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Bull!: click here to read the entire thread »

Think about it the way he died looks like suicide and no other reason to think not.

Remember that British scientist David Kelly who the BBC used in an interview about WMD in Iraq?. They say he killed himself but there is a 99% chance he was murdered.


Anthrax Attacks....Mystery Solved...U.S. Government Scientist Was About To Be Charged.......: click here to read the entire thread »

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is 80 euro an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.

God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!" Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?

The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."


A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.


More quickies : click here to read the entire thread »

But is the mystery solved?. For all we know he was murdered because he knew to much.


Anthrax Attacks....Mystery Solved...U.S. Government Scientist Was About To Be Charged.......: click here to read the entire thread »

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.

He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,

'You sign! You sign!'

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting:

'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.

On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,

'You sign! You sign!'

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:

'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?'

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:



(It's a beauty)




(Wait for it)





(Get your best Chinese accent ready)







'You not Nissan Main Deala?'


Nelson Mandela: click here to read the entire thread »

A Welshman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.
The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back,
and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass. 'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is
beeping the horn.'


artificial insemination: click here to read the entire thread »

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin'..

'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?'

'Well, husband # 1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

'Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

'Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

'Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

'Husband # 5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state of the-art method.

'Husband # 6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

'Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was..... God I miss him.

'But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.

'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?

'You're with the 'GOVERNMENT'...
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED.'


11th husband: click here to read the entire thread »

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30¢?


Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2008:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.


And a thought for today…"Life is like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow".


Top 10 truths: click here to read the entire thread »

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what;

metal,

wood,

stone,

anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,

'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.'

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there..'

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed!

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?







M&M's of course.


Challange: click here to read the entire thread »

A successful rancher died and left everything to

his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman

and determined to

keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching,

so she decided to

place an ad in the

Newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was

gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard

about it, and when no one

else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring

it would be safer

to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved

to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day

and knew a lot about ranching For weeks,

the two of them worked, and the ranch

was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow

said to the hired

hand, You have done a really good job, and the ranch

looks great. You

should go into

Town and kick up your heels.

The hired hand readily agreed and went into

town

one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he

didn't return. Two

o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, upon

entering the room, he found the rancher's widow

sitting by the fireplace

with a glass of wine, Waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

Unbutton my blouse and take it off, she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

Now take off my boots. He did as she asked, ever so

slowly. Now take off my socks. He removed each gently

and placed them neatly by

her boots. Now take off my skirt. He slowly unbuttoned

it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

Now take off my bra. Again, with trembling hands, he

did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever

wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.!!


Widow: click here to read the entire thread »

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel
chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.


Phone repair: click here to read the entire thread »

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window ofthe biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.
A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'
'Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.
'Oh, no apology is necessary... ! Actually I want to thank you.
You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'

'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'
'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked. 'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said.
'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'
'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.

'No Kidding,' he said. 'Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?????' lol


Best Genie joke ever.: click here to read the entire thread »

Also still free.


whos taken and who is not taken : click here to read the entire thread »

Very funny


The Lonely Brain Cell : click here to read the entire thread »

She wishes look s more like a rabbi in that pic.


Where's the one place you have no desire to visit? : click here to read the entire thread »

I think if she had a pulse you would be happy.


what is 3 things you want out of your partner, you are searching for??: click here to read the entire thread »

No we use kleenex. Don't talk about women that way


what about masturbating....: click here to read the entire thread »

Well if he is London for business before he flies to the U.S. he may not get a chance to fly across to Dublin. He did let you know he was in London which is an hour away by plane and that he would like to meet up. Why not go for it as what have you got to lose?. How long will it be before you get the chance to meet up again.


Have a chance: click here to read the entire thread »

Actually most of that is fact. I would be very worried if Iran get nukes as they would have no problems in using them or supplying dirty bombs to terrorists.


Iran, A Country of War or peace: click here to read the entire thread »

Your turn now?



Three Words You Might Say After Sex ????????: click here to read the entire thread »