Connecting Singles^® Forums 100% Free Online Dating

Hi Sommer. I wasn't necessarily a great parent but I was a good parent because I looked out for my daughter's welfare since I was the only parent. Now that she is 44 years old I am no longer needed to look out for her because she can take care of herself and she has a very good husband. But every so often she will ask my opinion of something.

To be honest, when she was a little girl, she wanted to play board games and I didn't. I hated board games. I even hated having to read to her when she went to bed cause I had worked all day and I was tired. It's funny when I think back. I would try to skip around the story and she would say "you missed the part...." and then I'd have to go back and read from the beginning.

Those were the times I was a bad parent because I didn't want to do the things that little children want to do.

As she grew older I was able to relate to her better and I went on camping trips with her with the Girl Scouts, always went to school functions, PTA meetings, wherever she needed me to go, I would go WITH her.

My parents were bad, very bad parents. I was an obligation to them. My father didn't even go to my high school graduation. He thought the diamond bracelet he bought me would make up for his abence.

Hi Snuggs.

I love how you have been honest in that you say you did not want to play board games. This is exactly what I mean and what this lady stated in her article. It is okay to feel this and it is okay to say it.

How many times do we say to people on here, oh, I have always admired the way you put your child first'

We don't have to stop living to be parents and raise our children to be upstanding members of the soceity.

Too much pressure is on parents to be good parents and looking down our nose at those who can manage to successfully have a life running concurrently alongside raising children.

You were a bad parent in those times, other people tell us we are bad parents for not wanting to do the things that we should with our children, so I am saying that being a bad parent in the eyes of soceity is just bloody well okay.

I had many parents who did not come to their children's graduation yesterday...

Are they bad parents? No, they are the parents that for whatever they could not make it, I cannot make them into bad parents, by saying it was terrible that they were not there.

Ah, Sommer...I can relate to what you say here. I have been criticized as being a "bad mother" for giving my ex custody of our sons. What mother would give them up, after all, unless she was a bad mother?

What they don't bother to find out is the reasons I did it. That he was the stay-at-home parent while I supported a family of four, and that I was working very long hours. Crazy hours, because if anyone called off, I would stay. I worked some days from 10 am until 2 am, only to go in again the next morning. How do you hire a sitter for that, and how do you justify it when there is a loving parent, a good parent, who is available to be one 24/7? With no family in the area anymore, I had nobody else to watch them for those crazy hours.

Also, he threatened me that if I did take custody, I'd never see them again. In this country we have milk cartons with missing children on them. Most of those children are abducted by the non-custodial parent, never to be seen by the rest of their family again. At least I had warning this would happen.

So, I gave him custody. It was best for the children, and assured us that we would have time together, for I have never missed any of my time I am allotted with them. I hold that time sacred. It's been 10 years now. Now they are talking about moving in with me for the last few years of their "childhood"...these wonderful, zany teen years. And the door is open. They are old enough not to need a parent around 24/7 anymore, which is good, because I still need to work.

Now he can't kidnap them and convince them I'm dead, or tell them other lies about me. He has tried over the past decade to drive a wedge between us, and it hasn't worked. My sons and I are good friends, and we talk about everything. I have discussed every major decision with them for the past decade, and held their good as well as my own in mind.

I have awesome sons. I might not have been the best of mothers, but at least my sons have no doubt that I love them deeply and have always done what's best for them, and always respected them enough to be honest with them.

Am I a bad mother? Maybe. But my sons don't think so, and that's all that matters.

Yes, you terrbile mother, giving your sons to their father, how could you?

Who gives a shit Dru? Honestly, you are the a prime example of what a wonderful mother is. We are made to feel guilty because we are doing the right thing for our children. You did what I believe in which is ensuring that your boys were taken care of so that you could take care of them...

Would your sons want any better mother than the one they already have? That does not make you the best of mothers, it makes you their mother. The one person no other person can be.

Sommer, my father's refusal to not go to my graduation was because he was a selfish B.

And even thought I didn't play board games and I tried to rush through the bed time story, my daughter turned out very well. I am completely proud of her. We have our momements but show me a mother and daughter that don't have words once in awhile.

Even though she is an adult, she will ALWAYS come first in my life. You are always a parent no matter how old your child is.

Dru, my husband threatened me too when we were separated. I had left him four times and had to go back to him three times cause each time I was afraid he would get custody. I am divorced 39 years and back then I didn't know the laws. I didn't know that with him being an alcoholic he would have never gotten custody but he had money so I figured he would buy his way in the court.

So was I a good parent cause I went back to live with my husband who was an alcoholic in fear of losing her. I didn't care what I had to deal with at the time. All I wanted was for my dauther to be with me under my supervision and not an alcoholics.

