Claayer wrote:I would leave.. run away.. whatever.. I wouldn't stay.. no waaaaaay.
Ladies, reading the entries I have to wonder at where in the world you get the bizarre notions of parents or family members giving you ultimatums ...it is NOT a 'do or die' or 'you marry who I tell you you to marry or we disown you and you get out of our lives' scenarios....this sounds more like the old contrived 'Hollywood' images of history. The social and family situations of 'arranged' marriages (read: advised)as written in Tolstoy's novel War And Peace are much more closer to the actual and realistic way these matters are conducted. The parents advise and council; they do not tell you what to think, or when to think just as no one tells you when to go to the bathroom or not.... There is no possible way anyone can force anyone to an altar except perhaps in some rural primitive town in the Ozark Mountains, or some primitive fishing village somewhere along the Atlantic or Mediterranean coasts, but even there the Church would not comply or sanction any such forced arrangement, parents or anyone be damned; perhaps not in some remote village in the Caucasus Mountains of eastern Europe....
One is introduced to any number of prospects that in the opinions of the parents that may and would be 'a good match'. There are no hard and fast rules that you or anyone MUST obey. That is just ludicrous. You are given the benefits of all the experiences of your parents as you grow up and so also in regards to boy/ girl friends and then in finding someone to make a good marriage with; that other has also been given their families council and advise...from within those social circles and even commercial circles you have your pick; the family can act as 'facilitators' helping make things easier for thing to work out, providing Cupid with enough room as it were to hit his targets...%)
In the end, it is all up to each party to decide on all the pros's and con's of the match; advantages and disadvantages ultimately the deciding factor will be on having kept an open mind and heart. In the idyllic situation; is don't forget that Love grows over time, while passions subside so if you 'click' from among the prospects, then everyone 'clicks'. The 'Romantic' side can still be brought out. No love does not equal a marriage in the end, no matter what. This is something that I have counseled my daughter on and so far after trying and failing on her own impetuous nature, she is maturing in seeing that yes, I do have her best interests at heart and that my and her mothers experiences can make her life a lot less frustrating and painful in these matters. I sort of act as her pathfinder, not her over-seer as it were. I'm relatively pleased so far. She knows the basics of what type of man I would like for her to marry and her current boyfriend, while he may not be enrolled in St. Cyr Military Academy, he's a lot better than some 'business' zombie in some sombre grey flannel suit; hell, even an Anarchist would be more interesting than that! At least the anarchist would have substance ! %D Hollywood images are not real life.
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