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When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my Aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped doing that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.



When I was younger: click here to read the entire thread »

A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the afternoon with her for $500. Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but that he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.' On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:
Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:
Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.



Rent For Apartment: click here to read the entire thread »

Big Girls ROCK!


Big, beautiful women, Guys?: click here to read the entire thread »

Evanescence

"YOU"


The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you
And I cant sleep, I need to tell you... goodnight
When we’re together I feel perfect
When I’m pulled away from you I fall apart
All that you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so blue, I can’t look away as we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me, "Amy, marry me, promise you’ll stay with me..."
Oh you don’t have to ask me, you know you’re all that I live for
You know I’d die just to hold you, stay with you
Somehow I’ll show you that you are my night sky
I’ve always been right behind you
Now I’ll always be right beside you
So many nights I’ve cried myself to sleep
Now that you love me I love myself
I never thought I would say that
I never thought there’d be you.




Lyrics... songs you like...: click here to read the entire thread »

My future holds happiness, laughter, and a whole lot of fun!

Not to mention work.


what does your future hold for you : click here to read the entire thread »

Oh the Substitute Teacher one.

I'm an avid fan of Little Johnny jokes.

It all started back when I was... j/k



Little Johnny has to pee!: click here to read the entire thread »

and his voice


Who likes: click here to read the entire thread »

Thanks Everyone for making a lady feel welcome!



Hello Everyone: click here to read the entire thread »

Not me.


Little Johnny has to pee!: click here to read the entire thread »

It was a little boy's first day in school and a teacher was going to
play a "guessing" game. She passed out different items to each of the
students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received.
When it was the new boy, Johnny's turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss.

She asked "Do you know what it is?"

Johnny replied "No"

The teacher said, "Go ahead and open it up and taste it."

Little Johnny did so.
The teacher then asked, "Now do you know what it is?"

Little Johnny said "Nooooo."

The teacher said, "I"ll give you a hint...it is something your daddy
wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work."

A little girl in the back of the class jumps up and screams
"JOHNNY, SPIT IT OUT......... IT'S A PIECE OF ASS."


Little Johnny has to pee!: click here to read the entire thread »

I have a lot more!



Little Johnny has to pee!: click here to read the entire thread »

Thank You for the warm welcome.



Hello Everyone: click here to read the entire thread »

A bar.

Would be interesting to hear what people say.




If you could be any inanimate object for a day, what would you be?: click here to read the entire thread »

I signed up a couple of weeks ago. I really have not had a chance to check everything out yet. I do love the jokes forum. Have a great weekend.



Hello Everyone: click here to read the entire thread »

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a
sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.

He yelled out,
'Miss Jones, I need to have a piss!'

Miss Jones replied,
'Now Johnny, that is not the proper word to use in this
situation. The correct word you want to use is urinate.
Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly and
I will allow you to go.'

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, 'You're an
eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a 10.'



Little Johnny has to pee!: click here to read the entire thread »

gentleman


make a word from the last letter of the word above #2 ...we ran out of room!: click here to read the entire thread »

Youthful


make a word from the last letter of the word above #2 ...we ran out of room!: click here to read the entire thread »