I am as happy as a dog with 9 dicks.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
It's been Monday all week.
I intend to live forever. So far so good.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?.
What's another word for Thesaurus?.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
National Atheist's Day April 1st.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!.
What's the speed of dark?.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?.
Who stopped payment on my reality check?.
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