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Now I understand EVERYTHING.....


On the first day, God created the dog and said: : click here to read the entire thread »

1. No one to roll into, in the middle of the night

2. No one to cook for

3. No one to share the happy times with

4. No one to wipe away the tears on a bad day

5. No one to cuddle with



What are the five worst things about being single?: click here to read the entire thread »

THE YEAR ' S BEST (actual) HEADLINES

"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"

No, really?


"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"
Now that ' s taking things a bit far!


"Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over"

What a guy!


"Miners Refuse to Work after Death"

Those good-for-nothing ' lazy so-and-sos!


"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"

See if that works any better than a fair trial!


" War Dims Hope for Peace"
I can see where it might have that effect!


" If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile"

Ya think?!


"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"

Who would have thought!


" EnfieldCouple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"

They may be on to something!


" Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"

You mean there ' s something stronger than duct tape?!


" Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge"

He probably IS the battery charge!


" New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group"

Weren ' t they fat enough?!


" Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft"

That ' s what he gets for eating those beans!


" Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"

Do they taste like chicken?


" Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!


" Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"

Boy, are they tall!


And the winner is....

"Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead"

Did I read that right?




A few Laughs for a Blah Monday: click here to read the entire thread »

Here's a few more....
Speeding in Ohio :
1) Good:
A Fremont , OH policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem. A twelve-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign, which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" . . . and a bucket full of money. (And we kids used to just sell lemonade!)
2) Better:
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Canton , OH . A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
3) Absolute Best:
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Ohio State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball." He replied " Ohio State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.......



A few Laughs for a Blah Monday: click here to read the entire thread »

Golfing On a Windy Day

The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivees?' Ole demanded.

'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.'

The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.

'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'

She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'

Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?'

She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit.




A few Laughs for a Blah Monday: click here to read the entire thread »

OH MY GOD!!!!
Its funny and even funnier...its true!


Funny: click here to read the entire thread »

Id bring it to the police. A million dollars..hummm...yep bring it to the police. I'd be too nervous having that kind of cash around. I'd always wonder...what if it was a ransom and someone...well you know...


HOW HONEST ARE YOU ..IF YOU FOUND $1MILLION DOLLARS IN A BREIFCASE LEFTED IN A PUBLIC .....: click here to read the entire thread »

OK, I couldnt sleep for weeks or look at a drain after watching Stephen Kings "IT"...think I'll be visiting the King from now on...eww Ronald how you have let yourself go!!


This what too many McDonald's burgers will do to you: click here to read the entire thread »

boxed...in...too much snow


I'm kinda feeling. . . . . . . . . .finish this sentence: click here to read the entire thread »

Sounds like a psychology course question. I believe in the theory that we are born with a clean slate...so its how you are raised, your peers and your culture that have an influence on how you turn out...


Nature vs. Nurture: click here to read the entire thread »

So much pain all around. But you have come here for advice and thats what I offer.
1. This is between you and your mother in law. It's not about how your ex will see this, you attending the funeral. Or her abusive husband or the rest of the family that chose to turn away and pretend this family was healthy. This is between you and the grandmother of your children. Woman to woman, mother to mother.
2. If you feel you really must attend her services, ask yourself. Why am I doing this? Am i doing it out of respect for her or am I doing it to show the rest of the family that I heard of her demise and Im pissed off at the way I found out.
3. Be discreet. Remember this is in respect to her. You can call the funeral home, explain the situation. You dont have to go into details. Tell them that you are her ex- daughter in law and because of family differences you would rather not be with the family but would like the opportunity to pay your respects. They may be able to arrange for you to go in either before the family gets ther or after they leave.
4. If she has a church service, sit in the back of the church, you can bring your children to this. Explain to them that this is for their grandmother to pay respect to her. Wait for everyone to leave the church before you leave,then leave.
5. Put as much distance as you can between you and the rest of your ex's disfunctional family.
Remember you have children to think about, if you want to break the circle of abuse, it starts now...
Good luck to you and the children



Feeling bad and confused: click here to read the entire thread »

Hey Fire! Just know that there are alot of people not only on here but everywhere around you that are grateful for all that you do! Not only as a Guardsman protecting our rights as citizens, but as a firefighter and paramedic taking care of the citizens of Colorado. So THANK YOU!!!!
And be careful out there!


A prayer please: click here to read the entire thread »

Aint it the truth....


attitude adjustment: click here to read the entire thread »

Why stop at your age Ship? the only time you should stop looking is when you are gone to the great beyond and who knows even then there may be a "soul" mate for you! Don't every give up on finding true love!


Why do some profiles say "not looking", or "looking for friends only"?: click here to read the entire thread »

You werent the problem...HE was...he was a scared little idiot! Some of the guys on here are just asses. The women on here, for the most part as far as I can tell are good honest women just looking for someone to share their love and lifes with and those loser bastards tromp all over it like there isnt any feelings at all connected with it...jerks..absolute jerks...ok...I've vented...for you and me...keep your chin up...remember you are important! And like someone else said...who know's he may have been a jack the ripper on the loose...and you may have just been saved.


It's Over: click here to read the entire thread »

As Richard Simmons said
What are the first three letters of "diet"
D
I
E


Now really is that what you are trying to do??? Make sense to me!
And besides Mama always told me to finish what was on my plate...and NO ONE I mean NO ONE argued with MAMA!


Diet Excuses: click here to read the entire thread »

I think I would like to come back as a man. So I can teach all men how to treat women with respect and kindness


Reincarnation: click here to read the entire thread »

Thats the best fairy tale I ever heard...tell me more! PLEASE


World's Shortest Fairytale: click here to read the entire thread »

So now that you have gotten plastered...is the problem gone or still there and now you have a headache...:-)
Today, or tomorrow is a new day...leave the baggage at the door :-)
Have a good one DKnew




OK WHO : click here to read the entire thread »

Now that is funny! hehehehehee


Little Johnny 2: click here to read the entire thread »