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Ah thats an awful situation to get into, she knew from the start what he & his family are about, so because she stood by him he should break free from his parents clutches live in the real world and support the woman he loves.

I am not saying to end what he & his parents have either... complicated !!

i thought so too. living a double life.

moving away from where the parents live and not contact with them or lie to them.

do you think it matters if he did not tell them?

Do you think he himself is acting ashamed of his partner to his family?

Should he have one thinking that they are a family and the parents either acsept all or nothing.

Well i think that if that was me I wouldn't get into a situation like that in the first place...
Family will always be there no matter what and will always support you, be honest with his parents and tell them, honesty is the best policy.
Worst case senario : If she leaves him atleast he still has his family....

He should respecfully and firmly let his family know that his woman is here to stay with or wothout their blesssing

well damn, I'm not winning any spelling bees today

I'd say .. yeah, he's a coward... and If I was the woman, I wouldn't want to continue a relationship, with someone who will not stand up for my character as a person, hell with what color I was... it seems the man has a choice to make...

She should stand up for herself.

With him and then when and if they become a united front, they stand up for each other, shoulder to shoulder and tell the parents that they love each other and they would like them to be a part of that love and if they choose not to, then there is not much they can do.

Lying and leading a double life, he will fall apart...

My sister had a fairly long term relationship with an Asian gentleman. They were very much in love, he was very generous to her and she was happy. Most of the time.

The trouble was, she was in a similar predicament to your friend. There were no children involved, but he knew his family wanted him to marry within the muslim faith, so my sister and his relationship was kept seperate to his family life.

She knew all about this, and went along with it for a while. However, she realised that he would NEVER marry her and the family would NEVER accept her, so is what she wanted ultimately, and, after much soul searching and heartbreak, decided to end the relationship.

So, basically, if your friend is happy with the situation, then great. If she is not, and knows that the relationship will never really get anywhere, she is better off to end it sooner, rather than later.

JMO

The guy is a coward - he wants a child from the very same person he is not strong enough to stand by so that he will now have even more people to hide from his parents. What I learnt in life is that if you accept 100% a person in your life whether it is culture, colour, or religion that makes you different, people that love you will if not accept but at minimum respect who is in your life.

Men should always stand up for their women first no matter what she hits him with.

Agree. I wouldn't continue a relationship with this man. He's so afraid of his family he wants a woman to marry him and hide it from his family? If she does this, she is also a coward. I don't even understand how she could consider accepting such a situation. A marriage is first, the rest of your family comes second (except for your children). Parents, siblings, extended family are secondary to the commitment you make in a marriage.

It's their business however they want to deal with it. Is this man willing to marry her?

That is a chicken shit way out! you love her you want her you need her...Be a Man Stand up and say "I Love Her This Is The Woman For ME...." Nothing is going to change that and it is his choice and they(parents) like it or not are gonna have to deal with it but to be secretive like that Kinda makes me wonder .....Is he gonna keep secrets from his so called love too?

They're his parents, and he should know best how they will react
and how to handle his relationship with them.



It's not enough we make you the center of our world,

you need to run everything in it too?

A marriage is a partnership above and beyond your relationship with your parents. If you don't understand that, you probably shouldn't get married. Put the shoes on the other foot: how would you feel if your wife put her parents first, even going as far as to expect you to keep your marriage a secret from them, and to pretend the children you had in a previous marriage didn't exist. This has nothing to do with women being the center of things, it has to do with being partners.

Yup, it has everything to do with being partners,

and having boundaries.



He isn't asking her to deny the existance of her child, he isn't asking her to do anything. He's just choosing not to bring his parents into his marriage and new family, and if they're that jugdemental...maybe he's right.

@OCee35 I really disagree with you -he is not asking her to lie but he is lying by omittance. He is lying about his life and lifestyle

I expected people to disagree, it's a bad situation, and the easy thing is to blame him. If he'd "stand up for his woman" everything would be fine, but what if it wouldn't be fine? What if he's right? They are his parents, we've never met them, the OP's never met them, even his would be partner has never met them.




The man has three things right now,

a relationship with his partner,

a relationship with his parents,

and full disclosure with both,

one of them has to go.