in that shop but they have lots of ribbons and things. So we bought some ribbon and the girl there tied it in a bow around the teddy bear's neck so that it looked different to the other one. "PERFECT!"
I put the bears in my top-pack and there they stayed.
Thursday night however, my Greek friends and I went to a Fringe Event. "Bad Film" presented by the weird and wonderful Jamie Leonarder. It was an hysterical mosaic of film, video and clips. Nearly lost remnants. Things that surely no sane person would have allowd made. Like the guy singing a kid's song explaining that the proper word for people's genitalia is "Penis" and "Vulva" And he did it with a straight face. When he got to "Anus." We completely lost it.
This was followed by a Turkish film. "Spiderman Vs Captain America." Apparently in the 60s and 70s, the Turks use to just rip off and re-appropriate American superheros in film versions. In this case, Spiderman is actually a mafia-esk, villan who rapes and pillages and murders women. The head of the infamous "Spider Gang." Who is only thwarted by the efforts of "Captain America." Who, for some reason works for the Turkish Police. Obviously he was on an exchange program while Captain Turkey was helping the NYPD.
Then after cornering Jamie Leonarder himself outside the cinema and having a hell of a laugh, the 10 of us ended up back at Marcelinas for Pizza and a drink. I love my Greek Friends. They know how to woop it up.