Alternative New Year Resolutions

Why bother with the normal crap you think of...

1. Dont go on a diet, eat lots of greasy unhealthy food, eat cake instead of bread.

2. Dont give up smoking, smoke more, try cigars or a pipe.

3. Dont bother being charitable, keep your hard earned money.

4. Dont exercise, use the new equipment to hang your clothing on.

5. You wont go to hell if you dont eat fish on Fridays, so eat it when you like or just dont eat fish.

6 Drink a lot of alcohol, enjoy it, hangovers are fun and an excuse to eat fried food.

7. Take up all offers of sex from strangers, accept with grace and STD's are curable.

8. If you think you are another gender, man or woman up and dont be a sissy.

9. Log out of this Cult each day, dont live here it will hurt your brain.

10. Take a google IQ test and become a smug genius, dont assume you are.

More bullshit by map
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Comments (28)

Yeah, I'm waiting for a flood of fishy emails now
Molly, You have baited your hook, the fish will come
DC, She would call you "cupcake", surely worth it?
Molly, "opening hours" should be posted outside and when busy a "Meeting in Progress" sign should be displayed or just ask the boss to join in if he/she is that way inclined if not a voucher for a free pickled tripe lunch would suffice.
Well Map, I am just being practical really


I don't see any good reason to take a precious half a day off work if it isn't going to last the full afternoon

It would be more productive to do it in the office
Nah, I want them for one thing, and one thing only
Understandable, The Health and Safety at work act does mention the hazards of a permanent wide on in the workplace so it would ensure compliance with the law.
Howzit Luke, As a member of the human race its your right.cheers
Mine are

Do not worry if i move 3 or 4 times in 1 year

Keep eating fish and chips on a Fri or Sat night.

Drink 2 bottles of beer instead of 1 glass (real ale) that isbeer

Accept a date meaning good intentionswink

Hug more trees in 2017

The list goes on but afraid animals not included human or otherwiserolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Hi Red, all good resolutions, Fish suppers are fun though.
That they are map and tonight is Friday night yay yay beer
Hello Map
Well I have a lot of guests coming from Madeira and Australia and this will be the menue.
The Mopane Worm, also known as Imbrassia belina, and is fried until crisp(very fatty) it’s a staple food for many people in Africa. These little worms can grow quite large given a chance, which they rarely are nowadays.
If you’re grossed out by Mompane worms, you probably won’t like this little beetle one bit. Served chiefly along the West Coast of Africa, this dark-coloured bug is eaten dry as a crunchy snack. The bugs are caught and have their innards squeezed out before being baked or fried until they are crispy.And the final sheeps head with slap chips, washed down with a glass of hot blood.ENJOYblushing
Just pity I could not joinall of them teddybear teddybear teddybear
Nah, not too worried about it.
Hi Stranger!, Thats the best Ive heard so far, it should be done more often and I will do it too
Cal brought to my attention that I have been away too long. I am trying to come up with something fun for a Saturday blog. After reading the blogs last night, it is my sincere opinion that Itchy and her dissatisfaction with the community has taken up too much space. grin grin Time for some laughs!
Welcome back Gypsy lady. head banger
Thanks, Daniela!! kiss kiss
Don't fall in love with anyone who treats you like you're ordinary. professor
Good one Biff!
Hello Mapmaker, wave My new years resolution this years , is to stop listening to peoples resolutions,doh
Most of them don t go anywhere ,more than something to talk about.doh After awhile a person gets tired of listening to nonsense,rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing and yes I m turning into a miserable old man.rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
1to1 - more of a cynic, really. Which sounds nicer than a miserable old man laugh
I couldn't have much less moping
Well, wish for more too so devil
No problemo banana
Good one Mr. Mapmaker,

Besides increasing my Kegels routine I haven´t think about New Year resolutions yet, I´ll take your blog as a reminder and definitely I´ll make mine one of yours: log out of this cult.

Hurting my brain could be the worst thing ever happen to me.
Molly.. you don't have many days left in 2016 laugh I'm sure you meant to say 2017... let me know if I can help with that.. grin

As for me.. I never wait for the year to end to make resolutions.. if I feel something needs to change I start then and there..
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Mapmaker

Mapmaker

Inland near Jaen, Andalusia, Spain

Can we be truly honest in self-description? This is my attempt. And to ensure it has some degree of truth, I’ve asked a female friend to give her opinion also. So here goes :

ME:
I’m not rich or very good looking; I’m overweight but working on th [read more]

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created Dec 2016
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