How important is premarital sex to you?

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druidess6308 Reverse, Pennsylvania USA
I'm curious. The subject comes up because the man I've started dating is a member of the Baha'i faith, and they don't believe in premarital sex at all. And sex includes kissing, the research that answered that telling me why he hasn't kissed me yet, though we've now had three dates. Apparently they do believe in a short courtship, though, because of this and their awareness of human nature.

I asked him what his own views are regarding this, and he's not sure. I'm willing to give him time to figure it out, and to wrap my mind around the thought of marrying someone without ever having had sex first. Without kissing, though, I have to see...this isn't easy for a woman like me. No premarital sex was difficult enough to wrap my brain around, but doable. I want more than a slaking of physical need when we join because with this man I want full unity of mind, body, and spirit.

His roommate and some of my friends have stated that we can't consider ourselves to be in a relationship because we haven't had sex yet, and it made me wonder how that became the definition of being in a relationship. If two people wait until marriage, does that mean they're not in a relationship at all until they marry? confused dunno

If you were interested enough in someone, and your feelings were definitely growing strong for them, could you date someone whose beliefs were like this, even if those weren't your beliefs? conversing
SoldierByte Grove, Oklahoma USA
I'm not that fussy if we "do" or don't "do" prior..
But once I commit..
she DARN well better submit..!!boogie
(and that's "submit" to mutual "busy-work")blushing
==========================================
In younger years..
wanting a compatiable sexual partner was
a LOT higher on the agenda..
but as time goes on.. priorities change..professor
---SoldierByte---typing
wildkitty mt.view, Oklahoma USA
What no KISSES, now that is extreme.. i couldn't handle thatfrustrated sometimes kisses are better than sex, whats his view on hugging and hand holding.confused
RDM59 Edinburgh, Lothian, Scotland UK
wave Oh Dru, I have to smile as I know you are a passionate lady. You sure can pick 'em .... grin I'm sorry but I think any belief that goes to that level is just rediculous. Passion plays a large part in most relationships, it is part of putting all of our compatabilities to the test before we commit.

Best of luck with your patience Dru ....thumbs up wine bouquet
Polarbutterfly Somewhere, Northwest Territories Canada
I don't think that I could date
someone who wants to wait for marriage
to be intimate (sex).I'm a very physical
woman who knows what she wants and needs
with the right person of course.conversing
In response to: I'm curious. The subject comes up because the man I've started dating is a member of the Baha'i faith, and they don't believe in premarital sex at all. And sex includes kissing, the research that answered that telling me why he hasn't kissed me yet, though we've now had three dates. Apparently they do believe in a short courtship, though, because of this and their awareness of human nature.

I asked him what his own views are regarding this, and he's not sure. I'm willing to give him time to figure it out, and to wrap my mind around the thought of marrying someone without ever having had sex first. Without kissing, though, I have to see...this isn't easy for a woman like me. No premarital sex was difficult enough to wrap my brain around, but doable. I want more than a slaking of physical need when we join because with this man I want full unity of mind, body, and spirit.

His roommate and some of my friends have stated that we can't consider ourselves to be in a relationship because we haven't had sex yet, and it made me wonder how that became the definition of being in a relationship. If two people wait until marriage, does that mean they're not in a relationship at all until they marry?

If you were interested enough in someone, and your feelings were definitely growing strong for them, could you date someone whose beliefs were like this, even if those weren't your beliefs?
Grandepensees Brussels, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium
druidess6308: I'm curious. The subject comes up because the man I've started dating is a member of the Baha'i faith, and they don't believe in premarital sex at all. And sex includes kissing, the research that answered that telling me why he hasn't kissed me yet, though we've now had three dates. Apparently they do believe in a short courtship, though, because of this and their awareness of human nature.

I asked him what his own views are regarding this, and he's not sure. I'm willing to give him time to figure it out, and to wrap my mind around the thought of marrying someone without ever having had sex first. Without kissing, though, I have to see...this isn't easy for a woman like me. No premarital sex was difficult enough to wrap my brain around, but doable. I want more than a slaking of physical need when we join because with this man I want full unity of mind, body, and spirit.

His roommate and some of my friends have stated that we can't consider ourselves to be in a relationship because we haven't had sex yet, and it made me wonder how that became the definition of being in a relationship. If two people wait until marriage, does that mean they're not in a relationship at all until they marry?

If you were interested enough in someone, and your feelings were definitely growing strong for them, could you date someone whose beliefs were like this, even if those weren't your beliefs?


That's a tough one.
Waiting for marriage to have sex, in my opinion, while worthy of respect, just doesn't suit everyone...including me.laugh
Some men are fine with it, or they appear to be, but as far as I'm concerned, sex just isn't something I'm willing to go without for any length of time, especially if I'm in a "relationship". Health problems do arise once in a while and going without then is only logical but for some belief in chastity? Yes, if I was 20 again...
But at 39 years old, I don't expect anyone to ask me to 'wait' until marriage, it's, to me, a ridiculous request.



kissmedeeply Petitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada
nope couldnt do it
Grandepensees Brussels, Brussels (Bruxelles) Belgium
Aren't we a bunch of horny fiendslaugh
druidess6308 Reverse, Pennsylvania USA
wildkitty: What no KISSES, now that is extreme.. i couldn't handle that sometimes kisses are better than sex, whats his view on hugging and hand holding.


