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Greetings to you. Welcome to CS and the Forums.


Now that I've showered, I can introduce myself...: click here to read the entire thread »

Hi Madottati, nice to meet you. Your off to a good start by posting a thread. I have met alot of very freindly people here. Relax and enjoy the ride. Good luck with the move.


So wants to talk? : click here to read the entire thread »

I don't think so. I was raised in an Irish Catholic family. Lived our childhood years according to the Good Book. As an adult I have stepped away from that and just become more spiritual. As an adult you are entiled to have your own feelings and beliefs. What ever makes your spirit and soul feel at peace is what matters. Not what others think you should do and believe.


should it be held against them: click here to read the entire thread »

My kids gave the name. I love Dragons (have about 150 statues in the den and two Dragon Tats)


curiousity: click here to read the entire thread »

1- First, pick the number of times a week you would like to
have sex ( more than once less than ten ).


2- Multiply that number by two(2).

3- Add five(5).

4- Multiply by fifty(50).

5- If you have already had your B-Day this year add 1756
if you haven't add 1755.

6- Now subract the year you were born (ex 1964)
You should have a three digit number.



* The first number was the original number
( The number of times you wanted sex )

The next two are your age.


This is the only year this will work (2006).


Your Age By sex Years: click here to read the entire thread »

Hey, and welcome. Relax and have fun.


Hey every one: click here to read the entire thread »

Thanks Crystal! It's always nice to be appreciated for a tough job. Just try to relax and take it easy. As a mother of four kids I know there is never enough time in the day to do it all.


Flowers to all you parents!: click here to read the entire thread »

I don't know whether taking the CD player was such a good idea. Nothing against your family but respect and responsibility is taught at home. Your sister should have made your nephew pay you back in a timely manner. You didn't keep him waiting to recieve the $ you should not have to wait to be paid back. I understand that most teens don't make alot of money but even if he gave you $5.00 a week until it's paid back.It would show good faith and responsibility. Good luck with settling this family dispute.


teachin nephew lesson: click here to read the entire thread »

Think before responding!!! Would you be intereested in a dating relationship with someone who wasn't a head turner? Do you base your reactions on looks first and second the personality. Would you give them a real honest chance and get to know them or blow them off because they didn't meet with your idea of what attractive is. Think of it this way. What if you were to open a beautifully wrapped present with all the ribbons and bows only to be disappointed with the empty contents of the box or open a plain brown bag and find inside the contents to be filled with everything you had ever hoped and dreamed of having inside.You never will know what you find unless you open all gifts you recieve.


Pretty Package or Plain Brown Bag Whats your pick ?: click here to read the entire thread »

There is no-way to please everyone all the time. I wiil be totally honest with everybody reguarding all situations. You don't have to be brutal with the truth just tell it like it is. As far as opinions go, they are like -ssholes, everybody has one!!


Should you tell it like it is or tread on eggshells?: click here to read the entire thread »

No offence meant but, maybe just maybe your ego is alittle to big. Not all flowers or contacts are interested in a relationship with you other than a friendship. Some people are just trying to meet new and interesting people. If you are so offended about people "hitting" on you, you should change your name from designingwoman looking for "marriage minded only" I am not saying that you are not entiled to your own opinion about what you want in life.( After all opinions are like belly buttons everybody has one!!!)Just don't be mean or jump to the wrong conclusions.


What's up with this????: click here to read the entire thread »

Well, I'm probably older than most of you. I agree that a physical attraction is important but only to a degree. I have had instant "mutual attractions" only to find that there was nothing else. That's why I will never judge a man based on looks. Think of it this way, Would you have a beautifully wrapped present with all the ribbons and bows and open it only to be diappointed at the contents, or would you rather open a plain brown bag and find everything you had ever hoped and dreamed of inside? For me I'll take the brown bag every time!!!!


what is the most important attribute to you in your relationship..: click here to read the entire thread »

1- Honesty
2- Trust
2- Communication
3- Compromise
4- Respect
5- Laughter


what is the most important attribute to you in your relationship..: click here to read the entire thread »

I think for the most part people without children are very selfish. i also don't think they are intentionallly. Patients is something that is learned. Once you have a child of your own you learn patients and understanding. You don't come first anymore, your kids do (or ateaast they should).MY ex-boyfriend broke up with me because I couldn't keep a date we had because my son was sick with the flu. He had no children of his own. Three days later he called back to ask me out again. His ass got kicked to the curb with the rest of the trash.


what do single people think of single parents with children.: click here to read the entire thread »

Good One LMAO


older but still funny: click here to read the entire thread »

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY

LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT
MORNING.

