Hi in dire need of som help here...

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bettyboop63 glasgow, Strathclyde, Scotland UK
Can anyone give me information or advice when dealing with self harming,MY 21 yr old has been involved in self harming for 7 yrs now I have had her referred to pychiatrists,councilling,specialists but she doesnt continue with the support she leaves her knives,razors etc lying about the house and her wounds are horrific she doesnt cover them an I face them every day,but she is pregnant now an cut her legs quite bad last week resulting in stitches can any one give me som advice on how to deal with it ...help
serene56 bateau bay, New South Wales Australia
bettyboop63: Can anyone give me information or advice when dealing with self harming,MY 21 yr old has been involved in self harming for 7 yrs now I have had her referred to pychiatrists,councilling,specialists but she doesnt continue with the support she leaves her knives,razors etc lying about the house and her wounds are horrific she doesnt cover them an I face them every day,but she is pregnant now an cut her legs quite bad last week resulting in stitches can any one give me som advice on how to deal with it ...




I have absolutely no experience of this terrible condition, only a small amount in other areas of mental health ... but is there any medication available for your daughter to calm her or ward off the feelings that make her want to harm herself? Are there any mental health organisations in your area that could assist you, if not your daughter, in accessing information and assistance? Or at the very least, do you have a counsellor that you can turn to, to support you and help you cope with this?
SummerUK Washington, Tyne and Wear, England UK
So sorry Betty hug

I know nothing about this either. I hope someone can help though


hug teddybear
morgan5 somewhere sunny , Canarias Spain
She has to accept she needs help and thats something only she can do .

Heartbreaking for you, all i can suggest is a support group to help you and give you guidance on what options there are .
bodleing Greater Manchester, Greater Manchester, England UK
Maybe you have tried these already, but just in case.

http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm

Plenty other support groups also.


hug
almera03 portsmouth, Hampshire, England UK
Hi betty ............having seen a friend do this im aware its tough to see it happen

Something to try is hypnotism ......it doesn't always work but it can break the cycle of hurt inside and the pain realise self harming gives

Also if your not , make sure your getting support too to help you manage this problem hug



jessejess47 ogdensburg, New York USA
bettyboop63: Can anyone give me information or advice when dealing with self harming,MY 21 yr old has been involved in self harming for 7 yrs now I have had her referred to pychiatrists,councilling,specialists but she doesnt continue with the support she leaves her knives,razors etc lying about the house and her wounds are horrific she doesnt cover them an I face them every day,but she is pregnant now an cut her legs quite bad last week resulting in stitches can any one give me som advice on how to deal with it ...
hug hug hug



tfox1967 ayrshire, Central, Scotland UK
bettyboop63 is your daughter on medication my best freind was self harming and hung himself in 2001 he dident get any help from anyone they knew he was self harming but the thought it was just attension he was wanting so you
have had her referred to pychiatrists,councilling,specialists she is in good hands then as long as she all appointments and your support is priceless i hope everything works out ok for you both just be strong all the best hug
ooby_dooby Ashland, Virginia USA
http://www.mirror-mirror.org/selfinj.htm

"It has been reported that many people who self-injure have a history of sexual or physical abuse, but that is not always the case. Some may come from broken homes, alcoholic homes, have emotionally absent parents, etc."

"Most people who self-injure tend to be perfectionists, are unable to handle intense feelings, are unable to express their emotions verbally, have dislike for themselves and their bodies, and can experience severe mood swings. They may turn to self-injury as a way to express their feelings and emotions, or as a way to punish themselves."

"You may be wondering why someone would intentionally harm themselves. Self-injury can help someone relieve intense feelings such as anger, sadness, loneliness, shame, guilt and emotional pain. Many people who cut themselves, do this in an attempt to try and release all the emotions they are feeling internally. Others may feel so numb, that seeing their own blood when they cut themselves, helps them to feel alive because they usually feel so dead inside. Some people find that dealing with physical pain is easier than dealing with emotional pain. Self-injury is also used as a way to punish oneself. If they were abused, they may feel ashamed, guilty and blame themselves for the abuse, which in turn causes them to feel the need to punish themselves by inflicting pain to their bodies. Some people have such hatred for themselves and their bodies that they will carve demeaning names on their bodies as a way to remind themselves of how terrible they are. Whatever form of self-injury is used, the person is usually left with a peaceful and calm feeling afterwards. Since those feelings are only temporary, the person will probably continue to self-injure until they deal with the underlying issues and finds healthier ways to cope."
bettyboop63 glasgow, Strathclyde, Scotland UK
after 7 yrs continious and also the damage she has done to her body I dont think it is attention seeking although that was my thoughts for such a long time as from my own opinion on the subject its a very personal thing and the harmer conceals the evidence where as my daughter when she lived with me would leave her razors an such lying out for me to see and it was always after we had words or disagreements,but through out the 7 yrs she goes for a first appointment usually after a cutting episode then she doesnt continue..I cant force her to go I have a feeling she may be bi polar but until she gets a diagnosis im helpless I though the older she got it would get better but to me shes getting worse but I would like to thank you all for yopur input its appreciated ty...teddybear
serene56 bateau bay, New South Wales Australia
hug a prayer for you and your daughter that peace and happiness will be yours very soon
bettyboop63 glasgow, Strathclyde, Scotland UK
serene56: a prayer for you and your daughter that peace and happiness will be yours very soon


