Don’t worry now, and you there in the back, calm down, I’m not letting her go so back to your pocket ping-pong and feeble dreams of having her!
We’re all adults here, know a lot about this business with dating, relating, and all.
Well, most of us do.
Or at least some of us.
Oh, shit, I dunno, at least I do, you decide for yourself if you do as well.
Anyway, being a bachelor comes with its pro’s, and its con’s.
To give an example, one pro of being a bachelor is that you can do your laundry at the very last minute. With that I mean that you can really be on your last pair of socks before you even try to get a slot for doing laundry. You don’t have to have that weekly, holy, time when you must, by god must do laundry, even though you’ve not made anything beyond a towel and a few pair of underwear dirty.
And when you do laundry, you don’t have to fold it, neatly pile it up in stacks and place in the closet. You can leave it in the basket which you carried it up in, then pull out whatever during the days.
Women don’t understand this. They want to have it all ironed and perfectly placed in it’s… well… place. But where’s the adventure in that? It’s like a bleedin’ Indiana Jones adventure if you simply leave it in a huge lump. Bestest even, turn that basket upside down on the sofa, then with closed eyes every morning pull out whatever your hand first touches, and that’s what you’ll wear.
Never mind that some days you’ll be wearing a woman’s top some Thursday one-night shag left behind which happened to be mixed in there.
Also, with that pile of clothes spread out on the sofa, when you watch telly you can simply lie on top of it all. That’s what in bachelor lingo is called ironing.
Now, for the con with having a girlfriend, which I’m getting at, is that all of a sudden your social life changes so dramatically.
It is very strange, this.
When a bachelor, you spend most of your time with other bachelors.
The mates you have who are in relationships, it’s like they are in a bunker, locked up and let out at times, or in some secret society where only other couples are allowed.
Then, all of a sudden, when you have a girlfriend, it’s like you’ve bloody passed some twilight zone simply by holding her hand, where you’re invited to events left and right. Her friend’s sister’s cousin’s birthday. And you’re stuck there on a Friday, chatting with her friend’s sister’s cousin’s husband, who you have never met and soon notice have little in common with and after he’s had half a bottle of wine you realize that he’s a twat of the highest order, and you wonder what the fuck you’re even sat there for, having bought a present to someone you’ll meet only once more in your life, which is two years later during one of those awkward moments when you recognize the face but can’t for the love of you remember where you’ve previously met.
Isn’t it funny how your sphere of “friends” and acquaintances drastically changes when you have a girlfriend, compared to being a bachelor?
From living a simple life with few obligations as far as where to be during the days on your spare time, all of a sudden every single fucking weekend is booked for some wedding, dinner party with some people from “her side”, get together with a bunch of other couples, you name it.
What am I, invisible to these when I’m a bachelor? Are couples afraid that I will come shag them in a massive threesome if they invite me home when I’m a bachelor, and then all of a sudden when I have a girlfriend they’re not, instead very keen on having us over?
I swear, there was one year when every Harry, Dick and Tom was getting married (not with one another, and they were not really called Harry, Dick or Tom, any of them), anyway, I was invited to all of them weddings. People I hardly knew invited me to their weddings.
Why?
Because I had a girlfriend. Up until not so long ago I was single, and guess what. I wasn’t invited to one single wedding during that time.