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No need to ever forget your husband.

No need to feel embarrassed by the memories in a new relationship; as long as you don't cry 24/367 then life goes on and remembering the day he died and his birthday is no reason for you to feel guilty.

The new man in your life should appreciate that you are a caring person.

I hope your memories of your husband are good ones and that you can smile through the tears!

We all cope with things differently, but for me it doesn't end.

I think you can learn acceptance of a situation, but it never leaves us.

It's ok feel that way Dru and shed a few tears, he was special in your life.

Hope your not feeling guilty that you may have met someone else and have a second chance of happiness, you deserve that right nobody will ever replace your husband

Well lets look at it this way, if I gave some joy and happiness to someone in this life, however briefly, I would like to be remembered for it. Maybe the tears would come at first but with time I would prefer them to remember me with a smile and fondness. Eventually the pain wouild subside as I found my place in their heart. JMHO.

It depends... it's different for different people...

Nothing weird in that, it's very human and you shouldn't feel sorry for it.

I hope you feel better soon

Man, Sad to say I would not know. But I would not forget him. I know I wouldn't.

Robert's right.

It's not 'cheating' to cry for your husband. One year you WILL realise that the anniversry was 'yesterday'. You will cry then, but the healing will have started to take effect.

Don't ever forget him, you married him for a reason, but learn to catagorise him correctly and try to make sure you LIVE your life. I'm sure he'd have wanted you to...

Hugs x

Hi Dru,

I don't think we ever forget it. I don't ever forget my dad's birthday or anniversary and it's been over a decade since he made his transition. Once in a while I cry unexpectedly but I think that's just the honest emotion of missing him because I loved him. Mostly by now though I can think of him and talk about him without getting hooked into the feeling of such deep and overwhelming sadness as when it was newer.

I know I cried this year on the date that would have been my 25th wedding anniversary if he hadn't left the marriage a year ago. Of course that is a lot closer than my dad's passing. I had my friends keep me busy all day long just so I wouldn't waste my day in a pity pot.

I'm sending you lots of love and support. Remember that you have all sorts of spiritual assistance around you holding you and probably even more of them when you say a few prayers.

Hara

Dru, Listen hun, you never need to feel guilty about shedding a few tears for someone you gave all you had to give and then some who is no longer with you. Also no shame in remembering special days.

I went through this last month but with different results. I was watching a movie on Sept. 26th and when this gentleman dies in the movie I started shedding tears, had no idea why. Later that night my oldest son called me to see how I got through the day. Come to find out it would have been our 43rd anniversary and the 30th was his 68th birthday. Do I feel bad because I forgot our anniversary. Of course not. To me it just tells me that the memories are now good and I embarking on a new journey and ready to make fresh memories.

Go on with your life and handle it your way as we all need to do. You also are on a new phase of your life. Grab it, love it, savor it and hold it next to your heart each and every day.

Wow, so many already. Thank you, my friends.

I don't feel guilty at all, and I have no intention of forgetting him. Nobody should expect that at all of me.

The tears were unexpected because I have been remembering him with smiles and fondness, not with tears of pain, and I thought I was past this. It rather caught me off-guard, that's all...and that made me wonder if it will always be like this at this time of year, or if it will pass someday.

Luckily, this is a wonderful man who will most likely just hold me if I let him know I'm going through this now. I'll be seeing him Sunday, and I believe I will let him hold me extra for a bit that day. I can be soft and lean on someone without losing my ability to face the world.

I have to actually do some work now, and it's late Friday afternoon here, so I might not get to check on this until Monday night. Thank you all.

Hey Dru..... Only my "opinion" and you already know I am an opinionated SOB..

Please allow me to ask you this one question. would your hubby desire for you to move on, be happy, joyous, and free?? I yhink we both know the answer if he truly loved you and my best bet is he did.

It is a page in the history book young lady, turn the page, you also have the right for happiness & love..

I reached this this year with my Late Husband. I posted my thread this spring. I still think about Him, part of me still loves Him. Probably always will.

I am ready for a new relationship on many fronts, but not yet on others.

I will wait untill I am ready on all fronts b4 moving back into the stream otherwise, I feel The Glacier up stream will runoff too fast and I will be caught in riptides spiraling over the Falls. NOT fun.

So I will wait until the flooding ebbs to calmer waters b4 joining or inviting one to join with me. Hopefully, that way we have time to establish our rythum b4 the next set of riptides are scurrying downstream to the falls.

dru I know the feeling and have done alot of crying whenever I would see pics of my late husband.Or thinking and remembering.
Then I came to realize that he would want to me quit the crying and begin to turn some pages and begin a brand new chapter and be happy again.

Dru, count your blessings you have a moment to feel, cry and love. Wallow in these moments you have for all the love that once was.

You were loved.. And still are I bet..

Without a doubt.

jmo but it sounds like tears of happy remembrance rather than sadness you are allowed both you know just remember the good times

Remember the good times and forgive both of you for the bad.

OP - So sorry for the things you're feeling now. It's kind of bewildering, isn't it? Just when you think you've "handled" it all, somehow it comes back to remind you that there's nothing to be "handled". You're a feeling, caring, emotional being. In other words, you're human. And the death of a loved one is something that no one ever truly gets over. It becomes easier to deal with and the emotions don't make themselves so strongly apparent, but we never get over it. Until geneticists come up with a selective memory function that can be programmed into us, we'll keep remembering those special things.

My middle daughter and my dad both died on 02-21-06, 12 hours apart. And they shared the same birthday: Valentine's Day. All I've heard from my family since day one is "let it go, get over it, move on". Nice, huh? It hasn't been easy and some days it feels like I'm back at day one.

I'll be doing fine for weeks (sometimes a month or two), then one day it all comes rushing back. I've found that the best thing I can do is just let the emotions of the moment run their course. If I try to hide them, they get stronger and really drag me down. Once they start to taper off, I find something to laugh about and those emotions seem to back off (until the next time). They still make an appearance on my daughter's and dad's birthday and on the day of their death, but for the most part they're getting easier to deal with. Slowly.

Don't let those moments get you down and don't feel guilty about it. Just continue to be who you are.