Connecting Singles^® Forums 100% Free Online Dating

Even if you’re not old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, you’re probably aware of their timeless “Who’s on First?” baseball sketch. But imagine what that same skit would be like in the 21st century?



Legendary comedy duo Abbott and Costello
Thanks to my mom Honey (yes, that’s her name!) for sending me this amusing email forward — based on the classic Who’s on First? skit. If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today…it might sound something like this…

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don’t know.. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.

COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’………….


If Abbott & Costello Were Alive Today: click here to read the entire thread »

Feeling unappreciated lately?














Things Got Ya Down? Well Then, Consider These ...
In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts were assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the clock struck 11:00 am, Kenneth Roberts, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

Betty came home to find Jerry in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No?

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
God is Good!

There now, feeling better, are we?


Feeling unappreciated lately?: click here to read the entire thread »

His dizzy aunt ----------Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes----- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ----------- Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----- U Gogh
His magician uncle ------ Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ------------ A Mee Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach.......Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ------ Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt .....Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle ------------ Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin ----------- Man Gogh
A sister who loved disco.......Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV.... Winnie Bay Gogh

I saw you smiling . . . . . . there ya Gogh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh:: click here to read the entire thread »

This is one of my favourite shows and I have to admit I had some tears during and after this performance.

laff


Witnessed the most beautiful performance ....: click here to read the entire thread »

with a wooden stake.


The Quickest way to mans heart?: click here to read the entire thread »

Hope your time here is fun. Should be with all these nutbars around. lol


New from the states!!: click here to read the entire thread »

Check this out

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1137883380?bctid=17075685001


Brilliant: click here to read the entire thread »

There are some of us out there that are looking for men in the 40 age range. However if you are looking for girls in their 20's they may not be.


Men my age suck!: click here to read the entire thread »

Happy Birthday USA


the 1st and the 4th: click here to read the entire thread »

Well I wish I could vote for 2 of the choices, I believe it is a cry for help but also if someone is teminally ill and in unbearable pain pain I think they should have the right to commit suicide.


SUICIDE - which choice most accurately reflects your opinion?: click here to read the entire thread »

Why? Because I said so

rotate your right foot clockwise, now while you are doing this write the number 6 with your right index finger. See what happens.




Try This: click here to read the entire thread »

1. You cannot touch all of your top teeth with your tongue.








2. All idiots, while reading the First Truth, will try it.






3. And they will discover that the First Truth is a lie.






4. You're smiling now because you're one of those idiots.







5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.







6. And there will still be a stupid smile on your face while you're doing it.



I do not apologize about this and I do not feel sorry about sending it to you.
I'm an idiot too and I just needed company!!


Six Truths of Life: click here to read the entire thread »

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.The woman says, 'So, you're a man.
That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days'.
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police....'

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil ****es.. Don't mess with us.


A woman and a man...: click here to read the entire thread »

zsa zsa gabor gabour?


Celebrity Name Game!: click here to read the entire thread »

zsa zsa gabor gabour?


Celebrity Name Game!: click here to read the entire thread »

Hmmm... you look a little bit familiar


Canada: click here to read the entire thread »

Be yourself. Don't be afraid to contact women here. You can usually ( not always) tell if someone is a scammer.

Join a club outside of the computer that interests you, maybe cooking or hiking etc.


You will find most people here friendly and are always willing to help out.



Enjoy your time here.


real people: click here to read the entire thread »

Subject:
1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

'Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there' 'Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but live for today'. Now smile and send to any girl wasting time at work, suffering from a hangover, or just suffering from life , that might need a reason to smile!


Words for Women to Live By :): click here to read the entire thread »

I'm a player;

I play board games, I play card games, I play in the water, and I used to play volleyball

sorry, couldn't resist


what is a player: click here to read the entire thread »