thank you very much serene...hug
RDM59 Edinburgh, Lothian, Scotland UK
So sorry to hear this bb, I have no experience of this or help I can give. This must be heartbreaking and such a massive worry. ......sad flower hug
bettyboop63 glasgow, Strathclyde, Scotland UK
ty RD...on top of my illness its a worry I could do without i think I will just have to accept its her choice you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink it...just hard to accept such a beautiful young girl wants to mutilate hersel this way dunno x
wildkitty mt.view, Oklahoma USA
don't let her have any razors or sharp objects. professor
bettyboop63 glasgow, Strathclyde, Scotland UK
wildkitty: don't let her have any razors or sharp objects.


she is 21 and has her own home now so I dont have any control now her last episode was last sunday she had cut her legs and required stitches..that was me just finding out she had been using her legs as she had led me to believe it was just her arms
wildkitty mt.view, Oklahoma USA
bettyboop63: she is 21 and has her own home now so I dont have any control now her last episode was last sunday she had cut her legs and required stitches..that was me just finding out she had been using her legs as she had led me to believe it was just her arms
why didn't they keep her in tthe hospital, can't the hospital get her some help?
RDM59 Edinburgh, Lothian, Scotland UK
bettyboop63: ty RD...on top of my illness its a worry I could do without i think I will just have to accept its her choice you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink it...just hard to accept such a beautiful young girl wants to mutilate hersel this way x


So what is the only way of getting help to her, reporting it and getting her "sectioned" ......dunno

This is so extreme but you say you fear it getting worse, and with a baby on the way !!!
Arlene101 Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia Canada
bettyboop63: ty RD...on top of my illness its a worry I could do without i think I will just have to accept its her choice you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink it...just hard to accept such a beautiful young girl wants to mutilate hersel this way x
Her condition 'in layman's terms' is called a 'cutter'. I don't know why she is in so much pain but the cutting releases endorphens the same way we do when we laugh or cry. We always feel better after sex or a good laugh or cry and that is how your daughter is getting her endorphen release.

If there is any way to have her placed in some mental health facility I would advise very strongly that you do it.

Maybe next time she does it you can phone an ambulance and that way you have some avenues to pursue as she is a danger to herself. Good Luck and I hope things turn around for the better.comfort hug
BrainsNBeauty2 Hobart, Tasmania Australia
I feel for you also Betty.

I have experienced this personally and also through family members, and while the specifics are different for individuals, I feel a common thread amongst sufferers is a low self esteem.

This can exist and often does in extremely sucessful, talented and admired individuals. Someone mentioned, perfectionist..

This is on the right track I believe, but it is not that the sufferer thinks they could attain perfection, it is more that they are unaware of how good is good enough...so 100% on the exam is safe..99% and while most would be celebrating, the sufferer is uncertain as to whether that was "good enough"

I believe the instruments being left on display for you is less and emotional blackmail, and more like;y an attempt at communication.

Your daughter may be in a place where she doesnt recognise communication, and needs to be able to realate to someoine on a level which she does not feel is threatening, The "display" may be a plea to be reached.

This is NOT a reflection of your parenting or your love and support, and indeed, the fact she is "showing" you, may be an indication she knows her behaviour is not what she wants, but cant find a way out of her dark place to communicate effectively.

I know this is a little strange, and she may not be at all interested, but i would like very much to talk, or communicate with her, if she would like to try. I have been there...may not be free yet, and have children who have sufered their own trauma also. Apparently I was able to reach them, where their therapists could not.

Sadly, I believe that most of this behaviour DOES have a sexually abusive background, but it can also come from seemingly innocent remarks made, iusually by significant male family members, which are absorbed .."just at the wrong time" in a young females formative sexual development..usually around and shortly after puberty.

"Brotherly" comments..we all remember them, are innocently intended, or at least not intended to have the formative damage which they can have, but all of these situations are instrumental in developing the level of female self esteem. As I mentioned, some of the most HIGHLY successful and greatly admired women, suffer from this type of perfectionist problem..though they would often die rather than admit it. So they strive harder and succeed better than others, all so no one challenges them about their sense of self worth..which remains uncertain if they have EVER FINALLY become "good enough".

Other girls are less driven and often more sensitive, and they may sink and begin to self harm in a visible manner, such as your daughter. Bothe sets of women suffer, but of course the self mutilater is more visible.

She needs to feel value in and about herself. That is not easy from theposition she is in, because every cut is another constant reminder to her of her own repeated failure to succeed.

So a "safe" environment of supportive womens groups can be helpful, not because they lack men, but because she needs to determine a level of success as a woman, which SHE feels is acceptable.

I wish she could come to Australia for a while. Things are rather easy going here, and away from the spotlight of the life she knows, she may find some areas she could develop within herself which would shake this burden free, and return home reborn and fulfilled. part 2 below...




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