Posted: Feb 19, 2006, 6:48 AM CST
Communication is everything in a relationship. I don't mean to say that communicating is all you should do in a relationship, but rather that compatibility as communicators is a deal-breaker.
It's easy to tell if I'm physically attracted to a woman; I know that within the first ten seconds. It's also easy to tell if we're socially compatible. If we can't agree on where to go on a date, we probably aren't. However, determining whether we're compatible as communicators isn't so simple.
People don't always communicate in the same way. I like to be a bit sarcastic, even though I'm usually quite literal. One woman I dated recently would hear sarcasm as cold, hurtful arrogance. That's not something that's wrong with her, or with me for that matter. It's just that we don't communicate the same way. Another one loved to talk on the phone for hours. I'm sure she meant it as an affectionate way of payin attention, but I didn't enjoy it, because I don't enjoy talking on the phone; I prefer talking in person, using the phone for the brief "I miss you" when you can't be together.
The point in mentioning these contrasts is to illustrate that we sometimes think our partners don't communicate, when the reality is just that they don't communicate exactly like we do. I think the biggest key in a relationship is finding a person who communicates the same way as you.
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