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A kiss...on her hand

there is a god

sun tan lotion, provided that I spread it

you can't...you don't wear any!!

my pants

Would you wear bubble wrap only on a date ?

she is the bedside

ehm.....well, all I can say is...when I walk past my greengrocer, he yells out at the top of his voice..."Hey Lago, how was your date last night??!!"......

It's a little-known secret, but men of my age often go on dates armed with a good-sized cucumber....just in case mother nature fails us at a critical moment in the evening.....The trick is to conceal it correctly.....the usual modus operandi is to strap it to your thigh with low-grip scotch tape.....and wear loose fitting trousers.....the only problem is, bringing the said vegetable to bear in a smooth, fluid motion without ripping off too much leg hair....this is not easy for novices....they usually let out a howl of pain, which brings proceedings to an abrupt halt.....it is an aquired technique, but alas, necessary....also, make love with the lights off....your date may be horrified by the unexpected discovery of a large green rampant organic object in the bed....

Oh oh!!!....here's another cucumber cutie I think...!!

I'll teach you another word............tamale!

I'm a dirty thang!

I got the following strange email below. Has anyone else got one?.

From: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
To: skimpydoo
Date: Aug 20, 2008, 5:04 AM WET
Subject: speaking of eating out
want to eat my bum?

Well my name is barro!

And I didn't even get out the whips and chains!

Naughty smiling little brown eyes
get to running off at the mouth,
and telling me everything that's on her nasty mind.

They say she's malnutritioned,
in need of some Vitamin D,
and inviting me to that tingle in her spine.

I love who she are,
I love who she ain't,
she's sooo Anne Frank.
We should hit the attic and hide out for about two weeks,
Rick James-in',
No chains and whips,
but I do suck lips 'til hips jerk.
The boy next door's a freak!