I've never had such long hugs, honestly, and they come with back massages since he's a retired chiropractor. grin Small touches to my back as we walk along somewhere, and lots of hand holding.

Honestly, I've never known someone so polite, and so soothing. I could be around him for hours. We've even talked on my bed with me propped against his leg as a backrest after I did healing on his chest. Touching is allowed.
druidess6308 Reverse, Pennsylvania USA
SoldierByte: I'm not that fussy if we "do" or don't "do" prior..
But once I commit..
she DARN well better submit..!!
(and that's "submit" to mutual "busy-work")
==========================================
In younger years..
wanting a compatiable sexual partner was
a LOT higher on the agenda..
but as time goes on.. priorities change..
---SoldierByte---


I agree with you, SB. I've changed, and so have my priorities. wine
mylifewithu Springfield, Missouri USA
Hello Druwave Hey I have missed you.
I think I might have told you once about a man that I dated that could never have sex due to a serious back surgery, any way I accepted that. But when I found out he wasn't willing to do any of the other types of loving things that a man could still do to help satisfy his partner well that I couldnt' take.

So can your man at least talk about the things he does to make love to a woman and etc. cause most things you could just teach him, that is if he proves he would be willing to learn. That in my idea is the most important. Cause if he is willing to learn you might help him to be the kind of lover you want. So I think having a talk with him to learn all you can first before hand would help a lot with your case. wave wine hug



mnowsa dallas, Texas USA
women o women....what a dilemma! if we men want sex much right away, them women call us horny and pervert. but when don't want sex, they become suspicious.frustrated
RobertC2 Xaghra, Gozo, Gozo Malta
druidess6308: I agree with you, SB. I've changed, and so have my priorities.


You could have a prenuptial agreement wherein if you fail to have multiple orgasms the marriage can be termed to have not been consumated.

I insist on it every time I get married; if the woman refuses to have multiple orgasms she must be frigid and I toss her by the wayside and say the immortal words:

'Next!'

blushing
RobertC2 Xaghra, Gozo, Gozo Malta
mylifewithu: Hello Dru Hey I have missed you.
I think I might have told you once about a man that I dated that could never have sex due to a serious back surgery, any way I accepted that. But when I found out he wasn't willing to do any of the other types of loving things that a man could still do to help satisfy his partner well that I couldnt' take.

So can your man at least talk about the things he does to make love to a woman and etc. cause most things you could just teach him, that is if he proves he would be willing to learn. That in my idea is the most important. Cause if he is willing to learn you might help him to be the kind of lover you want. So I think having a talk with him to learn all you can first before hand would help a lot with your case.


I adore a woman who can love a man with a bad back! thumbs up wine lips
mylifewithu Springfield, Missouri USA
mnowsa: women o women....what a dilemma! if we men want sex much right away, them women call us horny and pervert. but when don't want sex, they become suspicious.
No that's not true, men just want to have sex before becoming friends with her. Women want to be friends before sex.rolling on the floor laughing tongue tongue
RobertC2 Xaghra, Gozo, Gozo Malta
mylifewithu: No that's not true, men just want to have sex before becoming friends with her. Women want to be friends before sex.


I adore friendly women! hug
druidess6308 Reverse, Pennsylvania USA
RDM59: Oh Dru, I have to smile as I know you are a passionate lady. You sure can pick 'em .... I'm sorry but I think any belief that goes to that level is just rediculous. Passion plays a large part in most relationships, it is part of putting all of our compatabilities to the test before we commit.

Best of luck with your patience Dru ....


rolling on the floor laughing R, let's just say this one is coming as a surprise to me, too, honestly. A year ago I don't think I could have done this. I've learned what's truly important to me in a relationship, and what isn't.

This is a wonderful man who I love being with, and honestly I'm finding that this gives us the freedom to talk about everything, including sex, and be together and touch a lot, and have no pressure. We're comfortable with each other, and affection is shown in small things like the brush of his lips against my shoulder as he leaves. So far, I'm really enjoying it. I never would have known I could until now.

And after all I've been through, I'm with a man I know I can trust completely on a physical level. That feels truly beautiful since it's the first time I can ever remember having that experience.
mylifewithu Springfield, Missouri USA
RobertC2: I adore a woman who can love a man with a bad back!
wine bouquet applause Well he would have to be able to love a woman who has one also, and a bad necklaugh
almera03 portsmouth, Hampshire, England UK
mylifewithu: No that's not true, men just want to have sex before becoming friends with her. Women want to be friends before sex.
God its all to complicated .........lets just go back to the 60s .........free love ...man peace
mylifewithu Springfield, Missouri USA
druidess6308: R, let's just say this one is coming as a surprise to me, too, honestly. A year ago I don't think I could have done this. I've learned what's truly important to me in a relationship, and what isn't.

This is a wonderful man who I love being with, and honestly I'm finding that this gives us the freedom to talk about everything, including sex, and be together and touch a lot, and have no pressure. We're comfortable with each other, and affection is shown in small things like the brush of his lips against my shoulder as he leaves. So far, I'm really enjoying it. I never would have known I could until now.

And after all I've been through, I'm with a man I know I can trust completely on a physical level. That feels truly beautiful since it's the first time I can ever remember having that experience.
Hey Dru, that man sounds like he knows how to touch that sounds Hott.yay This man is already getting you already worked up. devil applause




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