Eledhwen: Should you have passed this stage of “GTNEAWPG” (getting to know each other with the pink glasses), and you met your guy for real…. Ladies: GO TO BED WITH HIM…
No, I am not talking about sex- I am talking about the issue to spend a night with him at a state what a night and a bed is designed for: SLEEPING…
We could put that beloved angel into categories: The first is the “SPACECOWBOY”- the type of man, being able to bend and stretch his body an anatomical, jawdropping way and then manages it to conquer an almost 64squarefoot King Size Bed,that just one stripe of approx. 7.874inches is left for you to sleep.
The second species is the “ARTIST-OF-SOUND”: You have finally managed to drift into some state of … let’s say…peacefully dozing and then he starts to breath. That is- basically - what you want him to to. But he only breathes IN. You lie there , the fine luring mist of entering dreamland waves goodbye with tyres squealing.. Oh, no - it is his BREATHIN' IN… You wait “What about letting the air go again??”
You start worrying, turn over, grab his shoulder and shake him :“Could you please….” (shake again)… "breathe out??”
He opens his eyes (he has been sleeping, though,) … and gets furios: “Hey- it’s not my fault that you are still awake!” You kiss him with a feeling of blame and mumble:” Good night, hun…”
After that he suddenly starts to reveal his performance completely and surprises you this time with .... ahhh, kitchen appliances… He sounds like an espresso- slurpy preparing the milk…
You turn over again… a little more angry and cannot help but just… grabbing the night lamp and *§$%xxx%….!
Then, as fast as you can, throw yourself over to the other side of the bed and fake sleeping.
I have been talking to friend of mine being a lawyer. He told me: “Well, if you fake sleeping and make the jury believe that, you cannot be accused for assault…
Most of the times, the A.O.S turns out as the A.O.S.N (Artist of sonaring noises), because when you finally , finally have managed to fall asleep- then HE starts to grasp the sound of a shitting mole somewhat 300feet under your house. “Have you heard that? I cannot sleep with that – could you…?”
WIDE AWAKE GAIN...
Last but not least , for me the most endangered species due to my haunting licence is the “FILCHER O’ BLANKET”- which is not only settled in Scottland, by the way…
Because suddenly, out of the blue you are wide awake at night and cannot feel your feet – you spot the problem immediately: Simply frozen!
He – which we really start to love… lies there, snoring peacefully, and tucked in a huge pile of the blanket…
You fight for a small piece- think about the winters in “Arcipel Gulag-Russia” those days and that the guys there were in a far worse state than you…
The next morning, when you have sleepy eyes as if being on tour till six, he goes like: “Wow, the damn sleeping room was hot tonight – I was hardly able to sleep- we should drop the blanket stuff..”. these are the moments when my laywer-friend pops in my mind!
What rare species does your bed cover?
For F. sake am i supose to read all this ...just telme is it about sex or not