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The most important thing a woman seems to forget it:
The way to a mans heart is through his stomach, but jumping down his throat isn't a short cut




It's not difficult to make a woman happy.: click here to read the entire thread »

WOW my exwife really does get around (not that it should come to much of a surprise)



The Devils Own: click here to read the entire thread »

Where she spits, grass don't grow


The Devils Own: click here to read the entire thread »

True, but as always, he was the good son, unlike that miserable wench of a sister of his



The Devils Own: click here to read the entire thread »

Before I got divorced, my wife and I went to church regularly, but one Sunday she was to sick to attend, so I went on without her.
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty -- except for myself and I sat calmly in my pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Gods ultimate enemy was in my presence.
So Satan walked up to me and said, "Do you know who I am?"
To which I replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Arent you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure aint," I said.
"Dont you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Dont doubt it for a minute," I said in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was my calm reply.
"And youre still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," I insisted.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why arent you afraid of me, then!?"
To which I calmy replied,
"I'm married to your sister, think about it."





The Devils Own: click here to read the entire thread »

I'm sorry I lost everything except, did you say you reciprocate ?
(hmmm now that has possibilities )


It's not difficult to make a woman happy.: click here to read the entire thread »

Skinny little white Newfie goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Newfie staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Newfie faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch dick, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Newfie says:

Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jazus, I tought you said, 'Turn around!





The Misunderstood Newfie: click here to read the entire thread »

I completely agree with you, so I'll grin..if you bare it



It's not difficult to make a woman happy.: click here to read the entire thread »

You're a scream Kim, I oughta know, I look at your picture, and scream

Thanks for the jokes, kid, you're a hoot


Politics: click here to read the entire thread »

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called, "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.


Hey Kim, how long can you tread water ?



Lesson in Stress Management: click here to read the entire thread »

Thank you ladies, I hope you have a great weekend, and yes Kim, naturally I'm doing the cooking


Politics: click here to read the entire thread »

Thank you.. I liked it when I first read it


Politics: click here to read the entire thread »

Young Steven Harper lived in Calgary and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.


The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up saying, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.'

Steven replied,’ Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Steven said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with a dead donkey?

Steven said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, you can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Steven said, 'Sure I can, I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Steven and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Steven said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 each and I made a profit of $898.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Steven said, 'Just the guy who won, so I gave him his $2 back.'

Steven is now the Prime Minister of Canada


Politics: click here to read the entire thread »

A man only needs to be:


1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked

2. Bring booze





It's not difficult to make a woman happy.: click here to read the entire thread »

Never have, never will..I'm too young to change LOL



A couple more silly ones, and 2 for Jen (aka curlyworlf): click here to read the entire thread »

How many Canadiens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, and a bottle of whiskey (has to wait for the room to spin...).
Or

How many Canadians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, and a 24-pack of beer. (Once the room starts to spin...)
or

Just give the light bulb to Kim, she's always spinny



Hey Kim..How many Canadians does it take....: click here to read the entire thread »

Hey Kim .....


A couple more silly ones, and 2 for Jen (aka curlyworlf): click here to read the entire thread »

and there's no "butts" about it



were you stupid enough to send MONEY???: click here to read the entire thread »

I have all of my money tied up into astronomy, and once we've figured out how to place another moon in orbit I'll stand on the nearest street corner and hand out whatever money I have left, and all you have to do to get it is, point up, and show me there really is two moons in the sky


were you stupid enough to send MONEY???: click here to read the entire thread »