would you drop your best friend for a bf/gf if they asked?

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druidess6308 Aliquippa, Pennsylvania USA
Da10th: Just a matter of finding a man that is secure with himself and doesn't have the insecurities of a little boy.


Exactly. If this friendship were going to be anything more than that, it would have by now. I have a few close male friends, and any man I'm romantically involved with has to accept this as well.

Only an insecure person gets jealous of a friendship with the other gender that was already in place before their advent into one's life.

wine
scarlets llanelli, Dyfed, Wales UK
certainly not!grin
Big_John Ocean Springs, Mississippi USA
romanticman4u: Yeah you need to find a secure man, but why not date your best friend you already get along together and probably make a perfect couple, good romances start out as best friends, just a thought


I have a best friend that is a lady. I couldn't imagine turning the corner and dating her. Once I entered into a relationship based only on friendship I don't think my mind could adapt to thinking of her sexually. JMO.

How many other's have opposite sex friends? Could you change your relationship with them?



sbear East Haven, Connecticut USA
In response to: My best friend is a male, we have been friends for 3 yrs and go out and talk about everything. Just as if we were best girlfriends. I was dating a guy who said he didnt like the fact that I had "jim" as a friend and I spent to much time with him. Even though I told him we were best friends nothing more. Well I dropped the guy I was dating. I have started talking with another man and told him my best friend was a male and he said he didnt like that either. Should I leave this part of my life out?



No. I have a very close knit circle of friends from high school. We have been through school,marriages, divorces, 2nd marriages, 2nd divorces, jobs, unemployment, moved to other states, children, pets, death and everything else life has thrown our way in the last 23 years. All of my friends were in my wedding standing by my side and every one of them was right back at my side through my divorce. My friends are my family. A real friend will last a lifetime most relationships won't. one of my close friends is a man and I would not ever give him up he is like my brother. I think if someone loves you the love is unconditional and they love ALL of you friends and family are part of the package. One of our on going jokes when one of us starts to date someone new is to joke with them that they are dating the group of us. I would not leave that part out as he is an important part of your life, the right man will accept your freindship and trust you.
tallaght_guy dublin, Dublin Ireland
well if shoe was on other foot id drop the gf and keep the freind either its a lot of insecurity or or mind games either of which i can do without
HJFinAZ Sun CIty, Arizona USA
Best friend or just plain old everyday friend;

HELL NO!!!!!doh
casinogirl sioux city, Iowa USA
Thanks so much for your imput, and as far as us having a relationship i cant imagine it lol we know way too much about each other. But your right i couldnt give him up. thanks again
zee1ander Somewhere, Kentucky USA
Relationships come and go.... True friends are worth fighting for.

zee
somechick Cincinnati Ohio, Ohio USA
In response to: My best friend is a male, we have been friends for 3 yrs and go out and talk about everything. Just as if we were best girlfriends. I was dating a guy who said he didnt like the fact that I had "jim" as a friend and I spent to much time with him. Even though I told him we were best friends nothing more. Well I dropped the guy I was dating. I have started talking with another man and told him my best friend was a male and he said he didnt like that either. Should I leave this part of my life out?


Heck no!!!!Cause if someone I was dating asked me to give up a friend who just happened to be a man,then it's pretty obvious that that boyfriend has trust issues.



sbear East Haven, Connecticut USA
zee1ander: Relationships come and go.... True friends are worth fighting for.

zee



thumbs up cheers
Dknew Lee, New Hampshire USA
No I wouldn't, A person should not have to give up their friends for a relationship.
KrazieStill Bristol, Connecticut USA
If I were dating, I wouldn't date someone that tried to control who I hung out with.
Ambrose2007 Badger, South Dakota USA
I think the replies so far have overlooked some critical considerations in evaluating your situation, Casino. I suspect it is likely that your relationship with your best friend is interfering with your love life.

First, is your best male friend a former lover? If so, I think it's understandable that your prospective boyfriends could find this rather cowing. The idea of a former lover being involved in a current relationship as a "consultant" is inadvisable for what I hope are obvious reasons.
In any case, the main factor, I think, is the priority you award the relationships in your life. If your priority is to have a best friend, be that female or male, then that potentiates a particular result. If your priority is to find a life-mate or a serious romantic relationship, then that will also incline one toward certain consequences. This isn't to say that it's "either-or"; the point is simply to be aware of what means the most to you in your life.

If your highest relationship value is a serious romantic relationship, then you should prioritize accordingly. Situations which will tend to negate your chances of finding and maintaining such a relationship ought to be examined with an eye toward minimizing their negative influence. For example, you would plan to spend more time with your potential love over that spent with others. You might give up your traditional Saturday outing with your best friend or your daily book club meetings, for the time being.

