Posted:Thu Jul 9, 2009 9:28 PM CST
The Adventures of the Gilded Belt…..
Finally, a title that isn’t stolen from a song! I’m breaking outta my comfort zone here, gonna start doing all kinds of crazy shit now. I’m gonna bust this story wide open!
This is a lament, to something I purchased for 15euro when I was 16 years old. I am now 22.
It is lost, due to the fact that it started to gain some unappealing characteristics in its old age.
I knew when I started to get serious cuts on my fingers off the metal embeds that used to hold metallic beads, that it was time for the Gilded Belt to go to it’s rightful resting place.
It will be hung from the end of my bed.
Now, any normal rational person would say, it’s a 6 year old belt, throw the raggedy thing out.
But you see, this belt has a story to tell. It has been many places, most good but a few bad.
I can safely say that I’ve been wearing it pretty much non stop since the day I bought it.
There are wear marks on the belt when I used to be fatter, others show significant weight loss. It isn’t the most tasteful thing I’ve ever owned. I will have to take a pic to show it isn’t as gormless as I describe. It had a lil glitter, a lil something that made me love it and wear it like a badge of honour on all my journeys.
It has been unfastened by a couple of dubious characters of the male variety. Often in a hurry, they too met the sharpened teeth of a cheap belt, with too many attachments. Uttering in sheer disgust, “Fuck Hess, why do you wear that thing, it’s dangerous! What bout tetanus?” Still even though the men protested too much, I could not bear to part with it.
One incredibly drunken Tequila fueled night, it served as a harness as my legs gave way and my best friend, caught onto the back of it, hoisting me up.
It is also a signal to my family. If left hanging off some radiator, if anyone asks is Hess home…… “Ah her belts there, she’s not gone far.”
It was used one night, to give an evil prowling stray cat a slap. I love all animals but it was attacking my kitten, Foxy Baby. Yes, I know it’s a pimps name but Foxy Baby is fair bitchin’.
So to the Gilded Belt, I bid you adieu. Your journey has been long, drunken, tempestuous. I got all the use I possibly could out of you. You must come to your final resting place. Know that you were loved, even so much that there was blood shed, as to not give you up.
When I have children, which of course will be evil, I shall use you as a threat. An idle one but nonetheless effective. I’ll tell them that it was a belt belonging to a mischievous Princess who yielded it come rain, hail or snow. It was a mark of who she was, a symbol of her first ever Summer job, working in a magical kiosk that sold cigarettes and newspapers.
The Gilded Belt, I drink my apple cider and make a toast, to a faithful companion that held up jeans that were much too low slung for most of my adolescence and beginning of my 20 something years.
Thank you, friend.
May you rest in peace.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2d2llB4oIQ