It gets hard at times. I know, and any mother, single or not does get worn out. I gave my kids Children's Benedryl, the proper dose for their age and weight, one night a week so I could write. I loved them, and still love them, and they love me. Would I do that again maybe, maybe not, but back then it was a method that worked for me.

I am sure that he was a selfish b Snuggs, if you feel that way about it... But that does not make all parents bad parents because they cannot make their child's graduation. In my view.

My children do not always come first, we all come first, me, them, my partner, I rank them all at #1 and can manage to fit them all in...

I do not sacrifice another person in my life for my children. If they need me I would be there, I am there even when they do not need me.

I like your last statement, yes you are a parent no matter how old your child is, you are absoutley correct, other people see it as good or bad, because soceity expects that of us.

I've been a naughty boy.
What are you going to do about it?

i think we all do the best that we can for our children .i had to put my eldest child into care when he was 12 .it was the hardest thing i ever did.for years ive felt guilty for this but looking at him now he is more indepentant.he also gets all the help he needs .also my other two children where able to have a good life without worry.im proud of the way all my kids have turned out.its also thanks to the carers who looked after him.

Just awful Snuggs and Dru that you were threatened with never seeing your children again.

My ex husband removed mine from the country. It took me 18 months to get them back. But I did and then when I did, I ensured that their loyalties would never be torn again, hence the decision I made to agree to 50% residency. It has worked for us.

Snuggs, it is amazing how one person can terrify you into thinking these things and yes, you were a good parent because you went back to her father because of your daughter. You were in fear of losing her, so to keep her you went back. Better her be with an alcoholic with her mother around than alone with just her father.

What is who going to do about it?

Ah, thank you Sommer...but I already knew that myself. As I said, they think I'm a good mother, and that's all that matters. Personally, I've never given a rat's fuzzy about what anyone else thinks. But I do know what they think...some have been honest enough to say it to my face.

And I've never thought of myself as a bad mother. None of us are bad parents, unless we've been abusive. And not always even then. My mother, for example. She was abusive in every way...and yet, she was also a good mother who would defend me to anyone and stand behind me when I sought my dreams. She worries, but we laugh and we share. She taught me to be strong, and she taught me to be me. She was the best mother she knew how to be, and that's all any of us can ever be.

I don't blame you at all. I would have done the same. Mine didn't threaten to sue for custody, or fight me for it. He just told me I'd never see them again. I knew him well enough to know it wasn't an idle threat. He would have kidnapped them and disappeared. If I ever did find them again, he would have had them brainwashed enough that they wouldn't want to spend time with me. Trust me, I know what he's done over the years as it is, and he's tried to do this. He loves those boys, but he hates me more because I got away from his torment. (And no, he doesn't torment them, or he'd have never seen them again.)

I agree, none of us are bad parents, my post was to show how soceity see us and how we operate as part of soceity. No person wants to be a bad parent or certainly not be seen as one.

But people know that the term 'bad parent' will smart, whereas 'good parent' will make for a good smile and themselves good about it...

I can relate to you also about your mother with my own mother, hence why I was raised by my father...

Hi sweetvelvet.

We do do our best, indeed. Unfortunately many people's best is often not good enough for many other people.

What a lovely thought to the carers.

Ya know, Sommmer, these days many people focus on if a parent ia abusing their child.

You see a parent in the grocery store scolding their child and people look at the parent with disdain.

Or you see a parent spank a child. People stare at the parent.

Children need to be guided and reprimanded when they do wrong.

Yes I believe in timeout but every so often a little spank on the butt serves them well.

As I write this I think back to the times I told my daughter "sit on that chair until I tell you it's okay to get up" when she did something bad.

And if I told you how many times my daughter was grounded you would be surprised. I was a very strict parent with her socializing. I didn't have to be strict with her academics because she wanted to work hard at getting good grades.

yes we do,yes i know ive had it flung in my face by other mothers around my area.

WOW.
being a parent, a single mother, is tuff shit. im doing it, and very soon, im going to let my mother take my daughter so i can get situated in college and work first.
what we are doing is not a bad mother. i take great pride in Motherhood, but i always thought a bad mother is a woman who beats her children, does drugs, and is no way or form a role model for their children. i think that is a bad mother.
and ive never been one of those women who say "my children are my everything, they are my world."
NO. i come first. my well being is priority. when i am happy, satisfied, situated and calm, i can give alot more to my child than if i were a frumpy, unappreciated, ignored or if i lost that part of me that makes me happy.
i am selfish that way, but my daughter is a happy little girl, she is excelling, we are stable, she is clean, fed, has play time, family, and a routine.
so i guess im a bad mother too for taking care of me first lol