In your case, Casino - assuming you're serious about a romantic relationship - I would suggest that you devote the lion's share of your time to your budding relationship during its formative stages, and make it abundantly clear to your prospective love that he is your first priority. If and when you tell your potential love about your male best friend, make sure that he knows that neither he nor others will take away from time that you would otherwise spend together. Of course you would want to spend some time with others, but the point is that your *first* priority will be him (barring medical emergencies or the like laugh).

In this scenario, your potential S.O. ought to feel reassured and secure in his status, and from that strong position would likely be more accepting of your male friend.

Inevitably, if your relationship grows, your new love will become your best friend and lover, and your former best male friend, if he is indeed a true friend, will honor that and gracefully accept his "demotion."



hug wave
Dawn7z DENVER CO, Colorado USA
In response to: My best friend is a male, we have been friends for 3 yrs and go out and talk about everything. Just as if we were best girlfriends. I was dating a guy who said he didnt like the fact that I had "jim" as a friend and I spent to much time with him. Even though I told him we were best friends nothing more. Well I dropped the guy I was dating. I have started talking with another man and told him my best friend was a male and he said he didnt like that either. Should I leave this part of my life out?






I would not drop someone that was important and precious to me for a bf. I also wouldn't ask them to drop people they care about from their lives. I would try to include them and get everybody used to each other but I value the couple of guy friends I have in my life too much for that nonsense.
lanabyte Charleston, West Virginia USA
Absolutely not. scold
There's a song that says "If you don't like them, you won't like me." My friends are my friends for a reason.
Big_John Ocean Springs, Mississippi USA
I would drop the girlfriend before I would give up my best friends. I made a mistake by picking her if this is something she would ask of me.
Ambrose2007 Badger, South Dakota USA
Dawn7z: I would not drop someone that was important and precious to me for a bf. I also wouldn't ask them to drop people they care about from their lives. I would try to include them and get everybody used to each other but I value the couple of guy friends I have in my life too much for that nonsense.


hmmm Hey, Dawn! hug head banger

Okay, I wonder if you (and Lana and BJ) have checked out the Love Scenarios thread. I'd be interested in your feedback, since the scenario there seems strangely similar to the OPs, and it seems to be getting quite different response from this one's...dunno confused hug
FaithfulNHonest Seattle, Washington USA
casinogirl: My best friend is a male, we have been friends for 3 yrs and go out and talk about everything. Just as if we were best girlfriends. I was dating a guy who said he didnt like the fact that I had "jim" as a friend and I spent to much time with him. Even though I told him we were best friends nothing more. Well I dropped the guy I was dating. I have started talking with another man and told him my best friend was a male and he said he didnt like that either. Should I leave this part of my life out?
thumbs down Nope!!! a friendship is priceless, b/f and g/f come and go, unless you find a goldmine. In my opinion, if the boyfriend oe girlfriend is not sure of themselves or secure in the Relationship, then they need to professional help, and they need to grow-up and act their age and not their shoe size.If the love between the to parties is deep and strong, than no one can come between them, no matter what.The woman trusts her man and the Man trusts his woman,then nobody can part them.But, there is no way,in hell, that i would give up a faithful friendship, for a jealous BF.
FaithfulNHonest Seattle, Washington USA
casinogirl: My best friend is a male, we have been friends for 3 yrs and go out and talk about everything. Just as if we were best girlfriends. I was dating a guy who said he didnt like the fact that I had "jim" as a friend and I spent to much time with him. Even though I told him we were best friends nothing more. Well I dropped the guy I was dating. I have started talking with another man and told him my best friend was a male and he said he didnt like that either. Should I leave this part of my life out?
scold You would be ass out and on the curb, if you drop your best friend, and then sometime down the road, your bf finds another bed to lay in.Then you would not have anyone, not even your friend. Play it smart, keep the friend, no matter how your bf feels, with jealousy and insecure.
bloodysue Rabat, Xlokk Malta
casinogirl: My best friend is a male, we have been friends for 3 yrs and go out and talk about everything. Just as if we were best girlfriends. I was dating a guy who said he didnt like the fact that I had "jim" as a friend and I spent to much time with him. Even though I told him we were best friends nothing more. Well I dropped the guy I was dating. I have started talking with another man and told him my best friend was a male and he said he didnt like that either. Should I leave this part of my life out?


No way would I ever drop a friend just cos someone else wanted me to. Only I am allowed to drop friends if I think they're bad for me. No one else.

Mind you...if these types of men are asking this, you should consider what else they might ask you to stop doing later on in the relationship...if you had to continue that is.




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