I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY,
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME.

AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL REMEMBER.

MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD.

SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT
DESPONDENT.

AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY, JANE SAID, "GOOD MORNING, BOSS,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD
REMEMBERED.

I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, "YOU
KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO
OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."

I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST TH ING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY. LET'S
GO!"

WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE DINED
INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND
I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY.

ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL
DAY... WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?"

I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?"

SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT."

AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "BOSS, IF YOU
DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT. I'LL BE RIGHT
BACK."

"OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.

SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES; SHE CAME OUT
CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE...
FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL
SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY".

AND I JUST SAT THERE...

ON THE COUCH...

NAKED


Getting Fired: click here to read the entire thread »

> Some are older but these are cute!
> >
> >
> > Number 1
> > A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he
> > does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both
> > quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am,
> > if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
> > forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard
> > as your elbow, I'm in room 221.
> >
> > Number 2
> > One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband
> > starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and
> > says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologis t
> > appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The
> > husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he
> > rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have
> > a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
> >
> > Number 3
> > Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed
> > there for a number of years when he came home one day
> > to confess to his wife that he had a terrible
> > compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
> > pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see
> > a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he
> > would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
> > compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill
> > came home and his wife could see at once that
> > something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?"
> > she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I
> > had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the
> > pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't!" she
> > exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God,
> > Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I
> > mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"=20
> > "Oh...she got fired too."
> >
> > Number 4
> > A couple had been married for 50 years. They were
> > sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the
> > wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were
> > sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I
> > know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting
> > here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago." "Well,"
> > Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times."=20
> > Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down
> > at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady
> > breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot f or you
> > today as they were fifty years ago." I wouldn't be
> > surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee
> > and the other is in your oatmeal."
> >



older but still funny: click here to read the entire thread »

A farm woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After a lengthy check-up,the doctor took the wife aside and told her, " If you don't do the following exactly as I tell you, your husband will lose his will to live and will surely die".

Each morning, I want you to fix him a hearty breakfast of bacon and eggs and fresh baked muffins before he does the 5 o'clock milking.

At lunch, make him a warm, nutritious meal with home-made pie for dessert. And make sure the hammock is set up under the shade tree so he can rest before he goes back into the field

Serve him supper with a smile, no matter what time of day or night he gets in from chores. And don't burden him with household concerns while he's eating.

After supper, ease him into his favorite chair, and give him a beer and the TV remote control so he can watch the game.

You musy continue to do all these things everyday without fail or your husband will die.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife " what the doctor had to say about his condition, She replied, The doctor said " your gonna die "!





Different Diagnosis: click here to read the entire thread »

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. A man called his Sex. He is a great pal,but he has caused him a great deal of embarrassment. When he went to City Hall to renew his license, he told the clerk "I would like a license for Sex". The clerk said "I'd like one too!".Then he said, " But this is for a dog".He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then he said you don't understand. I have had Sex since I was 9 years old.He winked and said, " you must have been quite a kid ". When he got married and we went on my honerymoon, I took the dog with me. Told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. Clerk said you don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill,we don't care what you do. He said, Look you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake all night. The clerk said Funny I have the same problem. One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before it started Sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold tickets. But you don't understand. He said I had hoped to have Sex on TV. The contestant said, now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal anymore. When his wife and him seperated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. He said your Honor,I had Sex before I was married ". The judge said, this is a courtroom. Stick to the case please. Then the man told the Judge , After I was married Sex left me. The Judge said, Well that's not unusual". It happens to alot of people. Last night Sex ran off again. He spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to him and asked What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him Looking for Sex. His court date is Friday!!


A Dog Named Sex: click here to read the entire thread »

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays, hidden inside chocolates, as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the
front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting
ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's
debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is
completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the
proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products,
aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity 2. British Constitution 3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer.
Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing


alcohol: click here to read the entire thread »