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I've been divorced for 20 years. In that 20 years I have had 4 major relationships that have failed big time. All 4 women cheated on me. Two from the beginning. The other two later on.I just started another new relationship where the woman chose me. It is a very exclusive singles group where they do back ground checks and you pay a very high price. She has a good job and is very high class. (I am middle class). She is 52 and very attractive and in very good shape. I'm average looking at 48. Everything is great when we're together. We get along really well and have a good time. When we are apart, I'm always wondering if she's like the others. We have done allot of "heavy petting" right from the first date. She even started to do oral on me the first night. We haven't had sex yet albeit we did almost on the third date but neither of us had a condom.lol
She seems very happy with me and everything I do for her. She's not afraid to buy dinner for us and we sometimes split the check.
Right now, she's on vacation in another state with her elderly mom. She does call me I'm going nuts wondering what she is really doing after her mom goes to bed. After they get back from there vacation (Friday) she is coming over for the day Saturday and on Sunday the three of us are going to look at condos with an in-law apartment for her mom and herself.
Am I being paranoid and unnecessarily worried/scared or is this OK and normal?
Any opinion or advise would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for your time.
onfused in Connecticut.[/quot

Dont want to be known for the man of cliches on here but my 2 cents worth is. You have been in the past battered from indescetion. Once bitten twice shy seems your (unsterstandable) reaction. But what are the alternatives, (a) go for this relationship with gusto with this women who sounds like a godsend for you. Or (b)do you spend the rest of your life backing off and backing off until you are too old and lonely and spend all bloomin day ruing not going for it. If you put heart and soul into it you will never have yourself to blame, if you live in the past you will destroy yourself and any chance of a loving secure relationship. I am not a gambling man but I know where I would be putting my chips.

Thanks for the advise. It's been around a couple weeks since I posted my question. I decided to go for it and I haven't regretted it one bit. We're still going out several times a week (she still pays) and everything is going good. I'm finding out more about Susan and I really think she's for real. She is "gun shy" I believe as I am from past relationship fiascoes, so we're taking it slow.
I still welcome any other comments for any one.
I'll keep everybody posted on my progress.

I say take your time Chuck - dont rush in, keep yourself safe!
How long have you known this woman? From what I read above I think its maybe a bit soon to be looking at condo's - Im very wary of putting all my eggs into the same basket at such an early stage.

Take care and best of luck!

4 cheaters out of four...dude not to be mean but blunt is my middle name...

maybe you need to look at yourself instead of blaming others...either you're not giving your significant other what she needs or you are subconsciously choosing this type of woman for reasons that may not be apparent to you.

Good luck.

Don't think. Give two of you more time.


From what I read in your posts happenes too fast .... Slow down


Good luck

Hi Trish...
Thanks for your input. I do realize I do tend to want things waaay to soon sometimes. We are taking it slow.
The only reason she wanted me to go along to look at the place was to get a man's point of view, and to meet her mom. We're in no way thinking of buying a condo together. I hate condos!

Hey there chuck, it might be, of your first marriage, I wonder if that did not result in a divorce of cheating. Something that might compel you to be a cling on in other relationships, and smothering your partner of your distrust. Think about it.

I want to thank every one for their opinions and thoughts.
As of last night on our 1 month aniv., I found out that Susan has been seeing a MARRIED man for the past 3 years and will not give him up. He is a co-worker and she says he makes her feel younger.(he's 10 years younger than she is)
Need less to say this came as kind of a shock but I did have a feeling that something was wrong. I guess my instinks where right. So from now on, I'm going to listen to my gut and stop thinking with my d***.
Right now I'm hurt and in some pain but I'll be ok as I allways seem to recover from getting hurt once again.
I guess I'll be spending the holidays alone once again.

So sorry for what happened to you.I know all to well where you coming from cause I was supposed to marry a guy this past Sept but that fell through. I guess sometimes when we stick our hearts out there they get stomped on.

Of course you're feeling hurt right now who wouldn't be.Some way ,some how we always manage to get through it don't we?

Have you ever heard the old song "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife....get an ugly girl to marry you..."

Also, introverts and extroverts attract each other, but don't live well together. Extroverts need a lot of entertaining, they are high maintenance, time-wise. Introverts need some alone time each day, and can seem a little chilly, but are more loyal.

for starters i dont think its right that u told everyone all about ur intimate encounters. sum things should be kept private.

It sounds like you have done the samething a few times ha?
But thanks for you opinion.

It really amazes me the number of people who don't consider 'oral' as sex.............!!!

It seems to me that you are so paranoid that you drive your women into other mens arms. You also sound as if you're happy to use this woman for her money and what she can do for you,

Take your time . It is understandable the hurt and pain from the past but don't let that determine the present moment for that is all we really have .

I guess you didn't read what I wrote. SHE has been seeing this guy for 3 years. I didn't drive her anywhere. She was allready there. She was using me for everything but money. Which I happan to have plenty of my own thank you and I don't need anybody else's.

This is CS, NOBODY wants to look into the mirror..


I have one question for the OP... If you do not "trust" her, why are you "with" her??

Pat if you read one of his eariler posts you'll read where he post that he found out that she was seeing a married man and that he will(OP) will be spending the holidays alone.So that tells me he's not with her anymore.

I didn't pay attention to the original post date..

I seems to me, I also have EX's that say I didn't pay attention..