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Well an answer to Solitare:
I guess his mother had jusy up and left without a word one day. He is the second to the youngest. He told that he considers his step mother's to be mothers too but they can never replace the real one. I guess his Dad at that time was pretty abusive physically as well as emotionally and drank alot. His father blamed him for his mother leaving because once he had stuck up for his mother while she was getting beat and threatened his father with a hockey stick to get him to stop, After that she left without a word.He ended up getting a girl preganant at age 17 and having a daughter, then later a son who dies when he was a few months old. He had a sister who committed suicide a couple years after that and then an ex girlfriend. A couple years ago he had 5 family members die within 6 months. Since then he stated to change some for the better, takinf life more seriously. He says his relationship with his mom and dad are good now. I tell you I was surprised he opened up to me like he did in a sober way. He really is a good person even though he may seem distant and cold at times. He told me he thinks women and men are different in expressing their feelings and that women tend to go into to many details about feelings. I just want to understand this man and if anyone can relate to it being hard to express their feelings or it being hard to tell someone how you feel I'd like to hear your story.

Lionheart,
Just follow your heart and judgement on this one. It sounds like he has been through hell. Everyone will have different opinons when it comes to drinking and feelings. No one is right or wrong. The way one person may act might not be the same as someone else. With being a recovering alcoholic for 13 years, I have met different kinds. Some drink to hide there feelings. Some will be more honest with you while under the influence then when there sober. It depends on each individial. I will comment on one thing... There are some things that I did while drinking that I would never of done when sober. The guilt of doing certain things is what helped me to get sober for good. It sounds like this person is reaching out to you. All you can do is listen and be a friend to him. The rest is up to him...

Hello Everyone, So this is where ya all are hiding, lol.

Hey Michelle, How was Mass? got the email, just have not had time to write ya back yet, I will, lol.

And as for the booze think, I am boring at that- Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, so I am not an authority on it anymore. But when in college, I did learn that beer has enough calories to sustain life, lol- many of liquid dinners at the frat house.

Lionhearted, a vast world of pains has opened up on you by someone wanting desparatly, hoping sedperatly that you will be able to help him form a "new and better" him, perhaps...he is putting all his trust, his world into your hands..he trusts you enough to take this step, that is quite obvious.
A neutral observer would advise to "proceed with extreme caution" You may have some serious choices and decisions to make here as to, for one, how far do you wish to go with this; how deeply; will you be able to cope? If he is finally at the stage that he wants and needs to open, the last thing to do is outright rejection; you can imagine why...he should be encouraged to enter some form of professional therapy. This could prove very delicate. If you feel comfortable with his opening to you, then go with it; his time to release the pains of loss, repressed emotions etc, is now; he wants to let go and yet hold; it'll be like a real struggle back and forth for a while. Ask AB AB, she is a nurse; could be her ground.
Good luck Lionhearted.

Yankee,
Most people would tell me to just forget about him but my heart hasn't been able to let go and he hasn't been able to let completely go either. I heed your wise words of experience and also have worn those shoes too. The statement about your brother really struck me though. It sounded so familiar. It just has taken so long to get to this point with him but every little step seems like I'm getting somewhere at least.

Lion...we posted at the same time; see above your last

Solitare,

I have known him for about 5 1/2 years. He opens up little by little. There is one thing he should be assured of right now and that is that I would never reject him. I am in no way going to tell him to go get professional help. He has over the past couple years been doing things to help himself. You are right when you say a struggle back and forth. I guess that is why I started this thread. A lot of times I there has been times when I thought we were getting somewhere only to have him close up and get defensive. That he is even letting me into his childhood and what it was like is really amazing to me. It took years! He will never read this and you'll never know him so I don't feel like I am betraying his trust. I wanted to see if there was any insight amongst people here. I have gotten some really good feedback, especially from you and Yankee. Thanks

I think some need alcohol to do the things they secretly want to do and normally wouldn't and fall back on alcohol as an excuse for having done it.

I need no alchol courage,nothing I wouldn't do straight,that I wouldn't while under the influence.
Am just as bold regardless,maybe a bit too bold,being fearless can sometimes be downfall,but for now,I still stand.

I Don't drink...Get myself in trouble though, lol.

liquid courage with added stupidity..lol.. guys get drunk and tell me all kinds of stuff..most i don't even care to hear..lmao.. and a lot of times way to much info.. and then don't remember it the next day..i tend to ignore the drunken banter..

i hardly ever drink it seems to put me out..i get down and can barely speak at all.. how ever at a normal self..i tend to speak my mind anyways.. i do get shy when i like some one and takes a litle bit of getting my nerve up..but i still tell it like it is.. ;-)

Kristi you will get there,just sit and watch on the trip ,and see the courage,....lmao

naa, fell in too many times, wrecked too many cantinas and cheap bordels; just gimme an ak-47...:)

no,i can call someone an asshole no problem sober or not.But it's easier to talk to an idiot or stupid people when drunk.

its called tolerance Jax........barley having patients

you got it sis,lol


hey lene whats with your pic? didnt ya pay the light bill?

people say the darndest things when drinking. Things they normwlly wouldn't say, so if you need to have a talk with someone do it before you kill the bottle of wine.

Your good Cute, good guess, LOL

Is it bad?

compared to mine,yeah,lol


nah you look good.

I don't like getting falling down drunk, I think I am probably a little too old for that sort of thing.

But when I am in certain situations, I may have a drink or two because it helps me relax, and more at ease and in that way be able to express myself easier.


Joanne