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A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned on the phone answering machine, covered their pet Parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrives
and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get thecat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the driver that her husband
will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my
mother"

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so
long," he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...

He He, Love it, Love it Irishlass.

Great story...

Here's mine. A long time ago (I think I was about 7) I took a great tongue lashing from my uncle and my parents alike.

You see, I was busy stuffing my uncle's cat into the bird's cage, apparently so cat have a snack. It seems that I was upset with the fact that Sylvester never got to really catch tweety bird, so I was trying to make it fair. I guess my little brain was forever corrupted by Looney Tunes...

That was very fair of you or was it you want to see if the bird could get out of that one as tweety always did.

What do you call it when you see a dog with a cat in its mouth?







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Proof of Purr Chase

It was a long time ago, but if memory serves, I wanted the cat to finally fulfill his fancy....

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home. The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away and the same thing happened. He kept on increasing the number of blocks but the cat kept coming home before him. At last he decided to drive a 150 miles away, turn right then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached an area he'd never seen before and dropped the cat there.. Hours later, the man calls his wife at home and asked her, "Jenny, is the cat there?" "Yes, why do you ask?" answered the wife. Frustrated, the man said, "Put that damn cat on the phone, I'm lost and I need directions back!

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom cat leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you!"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?".

Loved this one, as an owner of a couple of cats I can appreciate this. Kitty

Forgive what I'm about to say...but I've yet to see a man try and get "rid" of a pu$$y...and they spend half their lives chasing it!!

An engineer, an accountant, a chemist and a government employee were bragging about how smart their cats are.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat. "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, "What can your cat do?" The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, peed on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.