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Hi,

I am just now ready to maybee start dating. I would like to see where other views about dating and you children. I have two daughters. ages 12 and 7. I don't think that at those ages I should be dragging women in and out of there lives. At the same time I spend a lot of time with my children. How do some of you handle it?

I think you should date,just have respect for your children the woman and yourself and you can't go wrong.

very delicately....my first experience was a DISASTER
they never got along, faught constantly
This time i took it slowly (and she had a much better personality)
and they get along GREAT...their best of friends with my current
lady
take it slow.....just bring her in as a friend to them as apposed
to a step parent for now

I'm probably not the best person to give advice because my children were grown up when their father and I divorced so I haven't been in your position. However, I had divorced friends and acquaintances whilst I was married who would introduce a host of 'uncles' or 'aunts' to their children and allow them to stay overnight. I may be old fashioned, but I don't agree with young children witnessing their mum or dad in a sexual relationship in the family home until one is sure, or as sure as one can be, that the relationship is serious.

Children often feel jealous and insecure, particularly if the separation is relatively recent, so please tread carefully and respect your children's feelings as I'm sure you will.

I think the biggest mistake I made was showing romantic affection for the man I was dating in front of my daughter... I knew right away she did not like it, so I made sure not to make that mistake again. I'm not talking about groping and major fondling, just playful gestures, but she seem to pick up on it right away and seemed a little threatened by it. Keep it family friendly when the children are around. They do watch everything you do and do pick up on even the most innocent of things a couple might do. And include them in some of the things you do with your new friend if you decide to keep dating her.

by mostly not ever dating. i have to date a man for a good six months before i let him meet the girls, generally...

but kids go on sleep-overs...and spend weekends with family...and there are times in the day when i'm free and they are at school...THOSE times are for me. all the rest are for them.

You should talk to your daughters.

I have custody of my 2 daughters 14 and 15 and I have just come to the conclusion they and their wellbeing comes first. As you said we can’t drag women in and out of their lives or around in front of them so I have just but them and their wellbeing in front of my own needs.

As an adult I deserve a relationship so when that time comes to have a relationship I will move slowly and be discreet as they become teenagers they are becoming more involved with their own lives leaving me to one of my own.

If your old fashion I guess I am too. As far as overnight stays that will never happen in front of the girls. Unless I was to get married again (not likely).

Its a touchy situation. However asking your kids ..Im not sure how that would help..Your not a child and do not need their permission to date again. I respect my kids' opinion but they dont get a say in my personal life...
My rules is : I dont introduce my children to anyone I date for awhile .. "awhile" could mean weeks or months. Just depends on the situation..That way if it doesnt work out they arent hurt because of any attachment formed. Good luck!!

I haven't actually dated too much since I had my daughter. When she was really little I could see how easily she got attached to people. After dating one man and us getting to know his kids, it didn't work out so I decided I wouldn't be repeating that scenario any time soon. Now that she is older, it isn't so much of an issue.

It is the getting attached thing that bothers me most. The girls and I have spent more time around some of my single buddies in the last year. The girls ask all kinds of questions and act like they lost a best friend when one of them switches up.

Alright so lets say I decide to keep my dating under the radar. I find someone who has children also. Now they want to bring me into there childrens life. I love kids and can have lots of fun with them but how is this going to go over. No you can't play with my kids but I will play with yours. I don't know I am just thinking out loud.

Horray for you...children SHOULD come first. Women may come and go in your life, but your kids will forever be there. My daughter, who is now 18 and has a 4 month old of her own, was always able to pick up on the "bad" boys I went on dates with. I would always give her the opportunity to meet who I was going out with..a brief hello how are you kinda thing...(just in case I disappeared, she'd have a description to give to the police ) Ironically, she was ALWAYS right. Honestly, the only time a woman SHOULD be in your home anyway, is if it's been a while and you really like her...(otherwise, chances are, she's only there for one thing...and than she's a "slut")---and you don't want her anyway!!

all i can say is talk to your daughters

i have a 7yr old and hate when a man comes into my life and then leaves all of a sudden cause my son attaches easily and so do i


at this time however the man i am with is great with my son


all i can say is best wishes to you and you kids

The thing that I always like to do before I date a lady with kids is to ask her about them. What are they like, what will they think about you dating? etc. This way I am a little more mentally prepared. However, I am (maybe a little hypocritical) not to excited about introducing my daughter to women, I want her to always feel like the most important female in my life.

hmmmm

That's absurd, you're talking about waiting 11 years!

Not only that, but the 7 year old could potentially end up with a very loving step mother! In fact, both the daughters could end up with a loving best-friend step mother.

I never had kids so I can't speak from experience. But I see absolutely nothing wrong with having women friends around your kids as long as you keep in all platonic when in front of them. If you start making out in front of your kids then that would be problematic.

I haven't had all that many girlfriends over the course of my life. But all of the ones I did have would have been excellent around kids. In fact, I don't date bimbos anyway so basically any woman that I would be interested in enough to bring home to my kids would be a very good example.

There is nothing wrong with having friends around. It doesn't need to be displayed as a 'romantic relationship' in front of the kids. It can be 'just friends' until it grows to be more than that.

Of course, I'm saying this from my own perspective because I know that I wouldn't be parading a bunch of bimbos around in front of my kids. I don't go through that many women that fast anyway, and any women that I did bring home to the kids would most likely hang around for several months anyway just as a platonic friend anyway.

Like I say, I'm going from my own perspective. I don't date bimbos, and every woman I've ever been with has acted quite mature and when we parted we parted as friends. There was also no false expectations that things were going anywhere they weren't going.

So I guess the advice really depends on how the individual person 'dates'. I can only say that for me I wouldn't hesitate to bring a woman I was interested in home to my kids, because if I was interested in her she would be worthy of the kids too! Pretty simple really.

Sounds to me like your already doing the right thing..questioning whats the right way and the wrong..which like any problem is the best way to start..

oh and by the way...I used to live in w-s myself..so stay away from phillies..bad habits ya know..lol

i date and i have 2 sons one 16 and one 7, i wait about 6mo before they meet anyone i date and as for waiting til balin ( the 7 year old) is 18 to date you must be joking dating is a part of life and i have no prob with him knowing this. now dating with kids and an ex, someone please tell me how to do that right.

Hello,

My daughter was about 11 when I went on my first date. She did what ever she could to mess it up and almost did. He almost didn't call back. First of all you need to sit down with the kids and let them know that their dad loves them very much and is just ready to go out and start having fun with others. No, I would not bring the ladies around for a while.They are going to have to get used to the idea that you are going out. Let them get used to one thing at a time. They will see that you still have lots of time with them and can give a little time else where.If you are not sure about dating yet, don't! But don't wait too long! It is hard to get back in there! Good Luck!