sweetowen: Guys usually say the want a lady on the streets but a freak in the bed, but when it comes down to it, if the woman knows too many moves, the man gets freaked out & runs. I guess it might have to do with the confidence a woman exhibits between the sheets.
I'm getting a headache...
I imagine it's the implied experience with other men rather than "the confidence a woman exhibits" that some guys would find intimidating or disturbing, L, depending on their level of insecurity (and most guys are insecure about their performance versus other men to one degree or another, despite their assurances to the contrary).
My feeling is that we usually wouldn't throw everything about ourselves into a prospective lover's face at the outset; rather, most of us reveal ourselves in stages over time, as we get to know our partner better and better - and I'd say the same would apply to sex: in the initial phases, we would take it slowly, revealing more and more about our tastes and experience over time.
I don't believe I can program or predict the exact pace of these kinds of personal revelations, but I'd guess that revealing too much too soon - either in terms of personal information or one's sexuality - would generally be off-putting. A better idea for the first stages of a relationship, in general, might be to take it a bit slower, to not force things, in or out of bed.
There's a pressure associated with rapidly revealing oneself, I think. When you rattle off a bunch of personal stuff, for instance, your prospective partner probably feels as though he or she should reciprocate. The problem is that a very rapid pace of disclosure might create a pressure to reciprocate that your partner's not comfortable with. I can see the same situation occurring in bed: if you launch a bunch of gymnastic moves on your partner, for instance, he or she might feel pressure to reciprocate in ways that he or she is not ready for.
For me, this kind of thing is very simple. The first bouts of lovemaking, just as with conversation, are ground-laying in nature, and thus inherently somewhat conservative. My first sex sessions are about getting to know the person, becoming comfortable with her both physically and psychologically, and allowing her to do the same with me. I think that calls for a bit of reserve. Not prudishness or uptightness - just a bit of restraint. Then later, as intimacy and feelings deepen, it's "bidness time!" - time to let down your hair and get down and dirty.
What might be happening with you, Sweet, is that you're rushing that stage - trying to achieve something that comes with time and trust prematurely.
