Posted: Jul 3, 2008, 12:04 PM CST
Funny I was with some friends yesterday and we were talking about forgiveness.
From the time I was a little girl, I took on the blame for everything that happened whether it was my fault or not. Including my parents divorce when my father was cheating on my mother.
It took many years for me to realize that not everything is my fault. Yes I do screw up sometimes and have had to ask for forgiveness for those things, but other than that I don't shoulder other peoples actions and take the blame for them. I had a husband that cheated on me, and I did forgive him and tried to work things out. When it happened again however, that was the last straw for me. I have forgiven him over time, but I have never forgotten.
The biggest hurdle for me has always been forgiving myself even in situations that I had no control over....It's the old "If only I had done this instead of that." Hindsight is 20/20 and when were in situations it's difficult to see the big picture and base choices on logic rather than emotions. As long as I am able to forgive myself, I can always forgive others, but it's a process and sometimes things take longer than we want them to.
Trust is never immediate, it takes time to build trust and it's earned and gained over time, it's not something that happens overnight. Each person is different from the other and we can't put everyone in the same categories. It would be like me saying that I can't trust a man that has a thin build with blonde hair and blue eyes or is named John because then it would mean that I would compare all those men to my ex husband and have contempt for them prior to investigation. Our past teaches us if we learn from it, but we can't base our present situations on our past, because we are not the same person we were then.
When You Have been cheated on, is it truly possible to forgive? : click here to read the entire thread »