Posted:Sat Mar 14, 2009 12:53 AM CST
to any of you feeling discouraged by love.
My last blog on this site was a poem I wrote about a heartbreak.
This one is the opposite.
I met Luke on a dating site.
The same boy I posted that blog about is now the one person I want to be with forever.
He didn't hurt me. I got scared, because he lives two hours away, and every time I was supposed to see him, something came up and it didn't happen. So I ran away...
I couldn't stay away for long. A few weeks later, that same boy finally worked up the guts to tell me how he feels about me.
And he was afraid as well, that I wouldn't feel the same.
He told me he loves me.
It's been a month Thursday that he told me that.
Since then, we've met.
I fell for him all over again.
We went camping at the lake.
We spent the day sitting and talking, making cheap shots at each other. It was perfect.
When it got dark it started to get cold, so we went to the van. Luke and I slept in a van, in a bed. "Slept". And no nothing like THAT happened. We laid together, in each others' arms, looking out the window behind us at the stars and the moon....talking, making plans, talking about how perfect this was...kissing until my lips were raw...what felt like an hour was actually seven.
The next day when I had to say goodbye I got in the car and thought I left something in the van, but I knew I didn't...
I ran back and opened the door and there he was, and he looks at me like he knew I was going to come back the whole time...and I said "you knew I was coming back" and he just said yep, sat up, grabbed me and kissed and hugged me...and I cried on his shoulder...my sister honked the horn telling me to hurry, and I just looked at him...and he said "i love you...always will."
That was the best two days of my life. Being with him, knowing how incredible it is to be with someone you love. And I knew, the first time we looked into each others eyes. This is so corny, but it's all so true...it's like, some sort of fucked up fairy tale...
I was so sure I'd never find someone, and I not only found someone, I found the one person I've always wanted...the one God created for me. The one that makes all of the pain go away. The one that makes everything worth the fight...everything makes sense now. All the times I hurt and knew everything happens for a reason but couldn't possibly think of a reason for me to hurt this bad...there's a reason I survived it all...and it all comes down to this. Somebody I couldn't possibly see myself living without. Somebody I can give everything to and get the exact same in return...
If I've ever been sure of anything in my life, I know I'm sure of at least one thing.
I love you. With every ounce of everything I have to give, I love you, and I will never stop...not even in death. When God comes back for us, I'll be there holding your hand. And if I go first, I'll be waiting at the gates.
I found my reason to live, and I hope everyone on this site finds what I have right now.
I won't be on this site anymore, not much of a reason to be on here. But to anyone who reads this...don't give up. That person is out there. The meaning of love might be so ultimately distorted by the times, but it does exist...and if you have the privilege of knowing what it really feels like, you'll never want to let it go...
Because days come and go, but my feelings for you are forever.