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Thanks for all your well wishes, you are all so sweet (well most of you anyway....haha!!)




Hi to all!: click here to read the entire thread »

Hi there, just to inform you all that i am taking a break if you havent already realised as me and KT have moved in together and we are just settling in together.

Take care to all my dear friends!



P.S. i sometimes have a quick glance at the threads to see how everyone is and to catch up on any news.




Hi to all!: click here to read the entire thread »

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.

Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers.

She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"




Not so short though.



Voted best Scottish short joke...............: click here to read the entire thread »

Dont let these kind of women get to you Elley...they are not worthy of YOUR time.


Why oh why oh why....: click here to read the entire thread »

hes happy as he has a big head....most women like men with big heads.


He Ought To Let Me In On The Joke!: click here to read the entire thread »

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,
'Jesus is watching you.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze!

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear
as a bell he heard,
'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the
source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight
beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep,' the parrot confessed, and then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn
you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed.
'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'



Sweet innocent jokes only please!: click here to read the entire thread »

Nice to see you back Brunette

In reply to Rusty why is it hard without a man.......for her emotional needs she has her daughter and other family members and as for physical needs well Im sure a vibrator would do the trick.


Catching up :-): click here to read the entire thread »

I hope you wipe the keys clean afterwards otherwise whoever uses the computer after you their fingers will stick to them.


Interesting Facts.: click here to read the entire thread »

Yes and probably two soft boiled eggs too. But lay off the cheese sauce....


International Women's Day: click here to read the entire thread »

Believe me K/T didnt need that much stomping on, although not like the kinkyMaiden means as i think he would find it rather painful.


Apples and Wine: click here to read the entire thread »

to all the wonderful people on CS Forums I thank you all for keeping me occupied enough to keep me on the forums to meet my KT. I think you are all great and lots of fun.

So a bunch for all of you...male or female.




Lets all say something nice to someone ... and NAME them?: click here to read the entire thread »

Mother inlaw

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab . "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car...



Mother In-Law: click here to read the entire thread »

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men... Men are like a fine wine They begin as grapes, and
it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn
into something acceptable to have dinner with.



Apples and Wine: click here to read the entire thread »

Lucky Drink

A man wakes up with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open
his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
and a glass of water on the side table. He sees his clothing
in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the
room and sees it is in perfect order. So's the rest of the
house. He takes his aspirins and notices a note on the table:

Honey,
Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
I Love you.

He goes to the kitchen. Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper await him. His son is also at the table,
eating. The man asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and
delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway,
and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door."

Confused, the man asks, "So why is everything in order and
so clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,

"LADY, GET YOUR DAMNED HANDS OFF OF ME! I'M MARRIED!"




More men should be like this.: click here to read the entire thread »

INTERESTING FACTS

1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it)


2. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it)


3. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

(In my next life I want to be a pig)

(How'd they figure this out, and why?)


4. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Don't try this at home...maybe at work?)


5. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)


6. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmmmmm........)


7. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

(If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?)


8. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of...?)

(Did taxpayers pay for this research??)


9. Polar bears are left handed.

(Who knew....? Who cares? How'd they find out, did they ask them?)


10. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)


11. The flea can jump 350 times its body length.

It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.


12. A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.

(Creepy)


13. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What the....)


14. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(In my next life I still want to be a pig ... quality over quantity)


15. Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Oh, Geez) (That's almost as bad as catfish)


16. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

(I know some people like that.)


17. Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that too.)



Interesting Facts.: click here to read the entire thread »

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...?


Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly;
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls.'

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This one had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!









Foot in mouth Disease!!!: click here to read the entire thread »

Sorry folks can't make sunday as im invited to Sunday Lunch at K/T's parents, but i hope you all enjoy yourselves.


Question: Lunch on Sunday anyone??: click here to read the entire thread »

Thank you Jacko


For how long have You been on CS???: click here to read the entire thread »

I have also been on here for around 9 months although i have been rather lucky as it only took me 2 - 3 months to find my current and hopefully longterm boyfriend we have been dating for nearly 7 months now and we are considering moving onto the next step and moving in together.
Now i am still on here quite a few evenings a week to see who is saying what and still attend the Malta CS meetings which are great fun..... but i also have my life away from here too. I think its having a good balance between CS life and real life. My boyfriend on the other hand decided a couple of months ago that he didnt need CS anymore and has removed his profile and himself from here....so i suppose each to their own, i dont see anything wrong with still coming on CS even though you are in a relationship as long as you have stated that in your profile.


For how long have You been on CS???: click here to read the entire thread »

"Some puppies" so you are not even content with one puppy...? Well lets hope like all good doggies you lick your balls clean first.


Just got a puppy...: click here to read the entire thread »