I guess if someone farts... is that Colon Bowel barking commands?
I heard about this one guy in the midwest who got so much junk mail, he burned it in his wood stove and kept his house heated all winter (he didn't need to buy fire wood that year). The way I handle junk mail is to xerox a business reply card from a company I don't like... then I glue the copied cards to boxes full of rocks and mail them back to the companies!

Everyone used to say I would get busted for doing this... but it has been over 10 years now, I guess the police psychics have been sleeping on the job, ha ha!