Infidelity
He says: “I didn’t do anything. She needed someone to talk to.”
She hears: I am this woman’s emotional support. She relies on and opens up to me, unlike you.
She says: “This is worse than sleeping with her. Why can’t you see that?”
He says: “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Linda says: For women, emotional infidelity — feelings for someone else — is worse than physical infidelity, but for men the opposite is true.
So the key here is for the woman to explain that emotional straying can be an even bigger betrayal than a physical relationship.
Moving in
She says: “Have you thought any more about us moving in together?”
She means: Why are you avoiding the issue? What’s the big deal?
He says: “Why can’t you just chill out? What will be will be.”
He hears: Nag, nag, nag . . . why is she trying to pin me down?
Linda says: For women, moving in together is all about what they stand to gain, while for men it’s all about what they stand to lose.
It’s vital he feels it’s a joint decision so try to appeal to his male characteristics by explaining it on a practical level. Better yet, make him feel like it was his idea in the first place.
Marriage
He says: “I can’t wait for the day I walk you down the aisle.”
He means: I love you.
She hears: Our relationship will only be truly committed when we are married. Nothing else is good enough.
She thinks: I love you but I’ve told you that I’m not interested in marriage.
Linda says: A person’s view of marriage is often shaped by whether their parents were happy or unhappy.
Sit down together and talk about what marriage means to each of you in order to reach a compromise.
Remember, just because your parents had an unhappy marriage doesn’t mean the same will be true for you.
If your partner has negative views on marriage, try to challenge their negative ideas with positives.
Parenting
He says: “Hello darling, I’m home. Have you missed me? I missed you.”
He thinks: God, it was nice to have some time away tonight.
She thinks: How dare you! I’ve been slaving away looking after your child and you’ve been down the pub.
She says: “Great. I’m going to bed.”
Linda says: In any exchange about children, it’s important to recognise you are both parents and need to put your family first.
The man needs to be more sensitive and acknowledge the fact that, while he has had a “break”, his wife must be tired.
Perhaps he could suggest that next week it should be her turn to go out?
More importantly, it’s essential to acknowledge the changes that have taken place for you both as a couple.
Leave your carefree, single persona in the pub and remember that the moment you get home, you are a parent.
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