Posted: Aug 11, 2008, 12:08 PM CST
Ambrose2007 wrote:The most provocative assertion in the above, to my mind, is "...if each of us knew everything going on in our partner's head,NO ONE would EVER be able to sustain a long-term relationship."
That sentiment is not new, and I've entertained it myself (a variation is what if we all had to answer absolutely truthfully every question put to us), but have you ever considered in-depth the implications of that thesis? They're not only pretty fascinating in terms of revealing something about human nature, but I find them also more than a little chilling.
If my love could see into my deepest innermost thoughts - particularly my feelings toward her - I am convinced that she would stay with me...that upon knowing the depth of my love (and its full extent) that any "blips" she might encounter would not destroy or even particularly harm our relationship.
Of course, that's at this moment, and you wrote "long-term," so that doesn't necessarily refute the idea.
Imagine the effect of that kind of psychic knowledge on human evolution. Would we even have developed as a species? I think we would survive as a species even if our thoughts were more or less transparent...and I believe that when you wrote above: "... if my partner has compared me to a past relationship and decided I am the loser in that comparison, he would not have to tell me verbally. I would pick up on it and act accordingly, i.e., hit the road," is making the claim that ultimately we do know critical elements of our partner's thoughts...which seems to rather contradict your other thesis, doesn't it?
Jeff
Hi Dr. Jeff:
I have told you time and time again to stay out of my mushroom garden.
Your threads are getting WAY TOO DEEP!
The cave men might have survived as a species "even if our thoughts were more or less transparent," but there likely would have been a lot more clubbing goin' on, and I'm not referring to the disco.
With all due respect, I think you may believe your partner knowing all your daily thoughts is fine and dandy because you are not consciously aware of each one. If every single one of your thoughts throughout the day were automatically transcribed onto paper for your partner to read verbatum, I sincerely believe you'd be in a heap of trouble by day's end, and probably by lunch time.
It is simply not that simple. Each of us has a lifetime of personal data stored in our heads from our life experiences (bad/good), and even in the most well adjusted individual, some of those resultant thoughts are not pretty. Relationships wax and wane; people go through changes, and some of that "stuff" in our heads is best worked through privately, i.e., within ourselves. Our partners are dealing with their own "stuff."
Yes, "....ultimately we do know critical elements of our partner's thoughts" because those thoughts manifest into behaviors. However, I am not interested in knowing details of the thought process preceding my partner's behavior. I am interested in only the behavior itself. Of course, I am oversimplifying here, but you are giving me carpal tunnel syndrome.
I think we all have thoughts regarding how certain aspects of one relationship differs from another. Nothing wrong with THINKING them......but, if you are overall content in your present relationship and want to continue it, I think it is REALLY unhealthy and unnecessarily hurtful to point out specfic ways a former partner upstaged your current one. After all, if the former partner was "all that," where are they NOW? Again, if my partner conveyed to me either verbally or otherwise that I am inferior to a former partner, I'd be outta there because he has psychological/emotional unfinished business.
How important is it to you that your lover views you as better overall than previous lovers?: click here to read the entire thread »