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I have been seeing a man for a bit over six months now. We have talked countless hours and spent some very nice time together. Well, a few weeks ago he came down. Instead of it just being him and I, we planned a day to incooperate my children. We all went swimming and had a great time. The following weekend we had plans to go to a friends house and have a bbq and bonfire. My children and hers were all there and being kids...they were noisey and it was fairly chaotic at times. I thought that things went well until after he left to return to his home. I have only spoke to him once and he told me that for the next month or so that he would be very busy at work and unable to talk at all. I am set off by this a bit. It seems ironic that right after he meets the kids that he becomes so involved with work. (Hes a lawyer and has been working on the same case for some time now). Am I reading to much into this or does it seem that maybe the reality of the children scared him a tad? This has happened before...that a man will run after meeting "my crew". What do you all think?

you hit the nail on the head I think!

I think that is terrible. But I do know a lot of men that just aren't children people. I think that guys should figure this out a head of time. It probably just isn't your children, he just plain has an issue with children and he should have told you that ahead of time. All children can be rouwy and hyper at times and some guys (even some women) just aren't good around children. But you would expect them to know that by the time that they get to our age.

Don't assume anything, that's one of the biggest relationship killers.

Communication is SO important!! If you really think you might want to have a future with this man, lay the groundwork for total honesty NOW.

Tell him you are committed to having an honest relationship where you can each comfortably talk about things that come up, then let him know you're reading this a certain way. Tell him you want to check it out, so you're wondering if you're just being paranoid, or if it's true.

And make sure you make it as emotionally safe as you can for him to tell you the truth: don't ask for the truth, set him up, then freak out if he says he can't handle the kids thing. Thank him for being honest, see if there is any possibility of working that through, might that change for him? and if not, move on.

If you DO want this kind of relationship with someone and he can't handle it (or you can't), wouldn't it be best to know that now, before things get any deeper?

sounds like you might have the answer

BUT he might actually be busy- we read alot into stuff- that's why its a good idea to just ask...

And as for lots of men who "aren't children people"- I know lots of women that are like that too!

Its difficult enough to start a new relationship without the added hurdle of kids, I don't know if this guy has kids of his own, perhaps they are grown up and young kids are just too much to handle at the moment. My kids are grown up and I really adore kids, I teach so I'm always in contact with them but to be honest, when I go out for a drink with mates I get annoyed with kids running around which is common here in Spain because family life is just that, kids are out very late in the evening with their parents. Also, a lot of guys and girls are a little jealous of their partner's kids and feel a little excluded. At the end of the day this guy may well be extremely busy with his work so you need to talk to him.

Ever notice how in the middle of a heated argument while on the phone, the phone cuts off, and you aren't sure if the person hung up or got disconnected? It's ALWAYS at inopportune times. So maybe he just got busy and his timing just sucks. Me, I'm a kids person, if the kids got rowdy...I was probably in the middle instigating it. But yeah, just ask if it was too much for him...

Hello Girl,

I have been in that situation and seeing your potential partner as a mother is something important and reveiling. I know that in my situation, I felt that the balance was not working. It's easier to be with just with you but you have to please the children as well. It is very possible that he just didn't click with your children and is now having second thougthts and us guys don't want conflict so we just walk away and make some sort of excuse to move on. I hope that helps. Just move on.

Here is the "scoop" from a man....

If a man is truly into you....including the fact that you are a mother, he will be SO there....

If your children happen to be an excuse for him "excusing" himself from the tale, then do just that and excuse him.....

Well K, one never knows for sure, but it sure does not sound right to me....

Just my two cents, he knew before i guess that you are not alone. He should be happy that you let him have to share time with your kids.
Honestly, he can´t speak to you for the next month?
I think he got scared about himself of the situation, or he simply backup´s.

Lutz

Talk to him. Tell him how you felt and ask him how he feels regarding your kids. He met you knowing you had kids and its not fair for him to run off like that. He should have known from the start.

I was thinking about dating a lawyer, but besides other majorly serious logistical problems, he made it clear to me that he had two big trials coming up, and I shouldn't count on him being available to talk until they were over, which was going to be a few months down the road.

Problem was, he kept getting continuances (the trials kept being postponed) and he still had to keep working every bit as hard on them till the next time they came up before the judge, so...

He's been at it at this pace for... 10 months now?

I have a female friend who's a lawyer, and I checked this out with her, and she said absolutely, she totally got it.

Sorry, left out me repeating myself: ASK HIM.

I tried calling him today and couldnt get a hold of him so I sent him an email. Hopefully Ill hear something.
Thank you all for the advise.

Just for the record, my kids are not horrid. They are just young boys that are very energetic and raise a bit of hell at times.

Six months you say huh? Tell me , does he have any children at all?
I am also a single mom with twin girls age 10 years, and one thing I learn is this: Before I date someone I make sure if he had children, and if he did, it means he understand and knows how children can be at times and it will not affect him. Also, I try not to date men who are never married and have no children, these guys never experience fatherhood, and marriage, and will not be in the same page with you. These same guys will run for cover from a woman who has children. I know that for a fact.. I were you , just keep going with your life and forget him. If he wants you he will come to you, if he doesnt then he was never yours.

Good Luck!!

Evie

Well thats the sad truth..I have the same problem, I have a 3 yr old from my marriage...I get him every other weekend...I meet girls who show a lot of interest in me, and the minute I mention them about my son...its like "Oh I dont need a boyfriend now, guys are so difficult to handle"...and the same girl who called and asked to meet several times acts like you have plague...no calls, and try to avoid you outside...the fact is we all have to make a compromise...for the sake of our children we all do anyways..settle for someone who is willing to accept your child...maybe they wont be as good looking as you want but they will be at least nice to your kids....surprising thing is I face lot of problems being a guy and that too combined with the fact that I only see my son every other weekend...I wonder how hard it is for women....

oops! just saw the date on this!